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When my elderly father was becoming careless with his money and giving it away to anyone he perceived to be in "need" ($1,000 or $10,000 at a time), we managed
by Johnny555 10y ago
When my elderly father was becoming careless with his money and giving it away to anyone he perceived to be in "need" ($1,000 or $10,000 at a time), we managed to convince him to give my brother power of attorney - ostensibly to make health care decisions, but in reality, the family moved his funds to a new account that dad didn't know about.
This was likely illegal as it was done without his knowledge, but it proved invaluable as it let us afford expensive home health care in the last few years of his life and avoided the need to move him to an assisted living facility (which he staunchly refused to do).
It took all of his retirement savings and most of the equity in his house to pay for it.
If he'd continued giving away all of his money, as his health declined, he would have had to be moved to a state subsidized care facility when it got to the point that he needed more care than family members could give him at home.
- clueless123 10y agoThere is a point in life when like it or not, switching roles with our parents is the right thing to do. The hardest part is accepting that this is necessary.
- thecourier 10y agothis sounds about right. I advice to open a trust fund so changing hands is just question of setting up a new president
- hosh 10y agoThere's an interesting myth that Joseph Campbell explained: A Victorian-era dinner table. Everyone dressed up to the nines, about to start a civilized dinner. When the course is served, you realize they were eating their children. Sounds gruesome if you take it literally. Taking it mythically, though, the Father eats the Son, meaning the child becomes the adult. Roles and life is not forever. There is a natural cycle to things, from birth to death, from one generation to the next. In this case, in switching roles, you truly become the adult, and leave behind the last remanent of childhood. And when you grow old enough, it will be your turn, just as it will be for me.
- totony 10y agoSure, stealing someone's autonomy seems like the natural course of life. As saddening as seeing that happen can be, stealing from someone "for is own good" is still stealing.
- kahrkunne 10y agoThis makes you more of a thief than the scammers, not only taking more money but also abusing the trust of your own father. Shame on you.
- n72 10y agoThat's some marvelous empathy.
- kahrkunne 10y agoWhy should I express empathy to the guy who ("probably") illegally stole his elderly father's money? If you can't get it done legally (by getting the person declared mentally unfit) then it's nothing more than theft. Deciding on your own that a person, your father none the less, shouldn't be allowed to control their own money, is indefensible. If you think this is so, there's well-defined legal procedures to do this. If for some reason those won't work for you, then it's gonna be hard to justify to me that you're doing the right thing.
- Johnny555 10y agoAt the time, his doctor and attorney said that while his behavior may have been out of character, it was not egregious enough to get a court order declaring him mentally incompetent. One of those professionals recommended (completely off the record and in literally whispered voice) the route that we followed.
- kahrkunne 10y agoSo he was not mentally incompetent, and you illegally took all his money, and you still think this is defensible? I'll never understand you people, thinking you have the right to touch other's property and decide their lives, because you think you know better than them. (and then collectively downvoting me to hell because I dare to defend the right to private property of mentally competent people and condemning theft)