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I read it as, nerds are bad at making friends and being friendly, so they write off friendliness as sociopathy. I've found that being friendly and helping peop
by spolsky 17y ago
I read it as, nerds are bad at making friends and being friendly, so they write off friendliness as sociopathy.
I've found that being friendly and helping people get things done is the way you move forward in an organization because those are the skills you need in management.
- maxklein 17y agoThere is no doubt that this guy would be good management material, considering that he knows how to get things done and knows how to be friendly with people in a manner that helps him out. But the point is: a lot of people who want to be in upper management are not willing to build their relationships with other people in the company based off a non-personal need. They want their friends to be real friends, and not just strategic short term allies. I'm not picking a side here, I'm just pointing out the operating mode that has resulted (in my observation) in at least one person getting ahead pretty quick.
- nollidge 17y agoThis... "You need to have close friends that are at your stage in life and higher, and for that, you have to leave the ones that stayed behind back." ...is not the same as being friendly. It's actual sociopathy.
- mquander 17y agoPlease. Some people care about their career more than they care about their relationships. How is this any more "sociopathic" than (for example) someone who neglects friends and family because they're working 16 hours a day?
- _delirium 17y agoI think there's a difference between neglecting people and actively manipulating them by faking friendship.
- deleted 17y ago[deleted]
- kaptainlange 17y agoOne is neglect and the other is active manipulation for the purpose of using people as if they were hammers and screwdrivers.
- matwood 17y agoIt's not neccessarily sociopathy, but points to a lesson the be aware of who you hang around with. I heard a stat last year that said that most people make within +-10% of their 5 closest friends salaries. It makes sense when you think about it. If you're hanging out with people who work dead end jobs and simply get blasted every weekend your most likely going to be doing similar things. Likewise, if you hang out with people are always coming with ideas for companies and following through you'll likely be doing same thing.
- houseabsolute 17y agoWe have to beware of things that "make sense," especially where cause and effect come in. To me it seems much more likely that people hang around more with people who are in similar circumstances. Since the people you spend the most time with become your best friends, it's no surprise that people will have similar incomes to their best friends.
- yters 17y agoWhat's wrong with just calling it sociopathy? Using people as tools to get your way is the definition of sociopathy, regardless of whether they're being "friendly" or not. The only reason "friendliness" works is because people think it's genuine, instead of a gimmick to get ahead. Why do people have to pretend these guys have some kind of great virtue? They're getting what they want, no need to sugar coat their behavior and give them accolades they don't deserve. Call a spade a spade.