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Yes, he said to start with simple things like interacting with friends. Arrange to (e.g.) have dinner, pick the restaurant, invite the people you want to spend
by J-dawg 11y ago
Yes, he said to start with simple things like interacting with friends. Arrange to (e.g.) have dinner, pick the restaurant, invite the people you want to spend your time with.
It sounds so trivial, but it hit me like a punch in the guts when I realised I hardly ever do anything like this. I've always gone along with whatever other people have planned, reassuring myself that I'm 'easy-going'.
This is what he meant by 'exercising the muscle'. Get used to getting your own way, getting what you want from the world, and taking responsibility for any conflict that arises as a result.
I guess the idea is that you become accustomed to getting what you want and taking responsibility when the decisions really matter.
Even reading back what I've just written feels silly, and embarrassing to admit to. But I hope it's gone some way toward answering your question.
DISCLAIMER: I'm a complete beginner at this stuff and very much still finding my own way. So please take anything I say with a pinch of salt and consider seeing a therapist yourself if you're still curious.
- johnchristopher 11y agoThank you for sharing that :).
- J-dawg 11y agoYou're very welcome. I found the whole experience pretty mind-blowing, the way a few minutes of talking to this guy could alter my whole perception of my life, past and present. I highly recommend giving it a go, even if you're not feeling depressed or anxious (although I was).
- johnchristopher 11y agoDo you know what kind of background he has ? Master in psychology, psychiatry or psy bachelor ? Did that play any role when you chose to make an appointment ?
- J-dawg 11y agoI actually just picked someone in my area and he turned out to be very good. I didn't look at his qualifications. I've read stories of people having very mixed experiences with counselling, so I guess there's an element of luck involved. Sorry I can't give a more satisfactory answer. I would perhaps advise being prepared to try 2 or 3 different counsellors until you find one you click with. If my experience is anything to go by, you'll probably know whether you click during the first session.
- johnchristopher 11y agoIt's okay, your experience reflects mine. One of the key point I read some time ago (here on HN) is that one of the best indicators for success in therapy is the quality of the relationship between patient/client and the counselor. Indeed, it's really important to try different counselors until it clicks. In the long term it'll be less expensive and time wasting to go trough 2 or 3 or 4 then getting stuck with a bad fit. Thanks again for sharing that.
- fnordian_slip 11y agoI know that +1 answers are generally bad form, but I also just wanted to thank you for that comment. It's something that really does make sense once you think about it, but I would never have thought about it like this in the first place, so this perspective helped me a lot. The 'exercising the muscle' analogy is also used in "the willpower instinct, which I found quite interesting (though I have to admit it did not help me, because I did not stick with it).