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0. Stop caring about binary labels that bin you in a category A or B, limiting how you perceive yourself. 5 years ago, I'd definitely have called myself an int

by GuiA 10y ago

0. Stop caring about binary labels that bin you in a category A or B, limiting how you perceive yourself. 5 years ago, I'd definitely have called myself an introvert- except I used it as a crutch to justify certain behaviors that were actually harming my broader self development. Just do what feels right for you- don't want to go to that party? Don't! But maybe interpret it more as "I'm not feeling it tonight" rather as a consequence of an eternal truth about yourself. Avoid thought patterns of the form "well of course I can't do X/of course this would make me feel Y- I'm an introvert!". Sure, I'm still more on the quiet "stay at home alone" side of things than most people my age, but I still did a lot of work on getting out of my comfort zone and getting better at small talk, and other silly social interactions, etc, and while it was painful at first it made me a much more balanced, well rounded person. It led to meaningful connections and friendships I'd never have had otherwise. EDIT: can't agree enough with laynnn's comment.

ekzy 10y ago
Agreed, thanks for writing this. I would also add a 0.5) Stop waiting a full year to change things you want to change. Resolutions can be made at a faster pace!
Swizec 10y ago
Everything GuiA said and remember, you are the only constant in your life. That awkward thing you did? To everyone else it's just a blip. 30 seconds of someone doing something weird versus the other 604,800 seconds in the week. Nobody but you cares. Or as someone more eloquent than me put it: People would worry a lot less about what others think of them if they realized how little they do. Or put even a third way: you're the main star in your movie. In everybody else's you're a very minor side character. Often barely an extra. This means you can do almost whatever and see what works. Experiment. Say stupid shit.
Joeboy 10y ago
I semi-agree, but I actually liked the article precisely because opinions like yours are the only ones I ever hear. I agree that it's probably a good idea to go outside sometimes even if you don't feel like it. But you should not discount the possibility that for some people, spending more time outside your comfort zone is going to yield diminishing returns, and ultimately just deliver the advertised discomfort.
- LoSboccacc 10y ago
  yup. being introvert is more about how the brain perceives social interaction. introvert people just feel other activities more rewarding. relevant comic: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/3f/d8/7f/3fd87fb8efe2b68ee211d163768cd6ef.jpg https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/3f/d8/7f/3fd8...
MarcScott 10y ago
I am a white, male, heterosexual, married, tall, bald, bearded, introvert. None of these binary labels affect how I perceive myself, they are just very useful in communicating who I am to other people. I understand your point, that there are spectra of manifested behaviors, but as a self-identifying introvert I find much within the article syncs with my feelings, even if it isn't advice I would necessarily follow.
closeparen 10y ago
Alternatively, 0. Stop letting people tell you that your personality and preferences are defective, and the only way to be a functioning human is to adopt theirs. It's not more correct to be at home on the dance floor. Exhortations to "get out of your comfort zone" and adopt behaviors that are the most fun, natural thing in the world for the person making the exhortation are... unconvincing, at least. Over time I've come to believe that it's really all just preferences, with one side being at times obnoxiously preachy about theirs. We are not lesser. The compulsively social have as much to learn from us as we do from them. I mean, sure, work to change your behaviors to the extent you feel is useful, but you don't have to start from the assumption that your current state is inferior.
- deleted 10y ago
  [deleted]
- xyzzy_plugh 10y ago
  Breaking out of your comfort zone isn't about addressing defects, it's about growing as a person. If you are content staying in, great. Many people face paralyzing fear or anxiety and want to overcome it or maybe just aren't happy with 100% of who they are. If you are, great, I don't think you're the target audience.
  - Joeboy 10y ago
    > Breaking out of your comfort zone isn't about addressing defects, it's about growing as a person. Do you think it's the discomfort itself that helps you grow as a person, or something else? If not, what? For myself, I think I've probably got about as good as I'm going to get at faking sociability. Sometimes that's useful, but I don't see much point in experiencing discomfort for discomfort's sake.
    - a_t48 10y ago
      For me it's more that breaking out of that comfort zone will let me get more opportunities for myself and meet more interesting people.
forgetsusername 10y ago
>Stop caring about binary labels that bin you in a category A or B, limiting how you perceive yourself. These "binary labels" allowed me to read about other people's experience and feel "normal", that my disdain for certain experiences or environments wasn't a flaw. In fact, it's common. You can dismiss them, but they've been helpful to me.
webwanderings 10y ago
> interpret it more as "I'm not feeling it tonight" I agree somewhat but above is generally not how it goes. It usually is the case of "I never feel" which then becomes a loop from which you never come out. So, there's actually nothing wrong with having a framework/label, binary or otherwise.
overgard 10y ago
People are going to label you whether you choose to participate or not. It is what it is.
okreallywtf 10y ago
The only caveat I have to that is that it is important to learn enough about yourself to know the difference between really not wanting to do something and being anxious about doing something, they can feel very similar. It can be easy to talk yourself out of doing new things or putting yourself in a challenging social situation that you will actually benefit from and likely enjoy, and it took me a while to learn the difference and not let myself get away with doing things just because I was anxious and told myself "I'm an introvert thats why!".
reledi 10y ago
It's well known by now that introversion/extroversion is not binary but a range. Do we really need to point this out every time the author doesn't mention it?

by GuiA 10y ago

ekzy 10y ago

Agreed, thanks for writing this. I would also add a 0.5) Stop waiting a full year to change things you want to change. Resolutions can be made at a faster pace!

Swizec 10y ago

Everything GuiA said and remember, you are the only constant in your life. That awkward thing you did? To everyone else it's just a blip. 30 seconds of someone doing something weird versus the other 604,800 seconds in the week. Nobody but you cares. Or as someone more eloquent than me put it: People would worry a lot less about what others think of them if they realized how little they do. Or put even a third way: you're the main star in your movie. In everybody else's you're a very minor side character. Often barely an extra. This means you can do almost whatever and see what works. Experiment. Say stupid shit.

Joeboy 10y ago

I semi-agree, but I actually liked the article precisely because opinions like yours are the only ones I ever hear. I agree that it's probably a good idea to go outside sometimes even if you don't feel like it. But you should not discount the possibility that for some people, spending more time outside your comfort zone is going to yield diminishing returns, and ultimately just deliver the advertised discomfort.

LoSboccacc 10y ago
yup. being introvert is more about how the brain perceives social interaction. introvert people just feel other activities more rewarding. relevant comic: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/3f/d8/7f/3fd87fb8efe2b68ee211d163768cd6ef.jpg https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/3f/d8/7f/3fd8...

MarcScott 10y ago

I am a white, male, heterosexual, married, tall, bald, bearded, introvert. None of these binary labels affect how I perceive myself, they are just very useful in communicating who I am to other people. I understand your point, that there are spectra of manifested behaviors, but as a self-identifying introvert I find much within the article syncs with my feelings, even if it isn't advice I would necessarily follow.

closeparen 10y ago

Alternatively, 0. Stop letting people tell you that your personality and preferences are defective, and the only way to be a functioning human is to adopt theirs. It's not more correct to be at home on the dance floor. Exhortations to "get out of your comfort zone" and adopt behaviors that are the most fun, natural thing in the world for the person making the exhortation are... unconvincing, at least. Over time I've come to believe that it's really all just preferences, with one side being at times obnoxiously preachy about theirs. We are not lesser. The compulsively social have as much to learn from us as we do from them. I mean, sure, work to change your behaviors to the extent you feel is useful, but you don't have to start from the assumption that your current state is inferior.

deleted 10y ago
[deleted]
xyzzy_plugh 10y ago
Breaking out of your comfort zone isn't about addressing defects, it's about growing as a person. If you are content staying in, great. Many people face paralyzing fear or anxiety and want to overcome it or maybe just aren't happy with 100% of who they are. If you are, great, I don't think you're the target audience.
- Joeboy 10y ago
  > Breaking out of your comfort zone isn't about addressing defects, it's about growing as a person. Do you think it's the discomfort itself that helps you grow as a person, or something else? If not, what? For myself, I think I've probably got about as good as I'm going to get at faking sociability. Sometimes that's useful, but I don't see much point in experiencing discomfort for discomfort's sake.
  - a_t48 10y ago
    For me it's more that breaking out of that comfort zone will let me get more opportunities for myself and meet more interesting people.

forgetsusername 10y ago

>Stop caring about binary labels that bin you in a category A or B, limiting how you perceive yourself. These "binary labels" allowed me to read about other people's experience and feel "normal", that my disdain for certain experiences or environments wasn't a flaw. In fact, it's common. You can dismiss them, but they've been helpful to me.

webwanderings 10y ago

> interpret it more as "I'm not feeling it tonight" I agree somewhat but above is generally not how it goes. It usually is the case of "I never feel" which then becomes a loop from which you never come out. So, there's actually nothing wrong with having a framework/label, binary or otherwise.

overgard 10y ago

People are going to label you whether you choose to participate or not. It is what it is.

okreallywtf 10y ago

The only caveat I have to that is that it is important to learn enough about yourself to know the difference between really not wanting to do something and being anxious about doing something, they can feel very similar. It can be easy to talk yourself out of doing new things or putting yourself in a challenging social situation that you will actually benefit from and likely enjoy, and it took me a while to learn the difference and not let myself get away with doing things just because I was anxious and told myself "I'm an introvert thats why!".

reledi 10y ago

It's well known by now that introversion/extroversion is not binary but a range. Do we really need to point this out every time the author doesn't mention it?