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There is no quote that can translate that context well. And it was sexist, perhaps even meant to be complimentary and not necessary. But it was not evil. What h

There is no quote that can translate that context well. And it was sexist, perhaps even meant to be complimentary and not necessary. But it was not evil. What he did was not the point. The point is what followed and how it was handled. And every employee has more than one supervisor. I feel like you are totally missing why I wrote this piece by focusing on one sentence.

mistermann 10y ago
Please don't take this as confrontational, but maybe there is a point that you are missing, that maybe you have made an error in your assessment of what happened, of what people's actual motives are. I genuinely feel like you are unnecessarily secretive about the details of this. Of course there often are details that must be kept secret for various reasons, but my intuition is suggesting otherwise. Personally, I don't just take someone at their word. As they say, extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence, in this case you seem reluctant to give any evidence. Can't you see how that might make some people a little suspicious, especially if they've observed this sort of thing before?
- 794CD01 10y ago
  A claim of sexism at a tech company is not in any way "extraordinary".
  - mistermann 10y ago
    Oh, does this sort of thing happen routinely at Apple? I hadn't read that, could you provide your source?
    - foldr 10y ago
      https://mic.com/articles/154169/leaked-apple-emails-reveal-employees-complaints-about-sexist-toxic-work-environment https://mic.com/articles/154169/leaked-apple-emails-reveal-e...
qb45 10y ago
> What he did was not the point. But the way you talk about him totally is. You shouldn't defend people who give you undeserved favors at the cost of others, if this is what he did. And you absolutely shouldn't be surprised by the consequences, if you do. Your coworkers may have felt equally threatened by this supervisor as you did by them. Associating yourself with people like him will do you no good. > I feel like you are totally missing why I wrote this piece by focusing on one sentence. No doubt. People have their own agendas to play, not everybody will support yours.
- digler999 10y ago
  > Associating yourself with people like him will do you no good. that's called "blaming the victim". how do you not "associate" yourself with your own supervisor ??
  - smsowmya 10y ago
    sigh. i did not take any favors - i want my career to be built on merit and not favoritism - that is why i left the company. but do people realize that's not actually fair ? and this happens to a lot of women, not just me.
    - qb45 10y ago
      Hey, I didn't want to say that you were taking favors from the guy. I reacted to your defense of him here on HN - you initially described him as awkward and sexist but later said that he was just treating you fairly. If he was awkward there's no point pretending he wasn't. If he provoked others to hate you, there's no point pretending he didn't. It's not your fault anyway and coworkers were wrong to retaliate on you even if provoked. And maybe my yesterday post was too harsh. I take your word that you don't want favors. But be careful with how you present this guy - I doubt that he was exactly awkward, sexist, equal and fair all at the same time :) And you wouldn't want to give appearance of rationalizing somebody who actually happens to be unfair to others, that's what I wanted to say.
      - 10y ago

mistermann 10y ago

Please don't take this as confrontational, but maybe there is a point that you are missing, that maybe you have made an error in your assessment of what happened, of what people's actual motives are. I genuinely feel like you are unnecessarily secretive about the details of this. Of course there often are details that must be kept secret for various reasons, but my intuition is suggesting otherwise. Personally, I don't just take someone at their word. As they say, extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence, in this case you seem reluctant to give any evidence. Can't you see how that might make some people a little suspicious, especially if they've observed this sort of thing before?

794CD01 10y ago
A claim of sexism at a tech company is not in any way "extraordinary".
- mistermann 10y ago
  Oh, does this sort of thing happen routinely at Apple? I hadn't read that, could you provide your source?
  - foldr 10y ago
    https://mic.com/articles/154169/leaked-apple-emails-reveal-employees-complaints-about-sexist-toxic-work-environment https://mic.com/articles/154169/leaked-apple-emails-reveal-e...

qb45 10y ago

> What he did was not the point. But the way you talk about him totally is. You shouldn't defend people who give you undeserved favors at the cost of others, if this is what he did. And you absolutely shouldn't be surprised by the consequences, if you do. Your coworkers may have felt equally threatened by this supervisor as you did by them. Associating yourself with people like him will do you no good. > I feel like you are totally missing why I wrote this piece by focusing on one sentence. No doubt. People have their own agendas to play, not everybody will support yours.

digler999 10y ago
> Associating yourself with people like him will do you no good. that's called "blaming the victim". how do you not "associate" yourself with your own supervisor ??
- smsowmya 10y ago
  sigh. i did not take any favors - i want my career to be built on merit and not favoritism - that is why i left the company. but do people realize that's not actually fair ? and this happens to a lot of women, not just me.
  - qb45 10y ago
    Hey, I didn't want to say that you were taking favors from the guy. I reacted to your defense of him here on HN - you initially described him as awkward and sexist but later said that he was just treating you fairly. If he was awkward there's no point pretending he wasn't. If he provoked others to hate you, there's no point pretending he didn't. It's not your fault anyway and coworkers were wrong to retaliate on you even if provoked. And maybe my yesterday post was too harsh. I take your word that you don't want favors. But be careful with how you present this guy - I doubt that he was exactly awkward, sexist, equal and fair all at the same time :) And you wouldn't want to give appearance of rationalizing somebody who actually happens to be unfair to others, that's what I wanted to say.
    - 10y ago