8 ms·
Meeting People Is Easy, but Hard
- elorant 11y agoMeeting people for the first time at a convention is far more easier than in the real world. In a conference you have some common ground to talk about, you’re both there for the same reason. You introduce yourself, ask them what they do and then find some topic to go on. In the real world though it’s a different game altogether. You have to be a master of small talk if you want to meet people out of the blue.
- elwell 11y agoLink text says "Extroversion and introversion" but links to wiki page for "Extraversion and introversion" (the correct spelling).
- TheOtherHobbes 11y agoEither spelling is correct. Extroversion is the original 17th c. spelling, used to mean a literal turning inside out. The word drifted through Late Romantic mysticism in the 19th c. and landed in psychology in the early 20th c. Extraversion is a more recent variant. (I'm not sure anyone really wanted to know that...)
- deleted 11y ago[deleted]
- sundarurfriend 11y ago> (I'm not sure anyone really wanted to know that...) I did, thanks!
- Thane2600 11y agomy complete shock that anything in this article is unknown to all is inversely proportional to my programming abilities.
- nfd 11y agoI... can't parse that sentence.
- triplesec 11y agoThen you may be very shocked that anything in this article is unknown
- nfd 11y agoAlright, I parse it, and I blame the post-finals slump I'm caught in. Propositionally, the relationship's fine and it's clearly stated, despite what sleepy-me might've thought a couple hours ago. But what's the useful assertion? Assume high programming skill, low shock; is it trying to say that programmers are obviously all socially oblivious? Does it say that it's especially common for everyone to know any amount less than all of the information in the link? Heck, is an inverse-corollary relationship even meaningful if you only have one datum (one double of the two observations he's made) and not a sliding range?
- zodiac 11y agoStanford Parser (http://nlp.stanford.edu:8080/parser/index.jsp http://nlp.stanford.edu:8080/parser/index.jsp) actually parses it correctly! (ROOT (S (NP (NP (PRP$ my) (JJ complete) (NN shock)) (SBAR (IN that) (S (NP (NP (NN anything)) (PP (IN in) (NP (DT this) (NN article)))) (VP (VBZ is) (ADJP (JJ unknown) (PP (TO to) (NP (DT all)))))))) (VP (VBZ is) (ADVP (RB inversely)) (VP (VBG proportional) (PP (TO to) (NP (PRP$ my) (NN programming) (NNS abilities))))) (. .))) I agree that it's quite convoluted, but surprisingly it's not incorrect
- SilasX 11y agoFunny how they can write a parser that converts natural language strings into a syntax tree, but they can't configure an nginx proxy on port 80 :-p
- EvanKelly 11y agoI once received advice on smalltalk that's been interestingly useful. The advice was to ask questions could be answered with a number. Like "How long have you lived in New York?" or "How many siblings do you have?" On the surface those don't seem great at stimulating conversation, but people seem to automatically expand on the number they give since they feel it deserves explanation. I've used it several times when I've been set adrift at a cocktail party without a conversational thread to pull on.
- EC1 11y agoI like to go with Larry David's advice with skipping the small talk and going straight to medium or large talk. I like to open with "so how's your marriage?" Just get right into it.
- dsjoerg 11y agoHow does that work for you? I figure it's a good filter - 80% of people think you're a whackball and run away, 20% stay and have interesting conversations.
- EC1 11y agoThe ones that appreciate and understand the underlying banter are the ones I like to filter for using this tactic.
- fapjacks 11y agoSo, I've had people lay these kinds of questions on me. Or even during a job interview (!). And normally, I'm down for the deep shit at the drop of a hat. But the problem is when complete strangers ask me these questions. It's hard to gauge when a conversation about the last time I did MDMA (and why) is appropriate. Do I really want to talk about the nasty shit I did in Iraq with complete strangers, even though that's the most honest and direct answer to their hail mary of a question? Even something like "So how are you really doing?" can be challenging to answer to a stranger. I guess really I question your desire (or ability) to handle the answers.
- tomrod 11y agoFORD: - Family - Occupation - Recreation - Dreams I'm not a natural talker. Using FORD has opened many, many conversations and, eventually, doors. I believe I found out about FORD on HN about 6 years back.
- nefitty 11y agoBeat me to it. I learned about this on Lifehacker. Their Conversations tag has a hefty amount of tips and tricks, so I'll share that instead of their quick overview of FORD. http://lifehacker.com/tag/conversations http://lifehacker.com/tag/conversations
- jnicholasp 11y agoAnd you usually want to avoid RAPE: - Religion - Abortion - Politics - Economics Of course, rape itself is also probably not a conversational winner, generally speaking.
- gkya 11y agoWhy specifically abortion? I mean with regard to other items you listed, it's a lot more specific topic, and it's part religion and part politics anyway.
- thecatspaw 11y agoI imagine that people can feel that it is wrong, without it beeing linked to religion or politics. Note: I do not share the idea that abortion is wrong
- goodJobWalrus 11y agoor they couldn't come up with a better A, and RPE just doesn't have a same ring to it.
- jacobush 11y agoIt can also be about personal trauma of various kinds. Like abortion come about because of pregnancy brought about by rape. Or abortion gone wrong. Late abortion. Abortion come about after difficult decisions. Forced abortion. Wanted abortion but could not get one. It just goes on.
- terravion 11y agoOne thought on talking about the weather: this habit arose when everyone's livelihood was directly or indirectly tied to local rainfall--so it was more like discussing the latest macroeconomic news or stock tips or latest web trends (in tech) than some pointlessly superficial conversation.
- triplesec 11y agoin England, talking abou the weather is by far the easiest way to get into an animated conversation. Seriously. It's because it has one of the most unpredictable climates, by the hour. (although if you have to, bet on light rain)
- TheOtherHobbes 11y agoAt the moment the easiest way to get into an animated conversation - or possibly a fist fight - is to ask about Europe.
- ptrincr 11y agoStaying clear of politics and relgion is always a good bet.
- pbhjpbhj 11y agoI don't really understand that, surely it should only be avoided with people who can't have a civil conversation. These are often interesting topics. I guess you need to get the measure of your co-conversant first.
- gerbilly 11y agoWAR ENDS AS ARCHDUKE FRANZ FERDINAND IS FOUND ALIVE - "How fares Europe?" asks presumed dead count.[1] [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Our_Dumb_Century https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Our_Dumb_Century
- Jedd 11y agoAs Charles Warner opined - everyone talks about the weather, but no one actually does anything about it.
- DrScump 11y agoWell done -- it's often misattributed to Mark Twain.
- woodandsteel 11y agoIf it's a conference on terraforming, then you might get into a very interesting conversation on that very topic.
- triplesec 11y agoAlthough this is incidental to teh main topic, for some reason he makes a big scale of Extraversion and Introversion. However, these are not necessarily the most helpful constructs, being outdated Jungian ideas comprising of many more variables that would be much more helpful. In the meanwhile, have a look at the other scales like the Big 5. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extraversion_and_introversion https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extraversion_and_introversion Please ignore Myers-Briggs because it is demonstrably useless and worse than that, too plausible.
- tbrownaw 11y agoFrom your link: Virtually all comprehensive models of personality include these concepts [intraversion/extraversion] in various forms. Examples include the Big Five model, [...]. So they very much are helpful constructs, and are part of what you suggest to use as a replacement. Just because they're not the newest and shiniest doesn't make them bad.
- triplesec 11y agoYou make a good point, yes the ideas are useful. However, the way they are still used as labelled buinary opposites make may people think they are undividable ideas. The replacements use them, but go further, rather than rely on them as originally created. They sometimes sophisticate the originals, which is good. The basic idea is interesting, but it is the simple binary condition of the original that is problematic, not capturing all of the differences. Unfortunately, the hardest thing in psychology is variable construction and testing, so it's taking a while to move beyond these too-broad constructs. I agree old ideas are not necessarily terrbile at all. Euclid, for example, had some rather good theorems. However, psychology is rather different.
- oxplot 11y agoThe author gives some examples of questions to ask which is great. However I find that stories (real or fake) of a complete experience written in third person (or better as a video) is exponentially more helpful in communicating all the subtleties of activities that need practice, be it social interaction, learning to code or playing a sport. Bullet points and tips put too much pressure and control around learning something fluidly because the learner is constantly measuring himself/herself against these "constraints".
- joshmn 11y agoOn a similar note, is there a hackers guide to be social / relationships / that stuff? if $this, then try [1, 2, 3]-ish style?
- blairbeckwith 11y agoNot exactly that, but this is by far the best, most thorough resource I've ever found. I don't need it much anymore, but I used to read it a ton: http://www.succeedsocially.com/ http://www.succeedsocially.com/
- z3t4 11y agoAs an Extroverted thinker it can also be awkward, I just love to have discussions. But even on a conference I only find 5% of the people are nerdy enough to match me.
- z3t4 11y agoWhen you do find someone who match, it's totally awesome.
- hungwunfai 11y agoWhy is it so important to postpone "what do you do"? I think it is perfectly fine to ask the direct but sincere question, because it is ultimately the information you and your counterpart needs.
- grimoald 11y agoTotally unreleated: why is the editor war always Emacs vs. Vi, not Vim? Is anybody using the original Vi these days?
- deleted 11y ago[deleted]
- mcculley 11y agoWhen I invoke vi on a machine, I really have no idea what the implementation is. I imagine it is Vim on most Linux machines. I've been using vi for so long on so many types of systems that I only really use a safe subset anyway. I don't use any Vim extensions, so it makes sense to refer to it as vi as that is how I think of it. I imagine many others think of it the same way.
- 0xcde4c3db 11y agoAs far as I know, the original vi sees little use because it was caught up in the legal wrangling and fragmentation associated with the Unix Wars. However, some systems still have a clone that sticks closer to the original feature set. In particular, nvi was written by Keith Bostic specifically so that BSD would have an unencumbered vi implementation.
- pmoriarty 11y agoProbably because the person who invokes said editor war has little to no experience with vim.
- dimxasnewfrozen 11y agoI'm extremely shy AND introverted. I don't like talking to strangers or meeting new people. But this one time, I had a job interview in DC and my wife and I were at a bar enjoying drinks/dinner. Out of no where this young woman sat next to me and started talking to me. I was extremely uncomfortable/awkward at first but she asked what I did and I replied that I'm a software engineer. She immediately responded with "I work for the Chamber of Commerce." This naturally triggered a conversation about software copyright laws and SOPA. It was the most enlightening conversation that I've ever had with a stranger. While we had different opinions, it was very civil and pleasant. My wife was jealous since I was talking to this woman for so long but it wasn't about her, it was about the conversation. I generally go out of my way to avoid these interactions but I was so shocked how it turned out, once I got over the anxiety of talking to a stranger.
- kafkaesq 11y agoDon’t hide in the bathroom, at the bar, or behind a plate of food. Or behind a glass, for that matter. To wit: alcohol obviously can help break the ice in many situations -- but it can also cause innate skills to atrophy, and have weirdly isolating effects in a whole bunch other ways. So use alcohol as a tool (if it works for you) -- but switch it out, now and then. And make a point of doing all that approaching, "leaning in" (or however you like to term it) whilst stone cold sober at least as often as when you've had a glass or two.