4 ms·

I wonder why she didn't record everything - especially since both managers and HR were trying to gaslight her - making her doubt her sanity. If she'd gone to H

I wonder why she didn't record everything - especially since both managers and HR were trying to gaslight her - making her doubt her sanity. If she'd gone to HR with recordings and they brushed aside her concerns then she'd have a much stronger case. Well as she said, a distressed mind doesn't think properly.

smsowmya 10y ago
if i had the ability to be this clearheaded, we wouldn't be having this problem at all ..
- mtrimpe 10y ago
  Having been through an eerily similar episode as what you describe (but then as an LGBT employee) I did have an almost perfect paper trail but it still didn't help. It takes an absolutely insane amount of energy to fight a huge company like this and even if you do everything right the chances are pretty good they'll wear you out first. Best of luck with your recovery! It's been a really tough few years for me and I can't think of much to say except that I empathize with you and perhaps recommend this book [1] which looking back lists a lot of things that helped me get over it. [1] https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18693771-the-body-keeps-the-score https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18693771-the-body-keeps-...
  - notfitforwrk 10y ago
    Thanks for sharing the book. I am an employee of another big tech company currently going through similar process of HR not being very helpful despite raising grievance for last two months. The book is on point. With children and family, the fight is not worth the stress and permanent health impact.
    - smsowmya 10y ago
      i will agree. from unfortunate personal experience.
    - mtrimpe 10y ago
      Indeed. I wouldn't suggest anyone enduring months and months of not feeling safe at a visceral level if you also have the choice to disengage. If you find a way to keep feeling safe, like I imagine having a good pro-bono legal advisor could have done for me, then by all means go ahead. If not, then there's also no shame in just moving on.
      - smsowmya 10y ago
        i agree about walking away, but i think by the time you think its a legal issue, its too late. its not easy to find a job when you have anxiety or depression - i tried a lot to do that. i also trusted the company, which i think is a fair thing to do.
        mtrimpe 10y ago
        > i also trusted the company, which i think is a fair thing to do. I thought the same; but like you was mistaken in that. Looking back I've come to realize that, even though it shouldn't be, as soon as you get HR involved it's become a legal issue. But yeah; my point was that if solid legal backing could prevent you from developing the anxiety and depression, like I think it would have for me, then it could be worth going through with it...
  - smsowmya 10y ago
    thanks a lot :) sorry you had to do that. i will look at the book. :-)
- dang 10y ago
  Your contributions in this thread have been extraordinarily clearheaded, and levelheaded too. I'm a moderator here and want to thank you for that. It isn't easy to keep your balance this way when a large internet community is dissecting every grain of what you wrote, let alone on such a difficult topic.
  - smsowmya 10y ago
    thank you :-) that means a lot to me !
kalleboo 10y ago
If you're trying to make people sympathise with you and support you, pulling out a recording device isn't the first thing you want to do.
- vezycash 10y ago
  According to the author, she'd discuss one thing with HR and their official report would state something completely different. To be precise, HR said, the author refused the company's help. What do you suppose she do in this case apart from recording the meeting?
RubenSandwich 10y ago
I think she followed the correct procedure. A problem was occurring and she went to HR to inform them. Would of it been better if she had evidence? Of course, but it's HR's ultimate responsibility to conduct the investigation. Just like it's the police's responsibility to conduct a investigation after an incident, not the victims. (This is of course best case which unfortunately didn't happen here.)
jerf 10y ago
You must be careful about recording things, because there are a lot of laws around that, and you can end up in more trouble yourself, as in, Federal law violation and go-to-jail trouble. See for instance: http://www.dmlp.org/legal-guide/recording-phone-calls-and-conversations http://www.dmlp.org/legal-guide/recording-phone-calls-and-co... Though I would never recommend making decisions about that based on one web page. For the sake of argument, assuming that this took place in California, that's a "two-party" consent state for recordings, which at least means you don't have a unilateral right to record anything you want. Exactly how that would interact with taking place on corporate property in a corporate setting is something you'd have to ask a lawyer about.

smsowmya 10y ago

if i had the ability to be this clearheaded, we wouldn't be having this problem at all ..

mtrimpe 10y ago
Having been through an eerily similar episode as what you describe (but then as an LGBT employee) I did have an almost perfect paper trail but it still didn't help. It takes an absolutely insane amount of energy to fight a huge company like this and even if you do everything right the chances are pretty good they'll wear you out first. Best of luck with your recovery! It's been a really tough few years for me and I can't think of much to say except that I empathize with you and perhaps recommend this book [1] which looking back lists a lot of things that helped me get over it. [1] https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18693771-the-body-keeps-the-score https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18693771-the-body-keeps-...
- notfitforwrk 10y ago
  Thanks for sharing the book. I am an employee of another big tech company currently going through similar process of HR not being very helpful despite raising grievance for last two months. The book is on point. With children and family, the fight is not worth the stress and permanent health impact.
  - smsowmya 10y ago
    i will agree. from unfortunate personal experience.
  - mtrimpe 10y ago
    Indeed. I wouldn't suggest anyone enduring months and months of not feeling safe at a visceral level if you also have the choice to disengage. If you find a way to keep feeling safe, like I imagine having a good pro-bono legal advisor could have done for me, then by all means go ahead. If not, then there's also no shame in just moving on.
    - smsowmya 10y ago
      i agree about walking away, but i think by the time you think its a legal issue, its too late. its not easy to find a job when you have anxiety or depression - i tried a lot to do that. i also trusted the company, which i think is a fair thing to do.
      - mtrimpe 10y ago
        > i also trusted the company, which i think is a fair thing to do. I thought the same; but like you was mistaken in that. Looking back I've come to realize that, even though it shouldn't be, as soon as you get HR involved it's become a legal issue. But yeah; my point was that if solid legal backing could prevent you from developing the anxiety and depression, like I think it would have for me, then it could be worth going through with it...
- smsowmya 10y ago
  thanks a lot :) sorry you had to do that. i will look at the book. :-)
dang 10y ago
Your contributions in this thread have been extraordinarily clearheaded, and levelheaded too. I'm a moderator here and want to thank you for that. It isn't easy to keep your balance this way when a large internet community is dissecting every grain of what you wrote, let alone on such a difficult topic.
- smsowmya 10y ago
  thank you :-) that means a lot to me !

kalleboo 10y ago

If you're trying to make people sympathise with you and support you, pulling out a recording device isn't the first thing you want to do.

vezycash 10y ago
According to the author, she'd discuss one thing with HR and their official report would state something completely different. To be precise, HR said, the author refused the company's help. What do you suppose she do in this case apart from recording the meeting?

RubenSandwich 10y ago

I think she followed the correct procedure. A problem was occurring and she went to HR to inform them. Would of it been better if she had evidence? Of course, but it's HR's ultimate responsibility to conduct the investigation. Just like it's the police's responsibility to conduct a investigation after an incident, not the victims. (This is of course best case which unfortunately didn't happen here.)

jerf 10y ago

You must be careful about recording things, because there are a lot of laws around that, and you can end up in more trouble yourself, as in, Federal law violation and go-to-jail trouble. See for instance: http://www.dmlp.org/legal-guide/recording-phone-calls-and-conversations http://www.dmlp.org/legal-guide/recording-phone-calls-and-co... Though I would never recommend making decisions about that based on one web page. For the sake of argument, assuming that this took place in California, that's a "two-party" consent state for recordings, which at least means you don't have a unilateral right to record anything you want. Exactly how that would interact with taking place on corporate property in a corporate setting is something you'd have to ask a lawyer about.