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Everything I Am Afraid Might Happen If I Ask New Acquaintances to Get Coffee
- cloudjacker 10y agoAccept the consequences
- inputcoffee 10y agoThe crossfit line reminds me of this joke: Crossfit is just like fightclub if the first two rules were the opposite.
- ZoF 10y agoWell that was a waste of time.
- maze-le 10y agoAt least it was an amusing waste of time.
- christogreeff 10y agoWell then, no coffee for you.
- dang 10y agoThe article was weak but we left the thread up because it was relatively good.
- Jaruzel 10y agoIn amongst the good heavyweight tech stuff, it's nice to have a fluff article once in a while, and the comments have made for great reading!
- balabaster 10y agoThis made me want to reflect on my own list and realized that it's morphed somewhat over the years from: - What if I invite them to coffee and I think they're super awesome and they think I'm an idiot To: - What if I invite them to coffee and that 15 minutes turns into 4 hours and I still want to hang out more because they're awesome (which they will be, because frankly I find everyone fascinating); except now I have this disquieting sense of guilt because none of the other projects I have scheduled to complete in this time are getting completed... or started, or thought about. - What if I don't invite them to coffee and they are or have some information to share that (combined with my own experience) is the key to my entire existence... or perhaps the future of humanity. Maybe I let my mind get away with me sometimes... Sometimes coffee is just a way to blow off 15 minutes with some amusing banter because sometimes it's better to step away from the computer than it is to keep bashing your head against it.
- benten10 10y agoYou seem wise...I'll ask for advice! How do I, as a 27 year-old Grad student invite women for coffee without them feeling it might be a 'trick-date', or having them not get comfortable? Really, I want it to be a date _less_ than you do, but how do I convince you that?
- komali2 10y agoI don't think he was necessarily implying it'd be date-like - I've had those "4 hour conversations resulting with the key to my existence" type conversations with the sex I'm not romantically interested in, from small coffee "dates." To quote Always Sunny, it's all about the implication. I start with a question unrelated to the coffee "Jane, how are things going at Salesforce? I've been considering a move lately, mind if I get you a coffee and pick your brain a bit?" You can initialize the convo at that point and then either fluidly move the conversation elsewhere if desired, or, you know, not. Anyway, that's how I do it: transparent objective.
- bostonpete 10y agoI don't think there are any characters in Always Sunny that you should ever take life tips from... :-)
- balabaster 10y agoLOL I didn't mean to imply that they only come from romantically driven situations. Of course we've all had them at some point or another whether it be with someone we are attracted to or not. But the point is, right at the beginning there's nothing been invested yet. The risk isn't anywhere near as great as we hype it up to be in our own mind. We didn't know this person an hour, a day or a week ago, they had no bearing on our life prior to that, yet we drum it up to be this huge event in our mind that realistically, even if we get shot out of the sky in a flaming wreck, is it really that big a deal... after all, they had zero consequence in our life such a tiny piece of our life ago, what's the difference if they go back to being such a tiny piece of our life 10 minutes from now?... The converse is also true though, there's a much greater risk for not taking the leap given a). the amount invested (lack of it) so far and b). the real risk of them saying no (I mean if they say no, then what?). What if this person is the key that unlocks the meaning of life for me and I don't take this leap? Admittedly they're probably not but weighing these risks against each other, it would appear more foolish not to ask than to ask. If you don't ask, or you ask and they say no, you're exactly at the same position you are now (except your ego is a little bruised, but that'll recover). If you don't ask, you'll spare your ego potential embarrassment but you'll always be stuck where you are.
- yusee 10y agoDon't solve for people's feelings. If you have good intentions and are useful to others, they will be attracted to you. Sometimes you will offend or annoy people. These negative experiences are growth opportunities. Apologize. Learn a social lesson. Next time you won't make the same mistake.
- kazinator 10y agoWell, at least get the variable(s) representing the person's feelings on the left, equated with the appropriate expression on the right. But you don't have to actually evaluate it; just leave it in algebraic form.
- chc 10y agoDoes this actually mean anything? It reads like a pataphor.
- grkvlt 10y agoLeaving in algebraic form means you aren't finding a solution, but can see that, e.g. with '3x = 2y/12z' increasing z will decrease x, but increasing y will increase x. So you know the trends for the variables, and which ones can be usefully manipulated. Reasonable advice, if a little glib.
- balabaster 10y agoTo coin a strategy from Tony Robbins, sometimes it takes offending or annoying people to snap them out of the mode they're in and make them pay attention. So while I appreciate what you're saying, these are not always negative experiences or mistakes that want to be apologized for. Sometimes this act of disruption is used with good intent, for a good purpose and with good results. Of course, most of the time we offend or annoy people it's not with this in mind and we do it thoughtlessly or carelessly, so with that in mind, I agree with your sentiment.
- waqf 10y agoFine, then I could write the same article about the traps inherent in trying to be useful to others.
- kresimirus 10y ago17. They will sue me for (sexual) harassment at work
- kazinator 10y agoThat, plus a host of possible related problems, is actually a real concern; there are enough women in the world that you can invite for coffee that you don't have to pick them from among coworkers. Indeed, don't do that.
- deleted 10y ago[deleted]
- coldtea 10y agoBecause love should be compartmentalized, and falling in love (or even love at first sight) with a coworker should be shunned, right? This kind of thinking would have killed millions of succesful marriages and/or long term relationships. Not to mention tons of steamy short term relationships. Besides, after a certain age, that there are "enough women in the world" doesn't say much. After university, the place people most tend to socialize and meet other people is work -- in fact there was an article about this very fact this week on HN.
- kazinator 10y agoEvery decision you've ever made has "killed" countless unknown alternative futures involving people that, as a result, you don't even know exist.
- coldtea 10y agoWhich is beside the point, since it doesn't mean all "alternative future killing decisions" are equal. Besides, people are actually (in this universe and at the present) in love, getting married etc with other people in their workplace, and you are telling those people not to do it, thus constraining with arbitrary dictums their present experience, not some future universe one. And if my argument about "most people after thirties socialize more at their work than any other place" is true, this advice also severely limits their options. And for what?
- deleted 10y ago[deleted]
- coldshower 10y agoCreating fictional outcomes is pretty common (it is for me), but this game has definitely helped overcome that: https://is.gd/GAbuN6 https://is.gd/GAbuN6
- magic_beans 10y agoWhoa, this is amazing. Thanks for sharing!
- jtrtoo 10y agoIndeed! Saved to check out more closely later.
- howeyc 10y agoAh, the twenties. How's the saying go? "In your twenties you worry what people think of you, in your thirties you stop caring, in your forties you realize no one spends any time thinking about you anyway."
- dominotw 10y agocan't wait for forties. I always thought 'good stuff' stops coming in mid thirties when you finally feel aging take effect, but looks good stuff keeps coming :)>
- wiremine 10y agoI'm almost there and it's all totally true.
- balabaster 10y agoIt takes a while before the realization that the world doesn't really give much of a shit about you kicks in and you're like "Oh, really?" then you go through a mildly deflated feeling of disconnection from society because nobody cares and then one day it hits you like Mac truck "Oh! Nobody cares! I can do whatever the fuck I want because, nobody cares!" and it liberates you. If only we'd all realized that in our 20's.
- louprado 10y agoIf you can say this in your mid-30's and your parents are well, then chances are your 40's will be similar. At 45 and I can honestly say I have never been healthier mentally or physically. It's great! Other than presbyopia, which is easily corrected, and gray hairs, which takes <10 minutes a month for my barber to extract, I too have yet to notice any effects of aging. Given that my 77 year old dad says the same, I may have hit the genetic lottery. I suspect he will just unexpectedly die one day while mowing the lawn, never having known what it is like to feel old.
- michael_h 10y ago
- EGreg 10y agoHow about the other consequence: getting addicted to coffee? I am already hooked on some degree of sugar and cellphone use.
- protomyth 10y agoJust ask about the damn coffee and quit stressing thinking your decision will set in motion events that will change society. Save the stress for the relatives and in-laws, those will kill you.
- benten10 10y agoFor the second part, I'd add: people from your country. If there's a gathering of less than 20 people from my country, I love everyone. 20-50 and I start hyperventilating. More than 50, and I make and execute elaborate plans to get out at any costs.
- kazinator 10y agoTravellers often don't like gatherings of people from their own country. I overheard this on a train, in Japanese from a conversation between two girls ... "minna nihonjin da kara, ikitakunai". (Everyone will be Japanese there, so I don't want to go.)
- creshal 10y agoI go on vacation to get away from all these boneheaded idiots, not to meet even more of them!
- jflowers45 10y agocould use a (2015) in the title
- mcguire 10y agoAbsolutely! The reference to "snakes" was so dated.
- paul_milovanov 10y agoSnakes?!! Velociraptors!!!!
- nxzero 10y agoOnce got a coffee a day with someone new for six months; it was fun, but then again, really didn't have any expectations.
- magic_beans 10y agoWhoa... how did you find so many people to get coffee with?
- 893helios 10y agoHaving any of these things happen to you would be great, even the bad stuff. Action is better than nothing.
- godshatter 10y agoMy insecurities all run in the opposite direction. What if someone invites me to coffee? Do I tell them I really don't like coffee? Do I tell them that I really don't want to spend $4+ for a sugar-laden caramel frappe machia-whatever and that I'd rather just get a diet coke from the vending machine? Should I be "that guy" and get a hot chocolate that turns out to be a squirt of chocolate sauce in milk, and feel let down? Should i get a donut and nothing to drink? Once we're sitting down and talking, I'm fine. I just don't know how to deal with my little "non-conforming weirdnesses" with others.
- michaelbuddy 10y agoyou order some kind of tea you've never had before and get on with your life.
- maxerickson 10y agoWhat if you've compressed a life's worth of tea drinking into just a few short years and they don't have anything new?
- emodendroket 10y agoHopefully you liked one of the ones you tried before.
- serf 10y agothink of it as a hot opportunity to stare at a new ceiling with someone else.
- hinkley 10y agoUntil you are on a first name basis with someone who owns a tea shop, you have not tried all the teas. And if you have, try another tea shop.
- balabaster 10y agoOr don't even justify it, just get there and pick whatever you feel like or don't. When they're like "er, why didn't you get coffee?" say "Meh, I wasn't into it, I just came because I was enjoying the conversation and quite like hanging out with you" Being real always trumps being fake - even if that real looks like what you call "weird". Weird is the new normal... mostly because there is no normal. Everyone's weird; if they're not, you just don't know them well enough yet. I'd rather hang with 2 weird real people than 10 "normal" fake people - I don't even care if they don't like $4 coffees... because I don't even drink coffee.
- 4ndrewl 10y agoMust be a US English <-> British English thing, but I thought this was about asking a new acquaintance to buy some coffee for me. "Everything I am afraid might happen if I asked a new acquaintance to meet for coffee."
- et-al 10y agoIt's definitely a colloquial US thing. We say "let's get coffee/beers/lunch sometime" almost everyday, especially when parting as a "see you later". Whether we actually follow up with those invitations here in San Francisco is a completely other story.
- __derek__ 10y agoSame in Seattle, except it's "Let's go for a hike/climb/ride some time!"
- aninhumer 10y agoYeah, but that's "let us get coffee" which is normal. The unusual language being highlighted here is "ask to get coffee" without specifying "together" or "with them". Without that, I parse "get coffee" as an instruction, thus meaning asking them to go and buy some coffee for you.
- et-al 10y agoI agree with you that it's awkward; however, "get coffee" is now a colloquial term, which is why most people probably didn't read it the grammatically correct way. But yes, depending on how one reads, the title takes on a totally different meaning. I usually have this trouble.
- cloudjacker 10y agoto get coffee [together] there.
- hammock 10y ago
- jt2190 10y agoEveryone knows that "Daily Shouts" is The New Yorker's humor column, right?
- Aqueous 10y agoActually, "Shouts and Murmurs" is the The New Yorker magazine's humor column. The "Daily Shouts" is the daily Internet-only version of 'Shouts and Murmurs.' And thus ends another smug, elitist, pedantic, humorless and certainly unnecessary HN correction. You're welcome.
- manarth 10y ago"The coffee will be bitter/weak/mediocre/disappointing." Closely followed by: "I'll be branded a coffee snob for criticising the coffee." Who am I trying to kid, I clearly am a coffee snob.
- sotojuan 10y agoI guess it depends where you live... here in NYC obviously there are plenty of places that make coffee better than me. In many areas people only have Starbucks though (which I can handle without acting like a snob, fortunately).
- sliverstorm 10y agoForget the coffee, it's just an excuse. The best outcome might even be for your coffee to wind up cold and untouched- maybe you just had a riveting conversation.
- amyjess 10y ago> They’ll think I invited them to coffee because I have a crush on them. This is so true. I'm an aromantic lesbian, so even though I'm attracted to women, I have no desire to date anyone. But I'm worried people won't know that I'm aromantic and will think I'm hitting on them when I just want to hang out and maybe become friends. A few years ago, I pretty much botched any chance I had to be friends with one of my female coworkers, who was a really cool person I'd have liked to hang out with more. Unfortunately, I was afraid to talk to her, ask her to hang out after work, etc., because I was terrified she'd think I have a crush on her and was hitting on her. It doesn't help that I'm transgender and I knew her before my transition, so I was always afraid she'd think of me as just being another guy trying to get into her pants. Oh, and it didn't help that I was jealous of her, because she looks pretty much exactly how I want to look but will never be able to (dysphoria is a powerful thing). As such, I was terribly awkward around her, and every time I wanted to hang out with her or anything, I either decided against it or was so nervous and awkward that anyone around me could tell. I'm a little better at it now, thankfully. And, yes, I'm the kind of awkward person who over-analyzes every conversation I've ever had with anyone.
- sliverstorm 10y agoUnfortunately, I was afraid to talk to her, ask her to hang out after work, etc., because I was terrified she'd think I have a crush on her and was hitting on her. The funny thing is sometimes, for me, this has turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy, and suddenly I'm into them. It's modulated by how furiously I worry about it.
- huangc10 10y agoAnother cliche quote to add to all this: "Your own worst enemy is...yourself".
- intrasight 10y agoGet married, have kids, have them move off. Now you're just not going to have any of these hangups or concerns. I'm fine asking anyone to coffee.
- jimmywanger 10y agoI don't understand why this article is so long. It can be boiled down to "I am afraid of rejection, and I don't want to put myself out there." Rejections suck. We've all been there, and nobody else out there is responsible for your mental well being. Why are you afraid of a simple "no" or a response out of an obligation? Maybe the person you're asking out to coffee is a Mormon or has high blood pressure and can't drink caffeine, or he/she doesn't like the taste. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. I know that I personally regret everytime I wanted to ask somebody out or even ask for a raise at work, but didn't, cause "that would be weird".
- amyjess 10y agoBecause social anxiety isn't rational. It is, unfortunately, something that a good many people (myself included) suffer from.
- jimmywanger 10y agoUse of pronouns is very important. She uses the pronoun "they" a lot, as though everything that happens to her is inflicted on her. Instead if she said "I suffer from social anxiety, and I'm working on it" it'd be a much better article. It's all about the interior vs exterior locus of control.
- aninhumer 10y ago>as though everything that happens to her is inflicted on her. Yes, because the things you fear as a result of social anxiety are inflicted on you. They are not things you can control, that's what makes them scary.
- jimmywanger 10y agoThank you for making my point for me. Things do happen to you, things you can't control. You can however control your reaction. You are choosing to be scared, or not enter therapy, or talk to somebody about that. Maybe you don't have enough money to talk to a therapist, or you have other things on your plate, or your social anxiety isn't a huge problem, something you can deal with. The onus is still on YOU to deal with your anxiety, not on the world to treat you with kid gloves. Internal rather than external locus of control.
- squeaky-clean 10y agoI know this is article is humor, but it's also pretty spot-on for me (maybe a lot of us here). Most of my friends don't seem to understand the extents to which I overthink everything. "Just ask. The worst that can happen is they say 'No', and by not asking, you're already giving yourself a no." I get this advice a lot and particularly hate it. Getting a "No" is not the worst that can happen. A meteor hitting the earth is the worst that can happen (or maybe snakes, or crossfit). Worst that's actually happened to me? You go up to say something to someone, stutter a few times, throw up in your mouth a little, and then run away.
- Chinjut 10y agoA meteor isn't going to hit the Earth because you asked someone something. The worst that can happen because you decide to ask someone something? You go up to say something to them, stutter a few times, throw up in your mouth a little, and then they say "No". (You're free to think that's worse than not asking in the first place, of course, and therefore not bother, but then you give up on the possibility of "Yes". I'm terrible at adhering to this advice, but I know I want some "Yes"es in my life and there's only one way to get them.)
- jodrellblank 10y agoThe worst that can happen because you decide to ask someone something? You go up to say something to them, stutter a few times, throw up in your mouth a little, and then they say "No". They laugh at you, and all the people around turn around and it turns out they were listening and are friends, and also laugh at you. You turn and look into the cafe window, the barista is staring at you and shakes their head patronisingly. You feel a sudden panic attack coming on - maybe you've never had one before - it feels like your chest is in a vice, you can't breathe, you piss yourself and collapse on the floor. Someone calls 911. An ambulance turns up, by which point you feel OK again. You have to explain to the paramedics that you had a panic attack because you asked someone to get coffee. Their faces. Someone took their phone out and had been recording the events. Cloudy face recognition picks up who you are and tags your name onto the clip. You are making your way home when the police call you; somewhere along the way the events have gone down in the paperwork as a fraudulent 911 call. Nobody can tell you how. Your insurance company hears about it and your insurance is provided by your employer. You are laid off from work.
- ry_ry 10y agoHit 30, realised I had probably done as much in my chosen field as I was likely to. Got sad, considered changing careers and slowly started getting more frantic about seizing my Big Chance. In the process I discovered I'm unspeakably awkward and horrible at networking. Developed a dislike for great networkers being Machiavellian shits. Didn't get my Big Chance. Turned 35, had long since stopped counting birthdays, and then one day realised that imperceptibly something had changed. I wasn't sad anymore. At least not noticably sadder than anybody else if I took the time to look. I'd come to terms with my crippling imposter syndrome, and was free of the quixotic trappings of my equally crippling Dunning Kruger. Read Jon Robson's psychopath test and decided I probably wasn't a sociopath either - I was just a bloke in his mid 30s. Realised I should stop self diagnosing psychological conditions via the internet. I have a great family, a good job, I wake up every morning and genuinely look forwards to spending my day doing what I do. I still harbour secret dreams of world domination, but they exist withing a framework of reassuringly tedious goals, like making sure I have enough clean pants and socks for the week. Learned to work the washing machine. Still don't like inviting people to go for a coffee.
- swalsh 10y ago> " Developed a dislike for great networkers being Machiavellian shits." I'm a bad networker, as a software engineer you rarely have the incentive to improve. I've never had to look for a job... I just say yes when a good email comes in. Recently though I realized that I can only go so far the way I've been going. I've become noncontent with waiting for the right email to come in. So I started working on changing myself. I think the first part of networking is to start before you need the benefits from it. The second is to be more concerned with what you can give rather than what you can get (it's just like Christmas!) and finally... and this sounds really basic. You actually have to go out and do things, and you actually have to talk to people (very hard to do if you're an introvert like myself).
- therealjohn 10y ago1. Learn to appreciate yourself, because self confidence (when not coming out as arrogant) is attractive 2. Make sure you have a list of hobbies/interests you can relate through 3. Most importantly, be actually curious about the person (a smile helps). Everyone has amazing things to talk about, just get the person you're with to get there and do not keep the conversation focused on yourself 4. Before you ask for coffee, make sure you've had a nice enough and mutually engaging conversation. It naturally yields a better approval rate. 5. Whatever happens next is just fun and it is whatever is meant to happen. (It follows that this New Yorker article is funny in the way it's not relevant to improve one's coffee invitations success) so just loosen up and enjoy. Meeting new people is great fuel for a balanced life. It won't always be perfect, but it will often be fun. Note I'm a developer too, but I personally find a good balance between nice people and coding necessary to feel content and happy.
- notadoc 10y agoAmusing article. Isn't this anxiety? Couldn't this apply to any situation that is anxiety inducing? I suspect it's all originating from the same irrational feelings.
- StillBored 10y agoNah, the worse part is sitting at home, alone, kicking yourself for not asking her out.
- MentatOnMelange 10y agoLong time lurker on this site and think I finally have something worth conributing. As someone who has struggled with social anxiety, a big ommission from that list is "their reaction will provide emprical proof that insert negative self perception isn't just in my head*. At which point the hypothetical doomsday scenario extends beyond just the immediate scenario. For whatever reason age does help though. Part of me wonders if modern marketing plays a minor role. The younger you are, the more advertising pushes the need to 'fit in' or impress peers as the primary appeal of a product.
- dang 10y agoWelcome to commenting! I'm sure you have much worth contributing.
- IncRnd 10y agoClearly the author is too nervous, likely from drinking too much coffee.
- Jonoco 10y agoI asked a girl to coffee once and she ran off. She literally sprinted away. I had to append my list of worst outcomes.
- sangnoir 10y agoLook at it his way: it can't get any worse[1], so you've nothing to lose the next time opportunity presents itself. 1. Probably
- Feuilles_Mortes 10y agoWell the same thing could happen again. I'm imagining that it wasn't particularly pleasant the first time, and just because it (probably) can't get worse, doesn't mean the same outcome won't hurt less. So it seems that one thing he has to lose is some amount of happiness (at least in the short term). That being said, go get 'em, it probably won't happen again :)
- mcguire 10y agoPepper spray and then run off.
- skyrw 10y agoRule 1: Be attractive; Rule 2: Don't be unattractive.
- emodendroket 10y agoNot really an objective standard.
- skyrw 10y agoThat depends on your target market demographic and size, certainly enough to be statistically relevant.
- dvtv75 10y agoI asked a girl out, once, and she said yes, then I never heard from her or saw her again. I can't read people worth a damn, so that basically taught me to stop trying.
- sebringj 10y agoThis is really for my fellow single male programmers. I think programmers tend to identify with being socially awkward as we spend our time focusing on analytical problems usually by ourselves or with similar individuals which emphasizes our brain's wiring to be that way even more so over time, then the less traveled wiring weakens over time (social wiring, your developer buddies don't count). The crux is we are all social creatures and need to feel accepted by the opposite sex. If we fall short, we will spin ad infinitum worrying about it. Its a deep rooted need within us and cannot be rationalized away, similar to rationalizing you are full when you haven't eaten for a long time. You must take action. Blame Darwin if you must but do something about it. Because a lot of programmers like me are social pansies when it comes to taking risks, you can try this approach first. Do real weights and wind sprints and eat right to promote testosterone as looking like a dude attracts women. Running long distances way too often will make you a look like a unic twig, lower your testosterone levels, and rob you of muscle. I can't stress enough how the right eating habits and exercise will change everything, most likely within 90 days you'll see a huge difference like night and day, looking lean and mean. Your personality will also have changed, being more confident and bold with the added bonus of girls looking your way. You will become more attractive to females in other words, prepping you for the next step. Now you are ready to take the issue head on and expose yourself to as many social situations as possible, forcing your social wiring to strengthen, but with the caveat of not giving a shit of individual outcomes, thinking of it more like the sheer act of doing this long enough will cause things to move in the right direction. To truly not give a shit is freeing and what's odd about that is people (especially women) seem to like you much more when you are worry free and have a natural comfort about yourself. Women truly are like buses where the next one will come along simply because there are so many fucking people in the world. Break some eggs and get out there.
- LesZedCB 10y agowhy just the opposite sex? actually, i believe all the gendered parts of your point could simply be removed.
- sebringj 10y agoTestosterone, namely. I talk about what I know. That type of thinking dismisses everyone as generic. We are all varied creatures with our own distinct traits however specific gender and sexual preferences have a common pattern. For me to talk outside of preferences that I do not understand is doing injustice to those that hold them. Wow, actual advice that works gets down voted. This is a bit of irony but also tragic. The group that needs this type of advice the most, will not take it.
- myflash13 10y ago17. Being stuck with the nagging question afterwards: Was that a date?
- ryandrake 10y agoWow, the article reads like a Seinfeld episode, full of neurotic self-absorption. Almost every sentence includes either "me" or "I". If you over-dramatize going to get coffee with someone, making it all about you and your feelings, I'd hate to see how you handle signing a mortgage or picking a career to commit to.
- LesZedCB 10y agoto be fair, in this scenario, Me or I has a 50% stake in how things go down.
- blackflame7000 10y agoThe main source of this anxiety comes from the flaw in the phrasing, "There are plenty of fish in the sea." That simply is not true. People are so unique and diverse that while there are other members of the opposite sex out there, to find someone truly compatible is rare, hence why divorce rates are so high. For me, the anxiety comes when I have found someone who I know is extremely compatible but am afraid I won't attract them. Not every member of the opposite sex makes me feel the same way certain ones do. Saying there are plenty of fish in the sea is like saying there are plenty of baseballs to hit in batting practice. While true, it elides the fact that it's only real at bats that matter. Once you strike out, you're stuck waiting for your next at bat which may never come.
- AnimalMuppet 10y agoYou forgot about meeting a lion in the street (Proverbs 26:13).
- avindroth 10y agoOur biological OS is built to worry about every one of these things. Our bodies are still Windows 98.
- deleted 10y ago[deleted]
- navyad 10y agoAwesome read.
- Artoemius 10y agoFor people with social anxiety, this is true to the point of being not funny. This is almost exactly the kind of stuff I always worry about, although I'm usually a bit more negative about it. (If I slip up and they accidentally see through me, see what a socially inept and boring person I am, they'll hate me forever and also they'll tell everyone in the world about their boring experiences with me, and no one will ever like me anymore.)
- Jaruzel 10y agoI share your pain with this. The insecurity that comes with social anxiety can be crippling.