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I have a huge fear of flying (that seems to be increasing), and it's beginning to affect my life. For example, I have the opportunity to go to Portland for a co

I have a huge fear of flying (that seems to be increasing), and it's beginning to affect my life. For example, I have the opportunity to go to Portland for a conference at the end of the month but I am convincing myself not to go because I don't know if I can handle a two 6 hour flights in a span of 2 days. I literally have another tab open on delta.com with flights that I should book, but it's more likely that I won't. I have a doctor who has prescribed me Xanax strictly for flying, in which case I take a lot and it sort of just knocks me out. The problem however is that roughly three weeks out, if I know I have a flight, I will start to really stress, obsess about the upcoming flight, have difficulty sleeping, etc... And like most of us here on HN, I consider myself a logical person who understands the safety of flying, the statistics and the likelihood of events, yadda yadda, but it doesn't change the fact that for me, I feel extremely uncomfortable flying. I don't know whether it's the lack of control or the anonymity of whoever is in the cockpit, but sitting on a commercial jet coincides with me feeling panic.

guyzero 11y ago
Maybe you should consider cognitive behaviour therapy.
- arnold_palmur 11y ago
  Yeah I recently read When Panic Attacks by David Burns, which is all about CBT, and while I see the value in what he is saying it really didn't change my mindset about things. There is a separation between what is rational and what is mental/emotional. I actually feel like I could do a pretty good job talking to someone else who has a fear of flying and helping them with what my logical side knows, but internally I am still a wreck.
- Zelphyr 11y ago
  Along those lines I would recommend Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) as a more specific approach to flying anxiety.
  - arnold_palmur 11y ago
    Interesting - I will definitely look into that. I remember having no fear of flying the first time I flew (when I was like 7 or 8), but I remember looking at my mom during takeoff, white-knuckling the armrest. I've also foolishly done a lot of research over the years on airline disasters, but I think from there on out something in my mind switched from this is fun and interesting to this does not feel safe.
    - Zelphyr 11y ago
      One of the things you get from ACT is; if your mind can switch from "this is fun and interesting" to "this does not feel safe" then it can just as easily switch back.
deleted 11y ago
[deleted]
lisper 11y ago
FWIW, commercial airliners are actually incredibly safe. The most dangerous part of flying on a commercial flight is driving to and from the airport.
- mikeash 11y ago
  "...I consider myself a logical person who understands the safety of flying, the statistics and the likelihood of events..." They know. Sometimes that knowledge just doesn't help.
- pc86 11y ago
  As is stated elsewhere, the cliche is really only true if you happen to be driving a motorcycle at highway speeds.
YeGoblynQueenne 11y ago
Yeah, I got a fear of flying also. I live and work in one end of Europe, but come from another end, so when I go back home for the holidays I ride a couple of trains and take a long boat trip at the end. It takes me three days to get home, but I don't have to think about flying. Think about it - it could work for you too. To be honest, lately I started flying again after almost ten years I avoided it like the plague. It's not that I'm less afraid of it, but it's eating away so much of my holiday that I just can't afford not to anymore. I guess in a way you could say that getting sick of the long journey by land and sea did help me get over my fear of flying a little bit.
mortenjorck 11y ago
Fear of flying is a strange thing. I never had any issues until I happened to be on a regional flight on one of those tiny little Embraer three-seat-wide jets. We are probably 10 minutes away from starting descent, when suddenly I have the first real panic attack I have ever experienced: It feels as if some part of my lizard brain has started spamming the “IMMINENT MORTAL DANGER GET OUT NOW” signal, throwing the rest of my brain into chaos trying to form a coherent threat model. It seems to have something to do with the claustrophobic cabin and the lack of direct control, but everything becomes a fever-dream blur. I don’t really remember how the episode ended other than that I was ultimately able to walk off the plane unaided, but now whenever I fly, I triple check I’m not on a compact airliner like that.
mdparker89 11y ago
I would really recommend seeing a therapist that practices cognitive behavioral therapy. I was where you are. Reading about CBT didn't help. I had to go and talk to a professional. It hasn't cured me but I can consistently fly at a much lower level of anxiety and the anticipatory anxiety is down to the day of.
adamio 11y ago
helpful read https://jethead.wordpress.com/category/fear-of-flying/ https://jethead.wordpress.com/category/fear-of-flying/

guyzero 11y ago

Maybe you should consider cognitive behaviour therapy.

arnold_palmur 11y ago
Yeah I recently read When Panic Attacks by David Burns, which is all about CBT, and while I see the value in what he is saying it really didn't change my mindset about things. There is a separation between what is rational and what is mental/emotional. I actually feel like I could do a pretty good job talking to someone else who has a fear of flying and helping them with what my logical side knows, but internally I am still a wreck.
Zelphyr 11y ago
Along those lines I would recommend Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) as a more specific approach to flying anxiety.
- arnold_palmur 11y ago
  Interesting - I will definitely look into that. I remember having no fear of flying the first time I flew (when I was like 7 or 8), but I remember looking at my mom during takeoff, white-knuckling the armrest. I've also foolishly done a lot of research over the years on airline disasters, but I think from there on out something in my mind switched from this is fun and interesting to this does not feel safe.
  - Zelphyr 11y ago
    One of the things you get from ACT is; if your mind can switch from "this is fun and interesting" to "this does not feel safe" then it can just as easily switch back.

deleted 11y ago

[deleted]

lisper 11y ago

FWIW, commercial airliners are actually incredibly safe. The most dangerous part of flying on a commercial flight is driving to and from the airport.

mikeash 11y ago
"...I consider myself a logical person who understands the safety of flying, the statistics and the likelihood of events..." They know. Sometimes that knowledge just doesn't help.
pc86 11y ago
As is stated elsewhere, the cliche is really only true if you happen to be driving a motorcycle at highway speeds.

YeGoblynQueenne 11y ago

Yeah, I got a fear of flying also. I live and work in one end of Europe, but come from another end, so when I go back home for the holidays I ride a couple of trains and take a long boat trip at the end. It takes me three days to get home, but I don't have to think about flying. Think about it - it could work for you too. To be honest, lately I started flying again after almost ten years I avoided it like the plague. It's not that I'm less afraid of it, but it's eating away so much of my holiday that I just can't afford not to anymore. I guess in a way you could say that getting sick of the long journey by land and sea did help me get over my fear of flying a little bit.

mortenjorck 11y ago

Fear of flying is a strange thing. I never had any issues until I happened to be on a regional flight on one of those tiny little Embraer three-seat-wide jets. We are probably 10 minutes away from starting descent, when suddenly I have the first real panic attack I have ever experienced: It feels as if some part of my lizard brain has started spamming the “IMMINENT MORTAL DANGER GET OUT NOW” signal, throwing the rest of my brain into chaos trying to form a coherent threat model. It seems to have something to do with the claustrophobic cabin and the lack of direct control, but everything becomes a fever-dream blur. I don’t really remember how the episode ended other than that I was ultimately able to walk off the plane unaided, but now whenever I fly, I triple check I’m not on a compact airliner like that.

mdparker89 11y ago

I would really recommend seeing a therapist that practices cognitive behavioral therapy. I was where you are. Reading about CBT didn't help. I had to go and talk to a professional. It hasn't cured me but I can consistently fly at a much lower level of anxiety and the anticipatory anxiety is down to the day of.

adamio 11y ago

helpful read https://jethead.wordpress.com/category/fear-of-flying/ https://jethead.wordpress.com/category/fear-of-flying/