11 ms·

Google’s former happiness guru's three-second brain exercise for finding joy

126 points by endswapper 10y ago

CuriouslyC 10y ago
The idea of savoring experiences is a good start. An even better technique is when your brain isn't otherwise occupied, actively look for things around you to appreciate or enjoy. Most miserable people's default behavior is to look for things to criticize, get angry over, be annoyed with, etc.
- asciihacker 10y ago
  > The idea of savoring experiences is a good start. Sort of. But real Buddhist mindfulness would call that 'savoring' craving. Nirvana lies in lack of attachment to the rise and fall of phenomena, not savoring the rise.
  - CuriouslyC 10y ago
    That's really just a function of how you define savoring. For me, savoring something is being fully present in the experience, and really turning the senses experiencing it up to 11.
- projektir 10y ago
  Most miserable people also exist in miserable conditions where there are not that many chances for them to enjoy something or access to a philosophy that allows them to do that. Please have a bit more empathy for your fellow man, and remember that nobody tries to be miserable on purpose: something must have went really wrong along the way.
  - CuriouslyC 10y ago
    I have a great deal of empathy for my species. That doesn't mean that I always have to be gentle. Jesus was about as loving of a cat as you could imagine, but there were times he laid down the law when people were out of line. The idea that only special things are worthy of being savored is at the root of the problem. A sunset, a flower, a slice of cheese pizza, whatever - it's beautiful, appreciate it.
    - projektir 10y ago
      Empathy is not about being gentle, it's about being able to understand the perspective, life situation, and mentality of another. Sunsets, flowers, and good-tasting slices of cheese pizza are actually kind of special. Plenty of people don't have access to these things. They wake up before the sun is up, then they go work in some building away from trees and flowers and the sky, eat the only cheap, low quality food they can find, and then come back home when the sun is already down. And after living life like this for many years, their brain starts to forget the beauty of the flower or the sunset or the cheese, and when they finally see it, it doesn't look as bright and beautiful as it does to us. http://ivn.us/2014/05/23/the-psychological-effects-of-poverty/ http://ivn.us/2014/05/23/the-psychological-effects-of-povert... http://pss.sagepub.com/content/early/2015/08/25/0956797615597672 http://pss.sagepub.com/content/early/2015/08/25/095679761559...
      - CuriouslyC 10y ago
        I feel for people that are suffering. I've been homeless, I've been crushingly poor, I've spent time with poor people in third world countries, I've suffered through all kinds of nasty stuff - I know firsthand what it is like. If your life situation is such that you don't have the ability to experience a sunrise/sunset/pretty flowers/cheese pizza/a variety of other equally common but amazing things, it is almost certainly because you put yourself in, and keep yourself in that situation. There's pretty much always a better option, if you really take a close look at things. I have limited empathy for self-imposed suffering, I feel that only reinforces bad choices. The analogy I make for most people is that their unhappiness is like being in jail, only their cell door is unlocked, nobody is guarding the prison, and nobody is keeping track of who should and should not be there. You could literally walk out at any time and be free. As for a hard life dulling your ability to feel pleasure, you are in control of how much you attend to your senses. It is exactly the thing my original comment was about - don't focus on how bad your life is and how much you suffer while you put this marvel of modern culinary magic in your mouth. Instead, quiet the mind, take a deep breath and inhale the aroma of the food. Really look at that beautiful slice of deliciousness, then take a bite, and roll it around on your tongue to truly feel the crispness of the crust and the spring of the cheese. Let the waves of flavor roll over you as the sauce and cheese intermingle in your mouth. When the food has been chewed to the point it is no longer pleasing, then swallow it and enjoy the feeling as it travels down into your stomach. You can literally do this for ANYTHING pleasant in your life, and it makes things _so_ much better.
Overtonwindow 10y ago
The trigger action reward loop was studied nicely in "The Power of Habit" but it's a lot harder than it sounds. I'm still not quite sure where the three second brain exercise comes from... Maybe I'm missing it because I'm not finding joy in the article?
- bimmer44 10y ago
  I also found "The Power of Habit" a fascinating read. It's one of the books I recommend most often. Understanding your habits & learning new ones is such a fundamental/essential part of living. I almost wish "Habit Management" had been a discrete subject in my school curriculum. My understanding of the 3 second exercise from the article is that it's the simple steps of experiencing a pleasant moment (trigger), noticing & reflecting on the simple pleasure (routine) and then the boost in happiness felt after this awareness (reward).
- CuriouslyC 10y ago
  For those reading this comment, I would honestly advise just picking up a psychology textbook that focuses on learning; the "Power of Habit" he refers to is just basic learning and behavior modification. The "Power of Habit" book is full of rambling anecdotes that do more to obfuscate the valuable content than emphasize it.
  - ortekk 10y ago
    Which one would you recommend?
  - adolph 10y ago
    I too found the anecdotes rambling and in the way. On the other hand, some folks may find the stories to be parables or mind palaces [1] that enhance retention of key points. YMMV 1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Method_of_loci https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Method_of_loci
    - petra 10y ago
      Active learning is usually more effective than passive learning , so reading a shorter focused book while building memory palaces should be more efective .
kgilpin 10y ago
The article states "People seem to get better at savoring the moment as they age". As a father of four, I'd like to point out that young children do this constantly! It seems that it's an ability that we have, and then lose, and then (hopefully) regain.
- aethertap 10y ago
  I'd bet it's inversely proportional to the number of things we have available to worry about. Kids and older people don't typically have (as) much to worry about as middle age people who are raising kids, caring for elders, paying debts, and trying to hold down jobs.
  - agumonkey 10y ago
    To me it also has to do with some evolving capacity. As a kid there's not so much things you can plan. You enjoy what you can. As an adult you start foreseeing (or at least believe you should try to). As you get older, this goes away (for many reasons) and you gradually go back to finding pleasure right there.
  - asciihacker 10y ago
    > I'd bet it's inversely proportional to the number of things we have available to worry about. When I was financially free I almost went crazy from lack of stress.
    - fapjacks 10y ago
      This is actually one of the roots of PTSD. A switch is turned on that can't be turned off, and it puts you in the strange situation of wishing you were back in the stressful situations of combat.
NietTim 10y ago
Holy crap, that stuff from silicon valley is real?!
- clydethefrog 10y ago
  Check out the New Yorker article[1] about how the series Silicon Valley nails Silicon Valley. My favourite paragraph: >Teller ended the meeting by standing up in a huff, but his attempt at a dramatic exit was marred by the fact that he was wearing Rollerblades. He wobbled to the door in silence. “Then there was this awkward moment of him fumbling with his I.D. badge, trying to get the door to open,” Kemper said. “It felt like it lasted an hour. We were all trying not to laugh. Even while it was happening, I knew we were all thinking the same thing: Can we use this?” In the end, the joke was deemed “too hacky to use on the show.” [1] http://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/how-silicon-valley-nails-silicon-valley http://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/how-silicon-va...
- aqp 10y ago
  He's not like Belson's spiritual adviser if that's what you mean. He was just an engineer, but he gave talks about meditation to anyone who wanted to go. Google employees can give themselves whatever title they like, and give talks (or invite people to come and give talks!) on any subject they like. That's why there's so many weird talks at Google - it just takes one person to agree to it.
aethertap 10y ago
Something I do with my kids every night after bedtime stories: we each think back over the day and tell each other what the best part of our day was. I started doing that in a bid to get them in the habit of noticing good things through the day and it seems to be working. Also, they love it - more than stories or songs. We can miss stories and songs some nights if we're out late, but they won't go to bed until we talk about our day.
- bigchewy 10y ago
  we started a practice ~1 month ago that a friend taught us. we now ask 3 questions of each other 1) How were you brave today? 2) How were you kind today? 3) How did you fail today? I've found it amazing how much conversation and learning it provokes.
  - aethertap 10y ago
    I like the direction of this. I've been thinking lately about trying to inspire kids to greatness, similar to the way ancient Romans made their ancestors greatest achievements highly visible in their homes [1] to inspire and challenge their children. Your question about failing made me think about that - maybe there is room for a question like "What did you do to [change the world/help others/achieve your goal/etc] today?" The desire to have a good answer at the end of the day might be enough to inspire some big-picture thinking. 1. Something I read somewhere, reference long gone now unfortunately.
- scwoodal 10y ago
  I do the same. So much more conversation is provoked by asking questions like "what made you happy/sad today?" vs. "how was your day?"
employee8000 10y ago
I think being a multi-millionaire and being able to do whatever you want, including nothing, is the real key to being able to "find joy". I don't think it has anything to do with his "exercises". Take away his millions, have him struggle to pay for rising rents with kids to clothe and feed, and put him in a job that he can't afford to quit and where he has to struggle every day with a shitty boss and I guarantee his techniques won't work.
- kelukelugames 10y ago
  Take happiness advice from people richer than you is like taking dating advice from people better looking than you.
  - colmvp 10y ago
    No no, the reason why you aren't getting hits on online dating is because your profile writeup isn't interesting, it has nothing to do with the fact that you aren't physically attractive!
  - akman 10y ago
    While it's easier to doubt the advice in those circumstances, ad hominem is still a fallacy that shouldn't be discounted. The advice could still be sound.
  - tasuki 10y ago
    The best dating advice I've received was from a guy much better looking than me. Being good looking helps one get the right mindset (but is not the key in itself). Still, there are plenty of good looking people who can't get laid and plenty of rich people who are unhappy.
- CuriouslyC 10y ago
  I guarantee there are people in that exact situation who are doing just fine. The same rain that drenches the dog rolls off the duck's back unnoticed. That being said, probably not a good idea to become responsible for other people before you've got your own life figured out.
sp332 10y ago
Here's my three-second mood improver: Think of a major positive event in your life. Imagine what your life would be like if it hadn't happened. Sounds silly but it works every time.
- asciihacker 10y ago
  and here's mine. Torch up a phatty and inhale.
- pbhjpbhj 10y ago
  >Imagine what your life would be like if it hadn't happened. // It doesn't sound sill it sounds to me like it would have the exact opposite effect. So I'm feeling low and I think "imagine if I'd not got my job, then I'd be feeling crap and be hungry and possibly homeless .. basically I'm an incapable and worthless person .. might as well top myself now". In contrast I practice enjoyment of those things which make my life better, like dwelling on their benefits drinking deeply of the contentment a moment of happiness can yield. Glad you've found something that works for you; and I'm going to dwell on that rather than imagine you hadn't and instead had become morose!
  - sp332 10y ago
    Well thinking about a bad future can get you down, but thinking about a bad past/present that was avoided would cheer you up. Even if it's just to keep you from daydreaming about how much better your life could be, and feeling bad about how far "behind" you are.
fao_ 10y ago
I feel like this is artificial happiness, to a certain degree. I feel like something for a reason. If I feel unhappy it's more of a benefit to me to figure out what's making me unhappy and do things to remedy that, rather than spending time on a hack so I can continue to do things I don't enjoy, for example. It's treating the symptoms of the problem but ignoring the problem. I also think that with myself (and possibly others), that it would lead to the habit of "Rather than setting aside time to do things I enjoy, or stepping away to do things I enjoy, I'll just do this exercise to be able to continue working my life away".
- projektir 10y ago
  I don't know, there may be too many problems and sources of unhappiness in the world to take that approach depending on your perspective. I think this is actually one of the causes of some really bad biases (just world hypothesis) that people have: they tie their happiness to their projection of reality, and are then compelled to keep their projection of reality to be very positive to stay happy.
- sliverstorm 10y ago
  I'd wager it's impossible to eliminate all sources of unhappiness in your life, at least without eliminating all the sources of happiness too. E.g., even the best family & friends periodically cause some stress & unhappiness. But excommunicating everyone doesn't make you better off.
n00b101 10y ago
TLDR; "stop and smell the roses"
deleted 10y ago
[deleted]
mynameis42 10y ago
Go tell a poor mother in Syria that just watched her kid blown to pieces to savor her next drink of water because it is so refreshing. The real world is a tough place and simply sticking your head in the sand doesn't solve anything for anyone. Don't deny reality by trying to ignore it and help your fellow humans when you can.
- deleted 10y ago
  [deleted]
tripzilch 10y ago
So if you ignore the gag-inducing clickbait title (small miracle I even clicked it) and start reading at "recognize thin slices of joy" in the third paragraph, this is actually a really nice article :) Mindfulness in slightly different wording.

126 points by endswapper 10y ago

The idea of savoring experiences is a good start. An even better technique is when your brain isn't otherwise occupied, actively look for things around you to appreciate or enjoy. Most miserable people's default behavior is to look for things to criticize, get angry over, be annoyed with, etc.

asciihacker 10y ago
> The idea of savoring experiences is a good start. Sort of. But real Buddhist mindfulness would call that 'savoring' craving. Nirvana lies in lack of attachment to the rise and fall of phenomena, not savoring the rise.
- CuriouslyC 10y ago
  That's really just a function of how you define savoring. For me, savoring something is being fully present in the experience, and really turning the senses experiencing it up to 11.
projektir 10y ago
Most miserable people also exist in miserable conditions where there are not that many chances for them to enjoy something or access to a philosophy that allows them to do that. Please have a bit more empathy for your fellow man, and remember that nobody tries to be miserable on purpose: something must have went really wrong along the way.
- CuriouslyC 10y ago
  I have a great deal of empathy for my species. That doesn't mean that I always have to be gentle. Jesus was about as loving of a cat as you could imagine, but there were times he laid down the law when people were out of line. The idea that only special things are worthy of being savored is at the root of the problem. A sunset, a flower, a slice of cheese pizza, whatever - it's beautiful, appreciate it.
  - projektir 10y ago
    Empathy is not about being gentle, it's about being able to understand the perspective, life situation, and mentality of another. Sunsets, flowers, and good-tasting slices of cheese pizza are actually kind of special. Plenty of people don't have access to these things. They wake up before the sun is up, then they go work in some building away from trees and flowers and the sky, eat the only cheap, low quality food they can find, and then come back home when the sun is already down. And after living life like this for many years, their brain starts to forget the beauty of the flower or the sunset or the cheese, and when they finally see it, it doesn't look as bright and beautiful as it does to us. http://ivn.us/2014/05/23/the-psychological-effects-of-poverty/ http://ivn.us/2014/05/23/the-psychological-effects-of-povert... http://pss.sagepub.com/content/early/2015/08/25/0956797615597672 http://pss.sagepub.com/content/early/2015/08/25/095679761559...
    - CuriouslyC 10y ago
      I feel for people that are suffering. I've been homeless, I've been crushingly poor, I've spent time with poor people in third world countries, I've suffered through all kinds of nasty stuff - I know firsthand what it is like. If your life situation is such that you don't have the ability to experience a sunrise/sunset/pretty flowers/cheese pizza/a variety of other equally common but amazing things, it is almost certainly because you put yourself in, and keep yourself in that situation. There's pretty much always a better option, if you really take a close look at things. I have limited empathy for self-imposed suffering, I feel that only reinforces bad choices. The analogy I make for most people is that their unhappiness is like being in jail, only their cell door is unlocked, nobody is guarding the prison, and nobody is keeping track of who should and should not be there. You could literally walk out at any time and be free. As for a hard life dulling your ability to feel pleasure, you are in control of how much you attend to your senses. It is exactly the thing my original comment was about - don't focus on how bad your life is and how much you suffer while you put this marvel of modern culinary magic in your mouth. Instead, quiet the mind, take a deep breath and inhale the aroma of the food. Really look at that beautiful slice of deliciousness, then take a bite, and roll it around on your tongue to truly feel the crispness of the crust and the spring of the cheese. Let the waves of flavor roll over you as the sauce and cheese intermingle in your mouth. When the food has been chewed to the point it is no longer pleasing, then swallow it and enjoy the feeling as it travels down into your stomach. You can literally do this for ANYTHING pleasant in your life, and it makes things _so_ much better.

Overtonwindow 10y ago

The trigger action reward loop was studied nicely in "The Power of Habit" but it's a lot harder than it sounds. I'm still not quite sure where the three second brain exercise comes from... Maybe I'm missing it because I'm not finding joy in the article?

bimmer44 10y ago
I also found "The Power of Habit" a fascinating read. It's one of the books I recommend most often. Understanding your habits & learning new ones is such a fundamental/essential part of living. I almost wish "Habit Management" had been a discrete subject in my school curriculum. My understanding of the 3 second exercise from the article is that it's the simple steps of experiencing a pleasant moment (trigger), noticing & reflecting on the simple pleasure (routine) and then the boost in happiness felt after this awareness (reward).
CuriouslyC 10y ago
For those reading this comment, I would honestly advise just picking up a psychology textbook that focuses on learning; the "Power of Habit" he refers to is just basic learning and behavior modification. The "Power of Habit" book is full of rambling anecdotes that do more to obfuscate the valuable content than emphasize it.
- ortekk 10y ago
  Which one would you recommend?
- adolph 10y ago
  I too found the anecdotes rambling and in the way. On the other hand, some folks may find the stories to be parables or mind palaces [1] that enhance retention of key points. YMMV 1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Method_of_loci https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Method_of_loci
  - petra 10y ago
    Active learning is usually more effective than passive learning , so reading a shorter focused book while building memory palaces should be more efective .

kgilpin 10y ago

The article states "People seem to get better at savoring the moment as they age". As a father of four, I'd like to point out that young children do this constantly! It seems that it's an ability that we have, and then lose, and then (hopefully) regain.

aethertap 10y ago
I'd bet it's inversely proportional to the number of things we have available to worry about. Kids and older people don't typically have (as) much to worry about as middle age people who are raising kids, caring for elders, paying debts, and trying to hold down jobs.
- agumonkey 10y ago
  To me it also has to do with some evolving capacity. As a kid there's not so much things you can plan. You enjoy what you can. As an adult you start foreseeing (or at least believe you should try to). As you get older, this goes away (for many reasons) and you gradually go back to finding pleasure right there.
- asciihacker 10y ago
  > I'd bet it's inversely proportional to the number of things we have available to worry about. When I was financially free I almost went crazy from lack of stress.
  - fapjacks 10y ago
    This is actually one of the roots of PTSD. A switch is turned on that can't be turned off, and it puts you in the strange situation of wishing you were back in the stressful situations of combat.

NietTim 10y ago

Holy crap, that stuff from silicon valley is real?!

clydethefrog 10y ago
Check out the New Yorker article[1] about how the series Silicon Valley nails Silicon Valley. My favourite paragraph: >Teller ended the meeting by standing up in a huff, but his attempt at a dramatic exit was marred by the fact that he was wearing Rollerblades. He wobbled to the door in silence. “Then there was this awkward moment of him fumbling with his I.D. badge, trying to get the door to open,” Kemper said. “It felt like it lasted an hour. We were all trying not to laugh. Even while it was happening, I knew we were all thinking the same thing: Can we use this?” In the end, the joke was deemed “too hacky to use on the show.” [1] http://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/how-silicon-valley-nails-silicon-valley http://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/how-silicon-va...
aqp 10y ago
He's not like Belson's spiritual adviser if that's what you mean. He was just an engineer, but he gave talks about meditation to anyone who wanted to go. Google employees can give themselves whatever title they like, and give talks (or invite people to come and give talks!) on any subject they like. That's why there's so many weird talks at Google - it just takes one person to agree to it.

aethertap 10y ago

Something I do with my kids every night after bedtime stories: we each think back over the day and tell each other what the best part of our day was. I started doing that in a bid to get them in the habit of noticing good things through the day and it seems to be working. Also, they love it - more than stories or songs. We can miss stories and songs some nights if we're out late, but they won't go to bed until we talk about our day.

bigchewy 10y ago
we started a practice ~1 month ago that a friend taught us. we now ask 3 questions of each other 1) How were you brave today? 2) How were you kind today? 3) How did you fail today? I've found it amazing how much conversation and learning it provokes.
- aethertap 10y ago
  I like the direction of this. I've been thinking lately about trying to inspire kids to greatness, similar to the way ancient Romans made their ancestors greatest achievements highly visible in their homes [1] to inspire and challenge their children. Your question about failing made me think about that - maybe there is room for a question like "What did you do to [change the world/help others/achieve your goal/etc] today?" The desire to have a good answer at the end of the day might be enough to inspire some big-picture thinking. 1. Something I read somewhere, reference long gone now unfortunately.
scwoodal 10y ago
I do the same. So much more conversation is provoked by asking questions like "what made you happy/sad today?" vs. "how was your day?"

employee8000 10y ago

I think being a multi-millionaire and being able to do whatever you want, including nothing, is the real key to being able to "find joy". I don't think it has anything to do with his "exercises". Take away his millions, have him struggle to pay for rising rents with kids to clothe and feed, and put him in a job that he can't afford to quit and where he has to struggle every day with a shitty boss and I guarantee his techniques won't work.

kelukelugames 10y ago
Take happiness advice from people richer than you is like taking dating advice from people better looking than you.
- colmvp 10y ago
  No no, the reason why you aren't getting hits on online dating is because your profile writeup isn't interesting, it has nothing to do with the fact that you aren't physically attractive!
- akman 10y ago
  While it's easier to doubt the advice in those circumstances, ad hominem is still a fallacy that shouldn't be discounted. The advice could still be sound.
- tasuki 10y ago
  The best dating advice I've received was from a guy much better looking than me. Being good looking helps one get the right mindset (but is not the key in itself). Still, there are plenty of good looking people who can't get laid and plenty of rich people who are unhappy.
CuriouslyC 10y ago
I guarantee there are people in that exact situation who are doing just fine. The same rain that drenches the dog rolls off the duck's back unnoticed. That being said, probably not a good idea to become responsible for other people before you've got your own life figured out.

sp332 10y ago

Here's my three-second mood improver: Think of a major positive event in your life. Imagine what your life would be like if it hadn't happened. Sounds silly but it works every time.

asciihacker 10y ago
and here's mine. Torch up a phatty and inhale.
pbhjpbhj 10y ago
>Imagine what your life would be like if it hadn't happened. // It doesn't sound sill it sounds to me like it would have the exact opposite effect. So I'm feeling low and I think "imagine if I'd not got my job, then I'd be feeling crap and be hungry and possibly homeless .. basically I'm an incapable and worthless person .. might as well top myself now". In contrast I practice enjoyment of those things which make my life better, like dwelling on their benefits drinking deeply of the contentment a moment of happiness can yield. Glad you've found something that works for you; and I'm going to dwell on that rather than imagine you hadn't and instead had become morose!
- sp332 10y ago
  Well thinking about a bad future can get you down, but thinking about a bad past/present that was avoided would cheer you up. Even if it's just to keep you from daydreaming about how much better your life could be, and feeling bad about how far "behind" you are.

fao_ 10y ago

I feel like this is artificial happiness, to a certain degree. I feel like something for a reason. If I feel unhappy it's more of a benefit to me to figure out what's making me unhappy and do things to remedy that, rather than spending time on a hack so I can continue to do things I don't enjoy, for example. It's treating the symptoms of the problem but ignoring the problem. I also think that with myself (and possibly others), that it would lead to the habit of "Rather than setting aside time to do things I enjoy, or stepping away to do things I enjoy, I'll just do this exercise to be able to continue working my life away".

projektir 10y ago
I don't know, there may be too many problems and sources of unhappiness in the world to take that approach depending on your perspective. I think this is actually one of the causes of some really bad biases (just world hypothesis) that people have: they tie their happiness to their projection of reality, and are then compelled to keep their projection of reality to be very positive to stay happy.
sliverstorm 10y ago
I'd wager it's impossible to eliminate all sources of unhappiness in your life, at least without eliminating all the sources of happiness too. E.g., even the best family & friends periodically cause some stress & unhappiness. But excommunicating everyone doesn't make you better off.

n00b101 10y ago

TLDR; "stop and smell the roses"

deleted 10y ago

[deleted]

mynameis42 10y ago

Go tell a poor mother in Syria that just watched her kid blown to pieces to savor her next drink of water because it is so refreshing. The real world is a tough place and simply sticking your head in the sand doesn't solve anything for anyone. Don't deny reality by trying to ignore it and help your fellow humans when you can.

deleted 10y ago
[deleted]

tripzilch 10y ago

So if you ignore the gag-inducing clickbait title (small miracle I even clicked it) and start reading at "recognize thin slices of joy" in the third paragraph, this is actually a really nice article :) Mindfulness in slightly different wording.