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“What if it’s your first time – your first sexual experience? What are you going to think of the opposite sex then? What would they think a woman or a m

“What if it’s your first time – your first sexual experience? What are you going to think of the opposite sex then? What would they think a woman or a man actually is?” I've never really understood this mindset. To pick a random example, lets say that someone's first experience of playing football is from a video game. They may end up with a "warped perspective" of what the game is like to play in reality. But is that a damaging and harmful thing? I don't think so. And I don't see why sex should be treated much differently than any other activity.

EliRivers 10y ago
I understand that there is a consensus that the easy availability of large amounts of pornography (and the subsequent large numbers of people who use pornography a great deal more than in previous generations) has altered how (a number of) young people think of the sexual act, the relationships that go with them, and the people involved (both the other people and themselves). Altered in a way that is damaging. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/tech-support/201407/what-porn-does-intimacy https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/tech-support/201407/wha... http://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/porn-debate http://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/porn-debate http://www.huffingtonpost.com/stephen-arterburn/sexually-incompetent-men-_b_4086075.html http://www.huffingtonpost.com/stephen-arterburn/sexually-inc... and so on.
- amelius 10y ago
  There's a whole website (with science-backed material) devoted to curing men who experience mental and physical problems after watching too much porn: http://yourbrainonporn.com/ http://yourbrainonporn.com/
  - EliRivers 10y ago
    Jesus, we are clearly way off message on this.
zasz 10y ago
It's a damaging and harmful thing when it creates unrealistic expectations that actually affect other people. What happens when a young man gets upset at a young woman for not being as compliant with his sexual desires, or as physically flawless, as a sexbot? It already happens with porn, after all.
- Mz 10y ago
  What happens when... Potential built-in population limiter? Also, once perfect sex bots become The Norm, there will be people who fetishize actual sweat, imperfections, etc. Real Sex will become some new way to Get Your Freak On. Human sexuality is surprisingly malleable and adaptable. Otherwise we wouldn't have the problem you are currently decrying. It is potentially harmful to the possibility of having a real and satisfactory relationship to another living, breathing human being. But I think that actual relationships are so often seriously problematic that the practice of defaulting to them is largely dependent upon there being no other viable options. Historically, women being financially dependent upon men is a big part of why women put up with men at all. As women move into the work force and can support themselves, this raises the bar on what they expect from a man in a relationship. Having sex bot options is better than having no options. Please note I say this as someone who really likes men, a lot more than many women seem to. But I have been alone for over 11 years in part because I am determined to never again be financially dependent upon a man. I view it as a deal with the devil. It made sense for purposes of raising kids, but it did terrible things to my life and to my relationship to my husband and I am unwilling to live that way again. The default societal expectations for what a woman should put up with are pretty unappealing. Society is changing on multiple fronts, not just this one. Those changes are going to go forward with or without sex bots. Many of those changes are going to undermine our historical expectations for what sex and relationships are all about. This is already occurring in ways that many people fail to recognize because so many people have so little understanding of what life was like for the common man prior to their own firsthand experiences. But these changes shall march on anyway. In fact, these changes may be part of what is driving interest in and demand for other options where you do not have to put up with someone else in order to get your sexual needs met.
- dogma1138 10y ago
ceejayoz 10y ago
Eventually graduating from virtual football to real football where other people are involved and can get hurt isn't a societal necessity (or even particularly likely).
jug 10y ago
I think we already have this "problem" anyway, and have seen it's solvable. There's this thing about porn or porn addiction that can desensitize people, or excessive masturbation leading to the "death grip" syndrome. So we have both psychological and physiological causes of not being able to maintain a good "IRL" sexual performance due to a history of excessive and, perhaps at least as important, different stimuli. BUT... The brain can usually easily be retrained if you abstain from those practices. It may take a month or even two, but following this, restore regular dopamine levels when aroused IRL, restore sensitivity, and so on. I see no reason sexbots will be any different. So I think sexbots will just be a new means that may cause old problems. But also as usual, the more you do things in moderation, the less of a problem they'll probably be. Sure, the old problem with addiction may rear its head again especially among people prone to getting addicted of sex, gambling, alcohol, etc, but I think this is as usual not the problem of a product, but of a personality. The best solution to that is not to withdraw products, but to learn about your addictive personality and take note when you're developing dangerous patterns or perhaps best of all just avoid risking it altogether by steering clear of risky products.
ndespres 10y ago
You understand that football is a sport, a game, with few long-term consequences outside of the game; sex is usually a deeply emotional experience with many short and long-term effects on body and mind very different from sports.
- cdubzzz 10y ago
  Eh. I'm not sure about the comparison, but sports certainly have many short and long-term effects on body and mind. My knee still hurts from high school football 10+ years ago and my experiences playing heavily influenced my personality today.
- laretluval 10y ago
  Seems that exactly one of the changes brought about by pornography is that young people decreasingly see sex that way.
  - Mz 10y ago
    Historically, antibiotics and birth control have a well proven impact of that sort. This was not just a phenomenon of the 1960s. Other historical times and places where you could prevent pregnancy and disease also saw the flourishing of "free love" philosophies. Actual serious consequences is a big part of what drives people to view sex as very serious business. Most people are happy to see it as just another form of play time if you can nix the threat of death, maiming and babies with a fairly high degree of confidence.
    - Retric 10y ago
      Sex has long been a far more casual activity than commonly portrayed. So, people often have huge misconceptions about people's behavior both past and present.
      - Mz 10y ago
        When I have spoken about sex with people older than myself, I have sometimes been told "Well, TV went off at 9pm and there just wasn't anything else interesting to do between 9pm and going to sleep" or words to that effect. (Hippies explained: "It was 9pm and we were bored.") Similarly, I knew someone who traveled a lot for work and casual hookups were just a thing to do when trapped in a hotel in the middle of nowhere.
waterhouse 10y ago
Yeah. For that matter, I think it's common wisdom that people's first times having sex are often (though not always) awkward and not particularly satisfying.
frozenport 10y ago
Great analogy! When you play football in a video-game you don't see the physical toll the game takes on your body. When your first experience with sex is virtual, your impossible expectations might put-off your partner. Also your penis is probably not that big.
coldtea 10y ago
Because one thing is a simple game, and the other is a fundamental social interaction. How you first learn about sex affects how you treat other human beings -- including as mere rape targets for example...

EliRivers 10y ago

I understand that there is a consensus that the easy availability of large amounts of pornography (and the subsequent large numbers of people who use pornography a great deal more than in previous generations) has altered how (a number of) young people think of the sexual act, the relationships that go with them, and the people involved (both the other people and themselves). Altered in a way that is damaging. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/tech-support/201407/what-porn-does-intimacy https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/tech-support/201407/wha... http://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/porn-debate http://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/porn-debate http://www.huffingtonpost.com/stephen-arterburn/sexually-incompetent-men-_b_4086075.html http://www.huffingtonpost.com/stephen-arterburn/sexually-inc... and so on.

amelius 10y ago
There's a whole website (with science-backed material) devoted to curing men who experience mental and physical problems after watching too much porn: http://yourbrainonporn.com/ http://yourbrainonporn.com/
- EliRivers 10y ago
  Jesus, we are clearly way off message on this.

zasz 10y ago

It's a damaging and harmful thing when it creates unrealistic expectations that actually affect other people. What happens when a young man gets upset at a young woman for not being as compliant with his sexual desires, or as physically flawless, as a sexbot? It already happens with porn, after all.

Mz 10y ago
What happens when... Potential built-in population limiter? Also, once perfect sex bots become The Norm, there will be people who fetishize actual sweat, imperfections, etc. Real Sex will become some new way to Get Your Freak On. Human sexuality is surprisingly malleable and adaptable. Otherwise we wouldn't have the problem you are currently decrying. It is potentially harmful to the possibility of having a real and satisfactory relationship to another living, breathing human being. But I think that actual relationships are so often seriously problematic that the practice of defaulting to them is largely dependent upon there being no other viable options. Historically, women being financially dependent upon men is a big part of why women put up with men at all. As women move into the work force and can support themselves, this raises the bar on what they expect from a man in a relationship. Having sex bot options is better than having no options. Please note I say this as someone who really likes men, a lot more than many women seem to. But I have been alone for over 11 years in part because I am determined to never again be financially dependent upon a man. I view it as a deal with the devil. It made sense for purposes of raising kids, but it did terrible things to my life and to my relationship to my husband and I am unwilling to live that way again. The default societal expectations for what a woman should put up with are pretty unappealing. Society is changing on multiple fronts, not just this one. Those changes are going to go forward with or without sex bots. Many of those changes are going to undermine our historical expectations for what sex and relationships are all about. This is already occurring in ways that many people fail to recognize because so many people have so little understanding of what life was like for the common man prior to their own firsthand experiences. But these changes shall march on anyway. In fact, these changes may be part of what is driving interest in and demand for other options where you do not have to put up with someone else in order to get your sexual needs met.
dogma1138 10y ago

ceejayoz 10y ago

Eventually graduating from virtual football to real football where other people are involved and can get hurt isn't a societal necessity (or even particularly likely).

jug 10y ago

I think we already have this "problem" anyway, and have seen it's solvable. There's this thing about porn or porn addiction that can desensitize people, or excessive masturbation leading to the "death grip" syndrome. So we have both psychological and physiological causes of not being able to maintain a good "IRL" sexual performance due to a history of excessive and, perhaps at least as important, different stimuli. BUT... The brain can usually easily be retrained if you abstain from those practices. It may take a month or even two, but following this, restore regular dopamine levels when aroused IRL, restore sensitivity, and so on. I see no reason sexbots will be any different. So I think sexbots will just be a new means that may cause old problems. But also as usual, the more you do things in moderation, the less of a problem they'll probably be. Sure, the old problem with addiction may rear its head again especially among people prone to getting addicted of sex, gambling, alcohol, etc, but I think this is as usual not the problem of a product, but of a personality. The best solution to that is not to withdraw products, but to learn about your addictive personality and take note when you're developing dangerous patterns or perhaps best of all just avoid risking it altogether by steering clear of risky products.

ndespres 10y ago

You understand that football is a sport, a game, with few long-term consequences outside of the game; sex is usually a deeply emotional experience with many short and long-term effects on body and mind very different from sports.

cdubzzz 10y ago
Eh. I'm not sure about the comparison, but sports certainly have many short and long-term effects on body and mind. My knee still hurts from high school football 10+ years ago and my experiences playing heavily influenced my personality today.
laretluval 10y ago
Seems that exactly one of the changes brought about by pornography is that young people decreasingly see sex that way.
- Mz 10y ago
  Historically, antibiotics and birth control have a well proven impact of that sort. This was not just a phenomenon of the 1960s. Other historical times and places where you could prevent pregnancy and disease also saw the flourishing of "free love" philosophies. Actual serious consequences is a big part of what drives people to view sex as very serious business. Most people are happy to see it as just another form of play time if you can nix the threat of death, maiming and babies with a fairly high degree of confidence.
  - Retric 10y ago
    Sex has long been a far more casual activity than commonly portrayed. So, people often have huge misconceptions about people's behavior both past and present.
    - Mz 10y ago
      When I have spoken about sex with people older than myself, I have sometimes been told "Well, TV went off at 9pm and there just wasn't anything else interesting to do between 9pm and going to sleep" or words to that effect. (Hippies explained: "It was 9pm and we were bored.") Similarly, I knew someone who traveled a lot for work and casual hookups were just a thing to do when trapped in a hotel in the middle of nowhere.

waterhouse 10y ago

Yeah. For that matter, I think it's common wisdom that people's first times having sex are often (though not always) awkward and not particularly satisfying.

frozenport 10y ago

Great analogy! When you play football in a video-game you don't see the physical toll the game takes on your body. When your first experience with sex is virtual, your impossible expectations might put-off your partner. Also your penis is probably not that big.

coldtea 10y ago

Because one thing is a simple game, and the other is a fundamental social interaction. How you first learn about sex affects how you treat other human beings -- including as mere rape targets for example...