8 ms·

Tell his parents is precisely what you should do. That's what would lead to possible behavior change. Letting him get away with it validates the behavior and t

by hoodoof 10y ago

Tell his parents is precisely what you should do. That's what would lead to possible behavior change. Letting him get away with it validates the behavior and teaches that it's OK and he will be able to talk his way out of such things again. It does everyone a disservice to not tell his parents. The author got manipulated twice. First convinced to hand over his money and then convinced not to tell the parents. The scammer player the author like a guitar. Right there is the psychopath's first big lesson - "people listen when I cry". The genius of the scammer/budding psychopath being that the blogger thinks he "won".

somedangedname 10y ago
Plus he's been educated about the dangers of scamming from interlinked accounts. If he does try this again it won't be as easy for the next victim to get their stuff back.
vacri 10y ago
Telling the brother seems to have done the same function as telling the parents, since that's the point at which the behaviour changed.
- hoodoof 10y ago
  The scammer said it is his parents that he does not want to be told, so that's precisely where his care factor is.
  - owaislone 10y ago
    or may be he was a master social engineer and this was a calculated move to stop the author from going to the police
  - ufmace 10y ago
    Yup, he said that just like he said that he was paying for the cards, and it was and then wasn't his ebay account...
- mikeash 10y ago
  Telling the brother showed that there was a threat. Not telling the parents showed that the threat was a bluff.
  - loeg 10y ago
    Not calling the cops showed that, especially.
    - boodm 10y ago
      This is FELONY theft in some states. This man is an absolute idiot for not calling the police on those who set out elaborate schemes to defraud others.
  - tzakrajs 10y ago
    The message was sent to brother and mother simultaneously.
nxzero 10y ago
The assumption is that the scammers parents would react in a way that would make a meaningful difference and the very fact that the scammer is a scammer to me calls this into question. Best way to express your opinion about something with someone is directly, not by asking their parents to do so for you.
- hoodoof 10y ago
  Do you have kids? My experience of kids is that they are greatly influenced by how their parents see their behaviour. Unless of course the parents have not built good relationship with their children, in which case the kids might not care a hoot what the parents think.
  - nxzero 10y ago
    >> "My experience of kids is that they are greatly influenced by how their parents see their behavior." Exactly, which is why it's very possible that the scammer behavior was learned from by the kid from their parents. I actively engage people around me. I've tried the whole talking to parents way, and if you don't know them it's not uncommon for the response to be to mind your own business or worse, "Fuck you, I know how to raise my kids." Beyond that, I've found that a number of parents with "good relationships" over estimate that the relationship is based on authority, not respect. This becomes obvious when the parent no longer has any authority over their children.
    - duaneb 10y ago
      Assuming that the parent doesn't care helps nobody, though. At least allow the parent to fail.
      - nxzero 10y ago
        The parent "caring" and making a meaningful positive difference are not the same things. Allowing the parent to fail might be super negative for the scammer too. For example, parents withdrawal of financial support for his education, kicking them out, reporting them to the police, or worse, the kid commits suicide; if you read the kids responses, it's very clear they're not stable. Fine with you disagreeing with my experiences of helping people, but please be careful in how you apply your approach in the real world.
nck4222 10y ago
The message he sent to his brother was also sent to his mother, she just hadn't read it yet when the blog post was made. The author wasn't manipulated twice, he didn't let the scammer get away with it. Although he should probably call the police.
- vkou 10y ago
  Police involvement is unlikely to make anything better. For every person who is scared straight, how many end up getting chewed up by the system, and coming out worse then they came in? Telling the parents would probably be more impactful - especially given that he really wanted to prevent that from happening.
  - lomnakkus 10y ago
    This is somewhat reminiscent of the "Scared Straight" idea, but I think that's pretty much debunked (as you allude to): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scared_Straight!#Criticism https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scared_Straight!#Criticism
- Symbiote 10y ago
  It's possible he has access to his mother's account, and has deleted it. I don't think it would be unusual for a 22 year old student to visit home and borrow mum's laptop.
  - nck4222 10y ago
    It's possible but the scammer specifically asks the author to delete the message before his mother reads it, so it seems unlikely.
  - geek_at 10y ago
    very possible. I checked the mothers account later and I couldn't find it (even though I had the link. He or his brother blocked me on her FB but I think it was his brother because this was before he begged me to delete my message to his mother
Udik 10y ago
Downvoted you. It's a big jump from "somebody, 22 yo, scammed somebody else online at least once" to "psychopath". To be frank, I think I wish the word "psychopath" was deleted from the dictionary altogether. It's just a handy label to apply to all sorts of baddies, effectively dehumanizing them (he's a psychopath- he would do anything to you, so you're justified in doing anything to him).
- Artoemius 10y ago
  Although calling someone a psychopath without access to their medical history is not literally correct, I don't agree with the spirit of your comment. After being caught, this scammer was actively trying to be seen as a human being. That is exactly the tactics he chose and this is exactly the tactics that helped him escape any punishment so far. I would advise against humanizing scammers too much.
  - Udik 10y ago
    So you're saying that after being caught, he should have sent to the victim of his scam a picture of himself putting live cats in a blender? Just to avoid being seen like somebody that tries to look human, you know. In other words, in your view, if he doesn't look human then he's a psychopath; if he does, this proves again that he's a psychopath. Confirmation bias? Ah, by the way and just FYI, psychopaths and scammers are human beings.
    - Artoemius 10y ago
      Yes, it's entirely possible to be both human and a piece of shit at the same time. It's the scammer's job to convince everyone that he is more human than a piece of shit, and it's our job not to fall for that. The factual validity of whatever bad names we might call him is irrelevant. (No, I don't think that calling scammers bad names is a viable anti-scammer strategy. I just don't agree with the opposing effort, which should only be expected from the scammer.)
    - ryguytilidie 10y ago
      "So you're saying that after being caught, he should have sent to the victim of his scam a picture of himself putting live cats in a blender? Just to avoid being seen like somebody that tries to look human, you know." Why would you even bother making this post? I can't imagine there is even like .0000001% of your being that believes that this is remotely close to what the person you're responding to thinks, so what exactly is this meant to accomplish? "haha, look at me mocking a point you never came close to making..."?

by hoodoof 10y ago

somedangedname 10y ago

Plus he's been educated about the dangers of scamming from interlinked accounts. If he does try this again it won't be as easy for the next victim to get their stuff back.

vacri 10y ago

Telling the brother seems to have done the same function as telling the parents, since that's the point at which the behaviour changed.

hoodoof 10y ago
The scammer said it is his parents that he does not want to be told, so that's precisely where his care factor is.
- owaislone 10y ago
  or may be he was a master social engineer and this was a calculated move to stop the author from going to the police
- ufmace 10y ago
  Yup, he said that just like he said that he was paying for the cards, and it was and then wasn't his ebay account...
mikeash 10y ago
Telling the brother showed that there was a threat. Not telling the parents showed that the threat was a bluff.
- loeg 10y ago
  Not calling the cops showed that, especially.
  - boodm 10y ago
    This is FELONY theft in some states. This man is an absolute idiot for not calling the police on those who set out elaborate schemes to defraud others.
- tzakrajs 10y ago
  The message was sent to brother and mother simultaneously.

nxzero 10y ago

The assumption is that the scammers parents would react in a way that would make a meaningful difference and the very fact that the scammer is a scammer to me calls this into question. Best way to express your opinion about something with someone is directly, not by asking their parents to do so for you.

hoodoof 10y ago
Do you have kids? My experience of kids is that they are greatly influenced by how their parents see their behaviour. Unless of course the parents have not built good relationship with their children, in which case the kids might not care a hoot what the parents think.
- nxzero 10y ago
  >> "My experience of kids is that they are greatly influenced by how their parents see their behavior." Exactly, which is why it's very possible that the scammer behavior was learned from by the kid from their parents. I actively engage people around me. I've tried the whole talking to parents way, and if you don't know them it's not uncommon for the response to be to mind your own business or worse, "Fuck you, I know how to raise my kids." Beyond that, I've found that a number of parents with "good relationships" over estimate that the relationship is based on authority, not respect. This becomes obvious when the parent no longer has any authority over their children.
  - duaneb 10y ago
    Assuming that the parent doesn't care helps nobody, though. At least allow the parent to fail.
    - nxzero 10y ago
      The parent "caring" and making a meaningful positive difference are not the same things. Allowing the parent to fail might be super negative for the scammer too. For example, parents withdrawal of financial support for his education, kicking them out, reporting them to the police, or worse, the kid commits suicide; if you read the kids responses, it's very clear they're not stable. Fine with you disagreeing with my experiences of helping people, but please be careful in how you apply your approach in the real world.

nck4222 10y ago

The message he sent to his brother was also sent to his mother, she just hadn't read it yet when the blog post was made. The author wasn't manipulated twice, he didn't let the scammer get away with it. Although he should probably call the police.

vkou 10y ago
Police involvement is unlikely to make anything better. For every person who is scared straight, how many end up getting chewed up by the system, and coming out worse then they came in? Telling the parents would probably be more impactful - especially given that he really wanted to prevent that from happening.
- lomnakkus 10y ago
  This is somewhat reminiscent of the "Scared Straight" idea, but I think that's pretty much debunked (as you allude to): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scared_Straight!#Criticism https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scared_Straight!#Criticism
Symbiote 10y ago
It's possible he has access to his mother's account, and has deleted it. I don't think it would be unusual for a 22 year old student to visit home and borrow mum's laptop.
- nck4222 10y ago
  It's possible but the scammer specifically asks the author to delete the message before his mother reads it, so it seems unlikely.
- geek_at 10y ago
  very possible. I checked the mothers account later and I couldn't find it (even though I had the link. He or his brother blocked me on her FB but I think it was his brother because this was before he begged me to delete my message to his mother

Udik 10y ago

Downvoted you. It's a big jump from "somebody, 22 yo, scammed somebody else online at least once" to "psychopath". To be frank, I think I wish the word "psychopath" was deleted from the dictionary altogether. It's just a handy label to apply to all sorts of baddies, effectively dehumanizing them (he's a psychopath- he would do anything to you, so you're justified in doing anything to him).

Artoemius 10y ago
Although calling someone a psychopath without access to their medical history is not literally correct, I don't agree with the spirit of your comment. After being caught, this scammer was actively trying to be seen as a human being. That is exactly the tactics he chose and this is exactly the tactics that helped him escape any punishment so far. I would advise against humanizing scammers too much.
- Udik 10y ago
  So you're saying that after being caught, he should have sent to the victim of his scam a picture of himself putting live cats in a blender? Just to avoid being seen like somebody that tries to look human, you know. In other words, in your view, if he doesn't look human then he's a psychopath; if he does, this proves again that he's a psychopath. Confirmation bias? Ah, by the way and just FYI, psychopaths and scammers are human beings.
  - Artoemius 10y ago
    Yes, it's entirely possible to be both human and a piece of shit at the same time. It's the scammer's job to convince everyone that he is more human than a piece of shit, and it's our job not to fall for that. The factual validity of whatever bad names we might call him is irrelevant. (No, I don't think that calling scammers bad names is a viable anti-scammer strategy. I just don't agree with the opposing effort, which should only be expected from the scammer.)
  - ryguytilidie 10y ago
    "So you're saying that after being caught, he should have sent to the victim of his scam a picture of himself putting live cats in a blender? Just to avoid being seen like somebody that tries to look human, you know." Why would you even bother making this post? I can't imagine there is even like .0000001% of your being that believes that this is remotely close to what the person you're responding to thinks, so what exactly is this meant to accomplish? "haha, look at me mocking a point you never came close to making..."?