17 ms·

Let's talk openly about depression

135 points by gjmveloso 10y ago

lowglow 10y ago
Living for your dream isn't a walk in the park, so it's important to build up a network of people you trust and can talk to. Anyone that wants to talk about entrepreneurship, building, whatever and depression just hit me up online or available for coffee whenever in SF. Contact info in my profile. Reach out. :)
- projektir 10y ago
  Does private messaging on HN require some amount of karma or is it simply not supported?
  - lowglow 10y ago
    Not supported. I have DMs on Twitter, Facebook, Baqqer, and SMS though!
  - Natanael_L 10y ago
    The only option is whatever contact method listed on the profile page of the person you want to contact, if any.
  - afarrell 10y ago
    If you go to https://news.ycombinator.com/user?id=projektir https://news.ycombinator.com/user?id=projektir, you can edit your profile and add contact information so people can email you.
- Pulce 10y ago
  "a network of people you trust and can talk to" Or at least ONE person... (I'm in this scenario)! EDIT: at least ONE person and a cat :)
  - lowglow 10y ago
    Would love to chat! :)
    - Pulce 10y ago
      Thanks :) I'm in Italy... when I'm depressed I read some pages from this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hacker_Ethic_and_the_Spirit_of_the_Information_Age https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hacker_Ethic_and_the_Spiri...
- deleted 10y ago
  [deleted]
- sndean 10y ago
  > it's important to build up a network of people you trust and can talk to. From my experience with a lot of family, friends, classmates, coworkers, I agree that this can really help out someone who's depressed (PTSD too). Texts or email sent back and forth, meeting up for dinner, coffee, or a beer have all seemed to help. Getting them a light box has helped, if they use it..
- taurath 10y ago
  Any advice to building a network when at small startups with most people older than you?
  - onion2k 10y ago
    Don't assume too much about people. Someone twice your age might have twice as much experience with the problem you're facing. Anyone can be a useful part of your network.
- mercer 10y ago
  I'd extend the same to anyone in the, uh, NL area. Perhaps we should set up an IRC channel specifically for this? Or does one already exist?
gc123 10y ago
As someone who does the tech 9-5, I've found it difficult to make small talk/form deeper relationships with people outside of tech. Conversations often tend to die off after the initial "What do you do? Oh that's cool..." or "About that weather we've been having..." Any tips on expanding your network outside of tech?
- mabbo 10y ago
  Find hobbies that aren't related. That's been my goal this year. Been interesting so far, and met a lot of awesome people.
- lowglow 10y ago
  Take a genuine interest in what others find passion in, and you'll find making friends is easier than you think. A good start would be replacing "What do you do?" with "What do you love to do?" or "What are you passionate about?" :) Good luck!
  - prawn 10y ago
    Another good one, especially if you're talking to someone you've met before but can't remember what they do for a living: "So, what's on the cards for you this year?" Gives them scope to talk about a new role you hadn't heard about, their regular job, a holiday they're going on, renovations at home, etc.
  - 0xcde4c3db 10y ago
    I find the idea that once can just consciously decide to "take a genuine interest in" something to be entirely alien. Is this something that most people are able to do? I can direct my attention toward something, but that doesn't make boring subjects interesting.
    - erikpukinskis 10y ago
      you are guessing that a line of conversation will turn out to be boring, but you don't really know. Suspension of disbelief should be easy since you don't actually know what will happen. This incidentally relates to one of OP's suggestions: don't assume that you'll keep feeling the way you feel forever.
Pulce 10y ago
Three P’s for me: Pasolini, Pertini, Pippo. EDIT: if you are not italian: knowledge, coherence and craziness.
pg_is_a_butt 10y ago
ok. you suck, and your depression is justified.
bpchaps 10y ago
I agree with the sentiment, but this whole Change Through Piecemeal concept for these sorts of things cab be discussed so much more breadth. Let's talk about mental health with a focus on distancing the concept of 'othering' from our heuristics instead, please.
partycoder 10y ago
Checkout this site: http://devpressed.com/ http://devpressed.com/ And this excellent talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFIa-Mc2KSk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFIa-Mc2KSk
- taurath 10y ago
  Thanks for these!
- deadtofu 10y ago
  I got really excited by this devpressed site. I have Asperger's. Plus PTSD from various stuff that happened as a result of that. So the idea of a safe place to share my strengths (and weaknesses) and try to find a job that doesn't stress me out was really exciteding. So I fired up Tor[2] and tried to register. Then the confirmation email never name. I tried resending. Set a timer. Wait 15 minutes. Try not to perseverate. I only have two emails - my main, plus a very old hotmail account which has now been morphed into an Outlook addy. Outlook has a pretty rich feature set, including aliases[1]. So I thought I'd try that. "There's a temporary problem with the service. Please try again. If you continue to get this message, try again later". I go through the process again on Outlook. Set a timer for 15 minutes. Try not to perseverate. I guess I could use my personal email (my first name at my last name dot com), but frankly part of why I was excited about registering. Maybe the issue is I did the initial account registration over Tor. Or maybe I'm just particuarly unlucky today. All I know is my rational brain quietly whisper "Oh, just go back later, it's probably some server side bug", and my emotional brain yells back... other things. I guess I could sign in with my Twitter, but if you'd been through what I've been through, you'd have trouble trusting people too. That's how I got into privacy and security work... feeling like I had a secret, and I needed to protect it. [1] http://windows.microsoft.com/en-us/windows/add-alias-account http://windows.microsoft.com/en-us/windows/add-alias-account [2] Yeah, a VPN is probably sufficient but lately I'm interested in how much of the web is closed off to Tor users due to crazy captchas and other gotchas.
  - partycoder 10y ago
    The same thing happened to me with the confirmation e-mail. It seems they have a problem with the registration.
meeper16 10y ago
Be Chinese.
- hackney 10y ago
  Thoughts can be your own worst enemy if left uncontrolled. I have heard psychiatrists agree when a patient states that they cannot control them. Totally false. The thing about depression is simply that feelings are the hardest thing anyone will ever try to control in their own lives. Modern psychiatry is stupid if it thinks anything is solved with medication. Then you have bad memories. Those can be replaced if you learn to not only control your thoughts, but also stop using the word victim in it's entirety.
amelius 10y ago
If you have depression combined with ADD, OCD, Autism or ME/CFS, then you might want to look up "methylation" on the internet. Genetic testing can show if you have a defect in your methylation pathways, which can lead to these disorders, and to depression. Good starting point: http://geneticgenie.org/ http://geneticgenie.org/ They even have an implementation of methylation analysis on this website.
- DanBC 10y ago
  Do you have a reliable cite for this please?
  - bhickey 10y ago
    Genetic Genie is setting off a lot of bogosity warning bells in my head. Yes, epigenetic methylation is associated with increased risk for all sorts of chronic illnesses. And, yes, oxidative stress influences heritable methylation. At the same time, the site appears to be peddling its own brand of alternative medicine woo and affiliate links.
    - amelius 10y ago
      Check this out: http://geneticgenie.org/blog/2013/02/01/think-supporting-methylation-is-an-alternative-health-fad/ http://geneticgenie.org/blog/2013/02/01/think-supporting-met...
      - bhickey 10y ago
        Yes, and? The entire website stinks of snake oil. The AJHG paper they cite to is talking about folate and methylation in the context of fetal abnormalities. This is a whole different beast from feeding adults B12 vitamins and hoping for the best.
        amelius 10y ago
        > and hoping for the best Well you are supposed to do a blood test for the metabolites that occur in the methylation pathway, to see if the cycle is running correctly. Not sure if that is mentioned on this particular site, but this is what people are doing for example on this ME/CFS forum [1] > The entire website stinks of snake oil You could still be right about this (or not), of course. I'd also like to see some clinical trials of this approach. [1] http://forums.phoenixrising.me/index.php?threads/methylation-pathways-panel.4711/ http://forums.phoenixrising.me/index.php?threads/methylation...
wapapaloobop 10y ago
>Personalization – the believe that we are at fault Yes, guilt is the means by which so much bad stuff gets installed in our minds. Ideas that get passed easily from mind to mind regardless of truth content are called memes. I propose the term remes for ideas that get recalled easily in an individual's mind. These get rehearsed more frequently than other ideas regardless of their truth content and so they persist; they achieve this by generating guilt.
deleted 10y ago
[deleted]
alanwatts 10y ago
The 3 P's mentioned by the author are some of the most classic human pit falls into mental paralysis. >1. Personalization – the believe that we are at fault. This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of us. "Small-minded people blame others. Average people blame themselves. The wise see all blame as foolishness." -Epictetus >2. Pervasiveness – the belief that an event will affect all areas of your life "Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream." -Lao Tzu >3. Permanence – the belief that the sorrow will last forever "A student went to his meditation teacher and said, “My meditation is horrible! I feel so distracted, or my legs ache, or I’m constantly falling asleep. It’s just horrible!” “It will pass,” the teacher said matter-of-factly. A week later, the student came back to his teacher. “My meditation is wonderful! I feel so aware, so peaceful, so alive! It’s just wonderful!” “It will pass,” the teacher replied matter-of-factly." -old Zen tale
yitchelle 10y ago
It is quite a coincidence that this topic popped up on HN. On my way into work this morning, I was listening to This American Life, in particular act 2 of this episode [0]. It basically follows the awkwardness of two dads trying to form a friendship in Austin. I was thinking why is it so hard for one man to form a friendship with another. Personally, I have found it difficult to form a friendship with other men outside of work or of school. Now that I am about to turn 46yrs old, I can count on one hand the number of guys I can consider a good friend. The rest are either workmates or schoolmates. Social contact is not the silver bullet to depression, but I believe that it helps a lot. [0] - http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/587/the-perils-of-intimacy http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/587/t...

135 points by gjmveloso 10y ago

Living for your dream isn't a walk in the park, so it's important to build up a network of people you trust and can talk to. Anyone that wants to talk about entrepreneurship, building, whatever and depression just hit me up online or available for coffee whenever in SF. Contact info in my profile. Reach out. :)

projektir 10y ago
Does private messaging on HN require some amount of karma or is it simply not supported?
- lowglow 10y ago
  Not supported. I have DMs on Twitter, Facebook, Baqqer, and SMS though!
- Natanael_L 10y ago
  The only option is whatever contact method listed on the profile page of the person you want to contact, if any.
- afarrell 10y ago
  If you go to https://news.ycombinator.com/user?id=projektir https://news.ycombinator.com/user?id=projektir, you can edit your profile and add contact information so people can email you.
Pulce 10y ago
"a network of people you trust and can talk to" Or at least ONE person... (I'm in this scenario)! EDIT: at least ONE person and a cat :)
- lowglow 10y ago
  Would love to chat! :)
  - Pulce 10y ago
    Thanks :) I'm in Italy... when I'm depressed I read some pages from this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hacker_Ethic_and_the_Spirit_of_the_Information_Age https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hacker_Ethic_and_the_Spiri...
deleted 10y ago
[deleted]
sndean 10y ago
> it's important to build up a network of people you trust and can talk to. From my experience with a lot of family, friends, classmates, coworkers, I agree that this can really help out someone who's depressed (PTSD too). Texts or email sent back and forth, meeting up for dinner, coffee, or a beer have all seemed to help. Getting them a light box has helped, if they use it..
taurath 10y ago
Any advice to building a network when at small startups with most people older than you?
- onion2k 10y ago
  Don't assume too much about people. Someone twice your age might have twice as much experience with the problem you're facing. Anyone can be a useful part of your network.
mercer 10y ago
I'd extend the same to anyone in the, uh, NL area. Perhaps we should set up an IRC channel specifically for this? Or does one already exist?

gc123 10y ago

As someone who does the tech 9-5, I've found it difficult to make small talk/form deeper relationships with people outside of tech. Conversations often tend to die off after the initial "What do you do? Oh that's cool..." or "About that weather we've been having..." Any tips on expanding your network outside of tech?

mabbo 10y ago
Find hobbies that aren't related. That's been my goal this year. Been interesting so far, and met a lot of awesome people.
lowglow 10y ago
Take a genuine interest in what others find passion in, and you'll find making friends is easier than you think. A good start would be replacing "What do you do?" with "What do you love to do?" or "What are you passionate about?" :) Good luck!
- prawn 10y ago
  Another good one, especially if you're talking to someone you've met before but can't remember what they do for a living: "So, what's on the cards for you this year?" Gives them scope to talk about a new role you hadn't heard about, their regular job, a holiday they're going on, renovations at home, etc.
- 0xcde4c3db 10y ago
  I find the idea that once can just consciously decide to "take a genuine interest in" something to be entirely alien. Is this something that most people are able to do? I can direct my attention toward something, but that doesn't make boring subjects interesting.
  - erikpukinskis 10y ago
    you are guessing that a line of conversation will turn out to be boring, but you don't really know. Suspension of disbelief should be easy since you don't actually know what will happen. This incidentally relates to one of OP's suggestions: don't assume that you'll keep feeling the way you feel forever.

Pulce 10y ago

Three P’s for me: Pasolini, Pertini, Pippo. EDIT: if you are not italian: knowledge, coherence and craziness.

pg_is_a_butt 10y ago

ok. you suck, and your depression is justified.

bpchaps 10y ago

I agree with the sentiment, but this whole Change Through Piecemeal concept for these sorts of things cab be discussed so much more breadth. Let's talk about mental health with a focus on distancing the concept of 'othering' from our heuristics instead, please.

partycoder 10y ago

Checkout this site: http://devpressed.com/ http://devpressed.com/ And this excellent talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFIa-Mc2KSk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFIa-Mc2KSk

taurath 10y ago
Thanks for these!
deadtofu 10y ago
I got really excited by this devpressed site. I have Asperger's. Plus PTSD from various stuff that happened as a result of that. So the idea of a safe place to share my strengths (and weaknesses) and try to find a job that doesn't stress me out was really exciteding. So I fired up Tor[2] and tried to register. Then the confirmation email never name. I tried resending. Set a timer. Wait 15 minutes. Try not to perseverate. I only have two emails - my main, plus a very old hotmail account which has now been morphed into an Outlook addy. Outlook has a pretty rich feature set, including aliases[1]. So I thought I'd try that. "There's a temporary problem with the service. Please try again. If you continue to get this message, try again later". I go through the process again on Outlook. Set a timer for 15 minutes. Try not to perseverate. I guess I could use my personal email (my first name at my last name dot com), but frankly part of why I was excited about registering. Maybe the issue is I did the initial account registration over Tor. Or maybe I'm just particuarly unlucky today. All I know is my rational brain quietly whisper "Oh, just go back later, it's probably some server side bug", and my emotional brain yells back... other things. I guess I could sign in with my Twitter, but if you'd been through what I've been through, you'd have trouble trusting people too. That's how I got into privacy and security work... feeling like I had a secret, and I needed to protect it. [1] http://windows.microsoft.com/en-us/windows/add-alias-account http://windows.microsoft.com/en-us/windows/add-alias-account [2] Yeah, a VPN is probably sufficient but lately I'm interested in how much of the web is closed off to Tor users due to crazy captchas and other gotchas.
- partycoder 10y ago
  The same thing happened to me with the confirmation e-mail. It seems they have a problem with the registration.

meeper16 10y ago

Be Chinese.

hackney 10y ago
Thoughts can be your own worst enemy if left uncontrolled. I have heard psychiatrists agree when a patient states that they cannot control them. Totally false. The thing about depression is simply that feelings are the hardest thing anyone will ever try to control in their own lives. Modern psychiatry is stupid if it thinks anything is solved with medication. Then you have bad memories. Those can be replaced if you learn to not only control your thoughts, but also stop using the word victim in it's entirety.

amelius 10y ago

If you have depression combined with ADD, OCD, Autism or ME/CFS, then you might want to look up "methylation" on the internet. Genetic testing can show if you have a defect in your methylation pathways, which can lead to these disorders, and to depression. Good starting point: http://geneticgenie.org/ http://geneticgenie.org/ They even have an implementation of methylation analysis on this website.

DanBC 10y ago
Do you have a reliable cite for this please?
- bhickey 10y ago
  Genetic Genie is setting off a lot of bogosity warning bells in my head. Yes, epigenetic methylation is associated with increased risk for all sorts of chronic illnesses. And, yes, oxidative stress influences heritable methylation. At the same time, the site appears to be peddling its own brand of alternative medicine woo and affiliate links.
  - amelius 10y ago
    Check this out: http://geneticgenie.org/blog/2013/02/01/think-supporting-methylation-is-an-alternative-health-fad/ http://geneticgenie.org/blog/2013/02/01/think-supporting-met...
    - bhickey 10y ago
      Yes, and? The entire website stinks of snake oil. The AJHG paper they cite to is talking about folate and methylation in the context of fetal abnormalities. This is a whole different beast from feeding adults B12 vitamins and hoping for the best.
      - amelius 10y ago
        > and hoping for the best Well you are supposed to do a blood test for the metabolites that occur in the methylation pathway, to see if the cycle is running correctly. Not sure if that is mentioned on this particular site, but this is what people are doing for example on this ME/CFS forum [1] > The entire website stinks of snake oil You could still be right about this (or not), of course. I'd also like to see some clinical trials of this approach. [1] http://forums.phoenixrising.me/index.php?threads/methylation-pathways-panel.4711/ http://forums.phoenixrising.me/index.php?threads/methylation...

wapapaloobop 10y ago

>Personalization – the believe that we are at fault Yes, guilt is the means by which so much bad stuff gets installed in our minds. Ideas that get passed easily from mind to mind regardless of truth content are called memes. I propose the term remes for ideas that get recalled easily in an individual's mind. These get rehearsed more frequently than other ideas regardless of their truth content and so they persist; they achieve this by generating guilt.

deleted 10y ago

[deleted]

alanwatts 10y ago

The 3 P's mentioned by the author are some of the most classic human pit falls into mental paralysis. >1. Personalization – the believe that we are at fault. This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of us. "Small-minded people blame others. Average people blame themselves. The wise see all blame as foolishness." -Epictetus >2. Pervasiveness – the belief that an event will affect all areas of your life "Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream." -Lao Tzu >3. Permanence – the belief that the sorrow will last forever "A student went to his meditation teacher and said, “My meditation is horrible! I feel so distracted, or my legs ache, or I’m constantly falling asleep. It’s just horrible!” “It will pass,” the teacher said matter-of-factly. A week later, the student came back to his teacher. “My meditation is wonderful! I feel so aware, so peaceful, so alive! It’s just wonderful!” “It will pass,” the teacher replied matter-of-factly." -old Zen tale

yitchelle 10y ago

It is quite a coincidence that this topic popped up on HN. On my way into work this morning, I was listening to This American Life, in particular act 2 of this episode [0]. It basically follows the awkwardness of two dads trying to form a friendship in Austin. I was thinking why is it so hard for one man to form a friendship with another. Personally, I have found it difficult to form a friendship with other men outside of work or of school. Now that I am about to turn 46yrs old, I can count on one hand the number of guys I can consider a good friend. The rest are either workmates or schoolmates. Social contact is not the silver bullet to depression, but I believe that it helps a lot. [0] - http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/587/the-perils-of-intimacy http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/587/t...