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Something I did not find addressed in the article, but I think is relevant: would you agree that text communication (email/forum posts/chat) are making things e

by Pamar 10y ago

Something I did not find addressed in the article, but I think is relevant: would you agree that text communication (email/forum posts/chat) are making things easier (possibly "too easy") for shy people? I mean, how frequently you prefer to send a text message instead of just calling?

vog 10y ago
This is pretty typical for shy poeple. "Just calling" means that you have to receive the reaction immediately, and moreover, that you have to react on that immediately, too. This is much more intimidating than waiting for a response, reading it whenever you feel like, and having enough time to think about your answer. Even on chat or instant messaging, it is generally accepted that it may take half a minute, or even 5 minutes, to take for a reply. So even these so-called "real-time" services are about two orders of magnitude less "real-time" than a phone call (0.5-2.0 seconds versus 30-300 seconds). Also, with text you can get help from trusted people that help you write answers, which is not so simple on a phone call.
- Pamar 10y ago
  I agree with most of your comment, except the last part. In my opinion if you actually ask for help to put together a written answer you are way beyond "shyness" and would have serious problems functioning in society. (Also, how would you ask someone else for help? I mean, that would be beyond embarrassing in itself, don't you think?).
  - vog 10y ago
    To my experience, it is a fairly common expression of shyness to use trusted people's help when communicating. I actually know some people doing that - not just for text, but also for phone calls (they hope one wouldn't notice, or so I guess). These are young and/or inexperienced people, and the helpers are usually best frieds, siblings or parents. Of course you can downturn them as having "serious problems functioning in society", but that's somewhat true for all sufficiently young people - they are still leaning, and I'm not to judge how people learn best.
    - Pamar 10y ago
      Ok, fair enough. I am in my fifties, so I automatically assumed people 30+. Your clarification makes sense.
  - shawabawa3 10y ago
    Have you seriously never asked for help in writing a text or email? e.g. If applying for a job via email, I might message one my friends asking "what sounds better, A or B?" or, "I don't know what to write here... X sounds a bit awkward.." or "Bob just asked me <awkward question>... What should I say?"
    - Pamar 10y ago
      Honestly: no. Maybe I am more in the "asocial" segment but ever when I was younger I always tried to either communicate in person (including phone or face-to-face when Internet use was not so widespread) or, if I had to write, I did it on my own. It's probably a ego thing, but I would find more embarrassing to ask someone to help me writing a Valentine (or a cover letter for a job) than to do it myself. If I were actually too intimidated by the task (submitting my CV to Google? Inviting a movie star to hang out?) I would probably just not even try, but involving a third party would never be an option for me. Is this meta-shyness? Being shy about being shy?
spatulon 10y ago
Yes, it can be easier if you're talking about contacting a specific person, but in general I've found my shyness/introversion even more cripping online than in real life. I've been lurking on various forums and social media sites for more than half my life, and I've always been too shy to post regularly. Consequently, I've never made any friends online, whereas I have made friends in real life (albeit not many).
- pavel_lishin 10y ago
  Weird; I find the opposite. Posting online helps me make online friends, making eventual irl meet-ups less stressful. There's a shared history already, instead of having to try to start from absolute scratch.
ThatGeoGuy 10y ago
There's a bit more at play than just shyness here, I think. I've sent texts a number of times just because I didn't know what the person was doing on the other side. Calling someone for a chat in the middle of the day is pretty disruptive, especially if they're at work or somewhere where they may not be able to talk loudly (library, movie theatre, open office layout). When you call, you don't just have to interrupt the person you're calling, but you could be interrupting everyone around them too. At least with texting, you can more or less assume only the person you're texting will have to pay attention to the message, and even then they can delay reading or replying until they have sufficient time.
greggman 10y ago
Id say texting is worse for me. Before 2000 I called my friends and talked, sometimes for hours. Now I never talk to friends on the phone because social norms have changed that calling might be interrupting where as texting is not. Texting is slow and annoying so the conversations are not very long or in depth. The overall effect is I'm far far more isolated than at anytime in my life.

by Pamar 10y ago

vog 10y ago

This is pretty typical for shy poeple. "Just calling" means that you have to receive the reaction immediately, and moreover, that you have to react on that immediately, too. This is much more intimidating than waiting for a response, reading it whenever you feel like, and having enough time to think about your answer. Even on chat or instant messaging, it is generally accepted that it may take half a minute, or even 5 minutes, to take for a reply. So even these so-called "real-time" services are about two orders of magnitude less "real-time" than a phone call (0.5-2.0 seconds versus 30-300 seconds). Also, with text you can get help from trusted people that help you write answers, which is not so simple on a phone call.

Pamar 10y ago
I agree with most of your comment, except the last part. In my opinion if you actually ask for help to put together a written answer you are way beyond "shyness" and would have serious problems functioning in society. (Also, how would you ask someone else for help? I mean, that would be beyond embarrassing in itself, don't you think?).
- vog 10y ago
  To my experience, it is a fairly common expression of shyness to use trusted people's help when communicating. I actually know some people doing that - not just for text, but also for phone calls (they hope one wouldn't notice, or so I guess). These are young and/or inexperienced people, and the helpers are usually best frieds, siblings or parents. Of course you can downturn them as having "serious problems functioning in society", but that's somewhat true for all sufficiently young people - they are still leaning, and I'm not to judge how people learn best.
  - Pamar 10y ago
    Ok, fair enough. I am in my fifties, so I automatically assumed people 30+. Your clarification makes sense.
- shawabawa3 10y ago
  Have you seriously never asked for help in writing a text or email? e.g. If applying for a job via email, I might message one my friends asking "what sounds better, A or B?" or, "I don't know what to write here... X sounds a bit awkward.." or "Bob just asked me <awkward question>... What should I say?"
  - Pamar 10y ago
    Honestly: no. Maybe I am more in the "asocial" segment but ever when I was younger I always tried to either communicate in person (including phone or face-to-face when Internet use was not so widespread) or, if I had to write, I did it on my own. It's probably a ego thing, but I would find more embarrassing to ask someone to help me writing a Valentine (or a cover letter for a job) than to do it myself. If I were actually too intimidated by the task (submitting my CV to Google? Inviting a movie star to hang out?) I would probably just not even try, but involving a third party would never be an option for me. Is this meta-shyness? Being shy about being shy?

spatulon 10y ago

Yes, it can be easier if you're talking about contacting a specific person, but in general I've found my shyness/introversion even more cripping online than in real life. I've been lurking on various forums and social media sites for more than half my life, and I've always been too shy to post regularly. Consequently, I've never made any friends online, whereas I have made friends in real life (albeit not many).

pavel_lishin 10y ago
Weird; I find the opposite. Posting online helps me make online friends, making eventual irl meet-ups less stressful. There's a shared history already, instead of having to try to start from absolute scratch.

ThatGeoGuy 10y ago

There's a bit more at play than just shyness here, I think. I've sent texts a number of times just because I didn't know what the person was doing on the other side. Calling someone for a chat in the middle of the day is pretty disruptive, especially if they're at work or somewhere where they may not be able to talk loudly (library, movie theatre, open office layout). When you call, you don't just have to interrupt the person you're calling, but you could be interrupting everyone around them too. At least with texting, you can more or less assume only the person you're texting will have to pay attention to the message, and even then they can delay reading or replying until they have sufficient time.

greggman 10y ago

Id say texting is worse for me. Before 2000 I called my friends and talked, sometimes for hours. Now I never talk to friends on the phone because social norms have changed that calling might be interrupting where as texting is not. Texting is slow and annoying so the conversations are not very long or in depth. The overall effect is I'm far far more isolated than at anytime in my life.