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Japanese 'rent men' who are paid just to listen
- drpgq 10y agoIs Japan especially lonely compared to other advanced nations?
- intopieces 10y agoThe Japanese place very high value on social cohesion. Deviation from the norm - especially emotional - is not accepted or acknowledged. I can't say whether the Japanese are especially lonely. I can say that those who are have little means to express that among themselves. If the topic interests you, check out the Hikkikomori phenomenon, such a the book: "Shutting out the Sun: How Japan created its own lost generation." See also the difficulty that Japanese mental health professionals have in the country. Such places are as discreet as abortion clinics are in the American south.
- lovemenot 10y agoThat's A bit of an exaggeration. My wife is a mental health professional in Japan. She tells me that about half the people in the general population she speaks to find the topic challenging. Others are fine. Her hospital is not at all hidden away.
- intopieces 10y agoHere's a study from 2013 on the topic. "Review of mental-health-related stigma in Japan" http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/pcn.12086/abstract http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/pcn.12086/abstrac.... Japan has a long way to go toward accepting mental illness as anything but a character flaw.
- sliverstorm 10y agoThere doesn't seem much reason to think it's more lonely on the whole, but I could believe that the lonely in Japan are more isolated than other places.
- welanes 10y agoHaven't spent more than a month there however I always got the sense that it's 'harder' to be Japanese (same goes for Korean) than it is to be a Westerner. Complex social hierarchies, deference to the boss, deference to family and elders, suppressing individualism and the overbearing pressure to conform. Especially though, having to stop at every single pedestrian crossing even though the road is one metre wide and there's not a car or a cop for kilometres. More than a few months of that and - bam - seppuku for me.
- yannyu 10y agoI was nearly tackled for jaywalking across an empty traffic light intersection at 3am in Shinjuku. It ended up being a 3 hour ordeal that involved 15 cops and a quick police car ride to my train locker. Worth noting were the 10 obvious foreigners (my friends) that jaywalked ahead of me, which made me think I was singled out because I looked Japanese.
- swang 10y agoI've seen a couple of Japanese jaywalk during my trip. But I guess not at 3am though.
- jessaustin 10y agoI've had similar impressions. One gets the feeling that it's glorious to be a rich old dude in Japan, but that does leave lots of other people with the short end...
- dilemma 10y agoSounds like a lot of other countries.
- jessaustin 10y agoI'm sure that's true, but I'm not saying that e.g. in comparison to my home country, but rather to other foreign countries where I've lived and worked. Japan just seems more like that.
- greggman 10y agoIn response to some of the other comments I've been here for 9 years. I see zero problems with people expressing themselves. There are so many events and so many communities for doing anything you want to do. This idea that Weetrrns have that Japanese can't express themselves because of social norms seems like complete bs to me but maybe I'm just not seeing it
- geomark 10y agoI read an interesting article (sorry, don't have the linK) some time ago about a man who cleans houses after someone dies in them. The story was quite sad. He talked about the high percentage of jobs that are old people who died alone out of neglect. He said at first he could barely handle the sadness of it. But eventually he came to feel that he was doing a service to the old people by properly taking care of them and their things after their passing. The unseen part of Japan seems very sad and lonely.
- kiba 10y agoSlightly related: I once watched a documentary about a man managing an acting agency where people hired someone to act as a daughter, parent, etc. When he finally disclosed his business to his wife, she's like, "who care?" All that dramatic tension just melted away. Hiring people to simply talk to seems like yet another manifestation of whatever is happening in Japanese society.
- mc32 10y agoIn some places people hire "mourners" others hire other people to add "volume" to their events. But these aren't as much psychological fillers as much as devices to save face.
- reitanqild 10y agoMourners have been known for thousands of years already I think.
- gist 10y agoReminds me of "claque" people hired as professional applauders: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Claque https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Claque
- trentmb 10y ago> I once watched a documentary about a man managing an acting agency where people hired someone to act as a daughter, parent, etc. Made me think of https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synecdoche,_New_York https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synecdoche,_New_York
- huskyr 10y agoYes, wonderful movie. Very weird the first time you watch it, but when time passes by, and you re-watch it, everything just clicks into place.
- FeteCommuniste 10y agoNot a documentary, but an interesting film along similar lines: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1859446/ http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1859446/
- AstroJetson 10y agoPretty interesting article. Maybe when I get sick of "Will do tech for food", I can pivot into that. But it also happens here to. There is a kid that mows my neighbor's (who is 85) yard and he's there for three hours. 45 mins to mow and the rest of the time talking. He gets about $35 for it, makes both of them happy.
- gist 10y agoI know someone who is an Apple Tech certified consultant (don't know the exact wording but he's listed at Apple or something like that). Anyway he was telling me about some rich clients, people that pay him to come and do things as simple updating the software (you know a menu option) and it sounded to me like a version of keeping someone who is lonely and giving them a chance to talk to someone more than anything. (Not discounting some (especially older) people's fear of tech which is real, but the time he would take wasn't exactly 'get in and get out as quickly as possible'). Plus he is a super friendly nice guy (who really talks to much) so I kind of got the impression that was actually a benefit to his clients.
- Spooky23 10y agoI had a few gigs like this in college. It's more than lonliness -- people like being connected to people outside of their circle, especially young people. One couple I did computer and odd electrical jobs for were a semi-retired power couple (neurosurgeon, big cheese at med school + big attorney) who were not at a loss for company. I got the sense that they liked talking to young folks without the baggage that comes with interacting with their own kids. Also, many rich people enjoy paying people to do things for a variety of reasons.
- gist 10y agoWhen I was younger I had an older guy (who was sort of an admired quasi mentor type) that would always want to take me out to dinner. He usually had an agenda and something that he wanted to know. But at some point he said that "he really liked out interactions" and I got the idea he just liked hanging out with younger people. I didn't need the free meal (he always paid however I owned a business and made money at the time) but it felt good that someone who was older and successful took an interest in hearing what I had to say. > I got the sense that they liked talking to young folks without the baggage that comes with interacting with their own kids For sure. Your kids don't always realize that you are acting in their own interest (but of course there is also an agenda as well typically) whereas a non-kid-of-yours thinks you are acting in their interest.
- Sachalinus 10y agoInteresting
- failrate 10y agoThis is an elegant premise for a drama. Something that Jarmusch could make great hay with.
- tyre 10y agoWe have this in America as well. Have a friend who was a stripper in SF, she had customers that would pay her just to sit and talk with them. I interviewed an escort once and she had similar stories. Additionally, this is a huge part of hospice care. Incredible article recently[0] in the New Yorker about this. [0]: http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2016/07/11/the-work-of-a-hospice-nurse http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2016/07/11/the-work-of-a-h...
- dominotw 10y agoWe'll have a huge number of childless old people in a couple of decades. I am hoping for huge number of young immigrants who will be recruited to provide emotional companionship.
- vtail 10y agoOr, you know, the childless old people can talk to each other and provide emotional companionship in an "old" way, from the previous age before all these modern economic inventions.
- dominotw 10y agopeople need something to relate to be a companion, something to bond on. With the world getting richer and more knowledgeable, more free economically and socially; people don't have anything that ties them together. There are no wars, social struggles, economic struggles that tie people together. Culture no longer curtails people from straying far out from the line. This is bound to happen, friendships are on their way out for a reason. So yea, old people cannot be forced to hang out with each other just because they are old.
- steve19 10y agoTo me your comment is bizarre. Friendships on their way out? Old people need to be forced to be friends with each other? I can only think you are either trolling or have had a significantly different life to myself. Plenty of things allow people (without children) to relate: sports, travel, religion, food, literature, movies, the weather, politics, technological events (man on moon), cultural events (election of the first Black president of America), pets etc. etc. Old people don't need to be forced. 100s of millions of old people who enjoy each other company every single day.
- rhizome 10y agoThey're like a male, extremely casual and simplified, version of Geisha (perhaps so much so to render the comparison meaningless, I'll admit). I wonder if Japan has much use for life-coaches, which also sound a bit related to this (less coaching?), but within Japanese culture and traditions this may be the way those needs are met.
- JetSpiegel 10y agoIsn't this just a non-professional psychologist?
- azernik 10y agoPretty much. Note the line at the beginning: "clients who would never dream of spilling their guts to a therapist or worse, their families." This is in some ways an end-run around the stigma attached to psychological treatment in Japan (and most other countries).
- 0x006A 10y agoThe Uber of Psychology
- seesomesense 10y agoIn the Western world we call them psychoanalysts.
- Andrestos 10y agoThey're like a male, extremely casual and simplified, version of Geisha (perhaps so much so to render the comparison meaningless, I'll admit). I wonder if Japan has much use for life-coaches, which also sound a bit related to this (less coaching?), but within Japanese culture and traditions this may be the way those needs are met
- mrmondo 10y agoIsn't this potentially just a form of talk therapy? Yes the person listen has no medical training and that /could/ be dangerous, but neither do you friends and if you have they you talk to them, perhaps some people just don't have friends or perhaps need an 'air gap' and need someone with some distance from their lives to hear them out so they can't talk things through out loud? Personally - I think it sounds interesting and potentially therapeutic.
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