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My twenty one year old daughter died two months ago. A young policeman came to my door. It was the first time he had to do the job mentioned in the article and
by alasdair_ 10y ago
My twenty one year old daughter died two months ago. A young policeman came to my door. It was the first time he had to do the job mentioned in the article and he did it very well.
I have very little memory of those first few hours. I now know what it is to be insane. I was so disconnected from reality that people have told me that I had long conversations with them that I have zero recollection of. The only thing I clearly remember was telling the officer that I had a gun upstairs and that if he didn't take it, I was going to murder the man responsible for her death within the hour. It was the most matter of fact confession of planning a murder imaginable.
After a couple of hours, I saw a Facebook post of hers and lost it, the insane calm left me and I bawled my eyes out.
It's her birthday tomorrow. I miss her so, so much.
Anyway, the point of this post: my daughter died of an overdose. She was at a party, a man gave her powdered pure fentanyl claiming it was cocaine. I have no idea why. She snorted some and overdosed soon after.
All I want to happen is that someone somewhere reads about what happened to my daughter and reminds their kids that without proper testing kits, they have no idea what the fuck they are taking. Drugs may not be bad, but some people certainly are.
- tomjen3 10y agoGood thing you didn't murder him, he might not have known that wasn't cocaine, and going to jail for that would not have been something your daughter wanted.
- tomjen3 10y agoSorry that didn't come out the way I wanted
- yberreby 10y agoWhy on earth were you downvoted? That seemed like a sensible comment to me.
- gengkev 10y agoThe threat to murder was more of an expression of the mother's grief than an actual threat — in such grief and shock, humans tend to want to find someone to blame. In her right mind I'm sure the mother would never truly consider murder.
- wavefunction 10y agoMy condolences to you. I can't imagine the pain of losing your child, I can only think of losing my younger brother and watching what my parents had to deal with. I'm very sorry for your loss.
- JshWright 10y agoI've come to hate fentanyl... In the past couple years it has become significantly more widespread, and in the completely insidious way you describe. People think they're buying heroin (or worse, cocaine, at least if they're a heroin user, they have some tolerance to opioids), and it's laced (or completely replaced) with fentanyl. I'm a paramedic in a nice suburban area. I've been doing this a little over a decade now. I managed to make it a good long while without having to deliver life changing news to a parent. In the past two years I've done it way too many times. I'm so sorry for your loss. I have witnessed your pain in others, and I know that it's beyond my comprehension...
- rdl 10y agoFrom a harm reduction perspective, what would the minimum testing kit to differentiate fentanyl from other physically similar-appearing drugs look like?
- JshWright 10y agoIt would look like this: http://www.sirchie.com/nark20033-fentanyl-reagent.html#.V8uEMp8pBnE http://www.sirchie.com/nark20033-fentanyl-reagent.html#.V8uE... The problem is, it's a destructive test, which makes it unattractive to both dealers and users, as it requires wasting at least some of the product.
- Symbiote 10y agoAn additional problem is it says only police are allowed to buy the kit. Seems strange, when tests for other drugs are available.
- dzmien 10y agoIt probably uses a marquis reagent, which could theoretically be made at home, as it is just a mixture of formaldehyde and sulfuric acid[0]. There are also websites[1] that have a key describing the colors that a number of substances produce on reaction with various reagents. [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marquis_reagent https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marquis_reagent [1] https://dancesafe.org/testing-kit-instructions/ https://dancesafe.org/testing-kit-instructions/
- dundercoder 10y agoI'm so, so sorry. I think this may have been written for you. https://soundcloud.com/boudwin/the-wall-2 https://soundcloud.com/boudwin/the-wall-2
- alasdair_ 10y agoThat was good music. Thank you.
- sabertoothed 10y agoI am deeply sorry. Reading this is heartbreaking already.
- pmarreck 10y agoI cannot fathom this experience, but even though you are a stranger I am truly sorry that you have had to go through this loss, i wish we could give legit hugs over the Internet or give some other more meaningful semblance of humanity/support than some bytes on a webpage. I admire the self control you had in telling the cop about your gun despite knowing what you wanted to do with it. If you are married, I have seen a pattern where the loss of a child severely impacts the marriage negatively. Try to resist that if possible.
- leothekim 10y agoI don't know who you are, but I am giving you the biggest hug in my head. I'm not sure about testing kits, but there is naloxone, which is becoming part of standard operating procedure in reversing overdoses and is even available OTC in some states. If something is learned from your daughter's death, I hope that the availability of naloxone becomes better known and even more widely adopted. My parents were devastated when my brother died. Coping with his death very nearly killed my mother, and almost certainly killed my father. As cliché as it sounds, there is life after death, and you have loved ones who will help you through this. Not believing that probably worsened my parents' state of mind. I wish you strength, peace, and light in the coming months.
- JshWright 10y agoThe problem with fentanyl is that it's so potent, it's very easy to _massively_ overdose on it. Beyond what the standard dose of narcan can reverse. It's not uncommon to need three or four times the normal dose, and I doubt most people buying it OTC (or through a harm reduction program) are getting that much.
- asimuvPR 10y agoI am sorry for your loss.
- Griever 10y agoMy youngest brother died of a Fentanyl overdose just nearly a year ago. We assume he thought it was heroin, but whatever was going around at that time managed to kill almost a hundred people in the same weekend. Truly a horrible, horrible drug. I know it doesn't count for much right now, but I promise that things do get better in time. If you ever need to chat, feel free to message me anytime.
- lexhaynes 10y agoOne hundred people! That's an epidemic.
- bbcbasic 10y agoOr mass murder?
- Symbiote 10y agoBy politicians? If heroine were legal 100 deaths would have been avoided that weekend.
- uola 10y agoI would say it's slightly more complex than that. http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/a46918/heroin-mexico-el-chapo-cartels-don-winslow/ http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/a46918/heroin-mexico-el...
- Symbiote 10y agoIt seems absolutely as straigtforward as I wrote. From that article: "American drug and law-enforcement officials, concerned about the dramatic surge in overdose deaths from pharmaceutical opioids (165,000 from 1999 to 2014), cracked down on both legal and illegal distribution, opening the door for Mexican heroin, which sold for five to ten bucks a dose" A trusted source of a heroine-like drug was removed, so the cartels increase production of heroine. But fentanyl is more profitable, and "The cartels mix fentanyl with heroin because once an addict has shot that mix, they won't go back to "just heroin," since they can't get high on it anymore." and we end up with a much more dangerous product.
- visakanv 10y agoI am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
- joering2 10y agoI was bashed many times on HN for using curse words; now I understand why. Could you please edit your post and remove the f-word?
- hyperbovine 10y agoYou have got to be kidding me.
- brady8 10y agoI am a physician, and there has been a "state of emergency" declared in my province due to a fentanyl overdose "epidemic". Although I use this drug routinely, it is incredibly unsafe outside of a clinical setting. Unfortunately, these are not your stereotypical "bad" people that are dying from overdoses, but your average young people who just happen to experiment. It's utterly awful, and I feel for you. I hope this trend (if you can call it that) ends soon.
- tamana 10y agoMaybe you should rethink what a stereotypical "bad" person is.
- wruza 10y agoIt is hard to support my parent comment, but it is true: addicts are not good young girls/boys anymore. And if someone 'experiments' with hard drugs like cocaine or heroine, he/she is statistically-definitely addict with all consequences. One doesn't simply stop after first dose, that's why non-medical drug use is illegal.
- ones_and_zeros 10y agoI've taken many drugs just once...
- V-2 10y agoSame in my case. I tried LSD, cocaine, MDMA and DXM, and each of these only once in my life. I saw no point in doing any of them again, and I had no problem whatsoever refraining myself from it.
- simplemath 10y ago>One doesn't simply stop after first dose This is demonstrably false, in most cases.
- chimeracoder 10y ago
- dvt 10y agoSorry for your loss, I'm not even sure what to say. You'll be in my prayers.
- wfunction 10y agoI wish I could give you the biggest hug I've given anyone right now. May your daughter rest in peace.
- seanp2k2 10y agoI'm so sorry.
- mark_edward 10y agomay your heart be healed
- nkhodyunya 10y agoI don'the understand why people miss drug abusers, even if it is their own children. I would love to hear my son'a dead if he's stupid that bad to get an overdose.
- deleted 10y ago[deleted]
- sctb 10y ago> Be civil. Don't say things you wouldn't say in a face-to-face conversation. Avoid gratuitous negativity. This comment severely breaks the above guideline. Please revisit the HN guidelines and do not continue to post like that here. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html
- wvh 10y agoI have a 2 year old. Already I feel she's slipping away and I can't protect her anymore. I'm sorry for your loss.
- Vaotix 10y agoDamn. I'm so sorry for your loss. Can't even imagine what you must be going through.
- justifier 10y agomy sincerest condolences thank you for sharing your humanity with everyone who reads and spreads this profound insight in the absence of undoing i only wish i could offer relief by sharing the burden of experience with you whatever solace there is to find, i want you to know your strength is affecting
- Esau 10y agoI am so sorry for your loss.
- cafard 10y agoHow terrible. My condolences.
- runjake 10y agoI'm sorry. I can't even imagine. I don't even want to imagine.