8 ms·

I fight against this all the time. It's simply impossible due to all the guilt involved. I do not want anything for xmas/birthday. My wife always wants to get

I fight against this all the time. It's simply impossible due to all the guilt involved. I do not want anything for xmas/birthday. My wife always wants to get me something and makes me feel like a killjoy. This is perhaps manageable. Bigger problem is I have 2 kids who get invited to parties. I have to take the birthday boy/girl something. Fine - but this means it's reciprocated. Valentines day recently. Used to be for asking a new girl out - now you have to gift something to your wife of 20 years. I have successfully vanquished this one. Coming over for dinner? They bring a (bad) bottle of wine that I now have to get rid of. On and on the waste goes. It just goes on and on.

ycmbntrthrwaway 11y ago
Those thoughts sometimes lead me to conclusion that "gift" tradition is invented or supported by marketing. It sounds like conspiracy theory, but it is partially true: take for example valentines day that is exploited by advertisement industry each year. I wonder if that gift tradition would be nearly dead were it not for aggressive advertising.
- hyperpape 11y ago
  Of course it isn't. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gift_(book) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gift_(book)
- mixmastamyk 11y ago
  True, look no further than the diamond ring "tradition."
- ZeroFries 11y ago
  Doesn't require conspiracy. It's in the best interests of retailers to peddle gift-giving, so they do. This peddling increases gift-giving, or the retailers would stop doing it. Therefore it's safe to assume that gift-giving rates would be lower if the retailers did not peddle it.
venomsnake 11y ago
Bad wine makes terrific vinegar :)
axxl 11y ago
I understand most of your post and your desire to have less stuff. However, when you can't bring wine (a consumable, literally no long term space-occupation or anything else, probably gone that night, if not you can just dump it down the drain) to dinner... sheesh.
- branchless 11y ago
  Let me flesh that out. It's the waste I don't like. I don't dislike the person for the sentiment. I don't enforce this nor do I criticize it should a guest bring some. I basically just want someone to come to my place and enjoy themselves, they shouldn't have to bring me a gift: I invited them. If they do anyway I thank them but I wish they had not.
- qaq 11y ago
  The point is it's a waste if you dump it down the drain
  - branchless 11y ago
    This is putting the cart before the horse. If I dump 4,000 kilos of butter outside your front door will you make enough sandwiches or should I not have done that? I used to drink bad wine, then I realised I'm putting myself through displeasure for no real end.
matnewton 11y ago
These chain of thought leads to one of the most common startup ideas ever to cross VC desks - the ability to gift experiences online. (Interestingly, a Google search that I just ran for 'gift experiences' returned almost exclusively UK results. What would a US resident be searching for?)
rcfox 11y ago
> Coming over for dinner? They bring a (bad) bottle of wine that I now have to get rid of. I'm not a drinker myself, but I always assumed that people brought wine to dinners with the intention of drinking them at that dinner. Shouldn't that take care of getting rid of it?
- branchless 11y ago
  Often it's bad because the people I know aren't rich. That's fine, I'd rather they just brought themselves. If it's bad why spoil dinner!
  - CocaKoala 11y ago
    Expensive wine is not always good, cheap wine is not always bad. One of my favourite wines is a ten bucks a bottle; it's more expensive for me now because I need to order it by the case and ship it across the country to get it, but so it goes. If somebody brings a bottle of wine to dinner, unless you specifically planned the meal to go with a specific bottle of wine (or if they specifically say that this bottle is meant to be opened at a certain time or for a certain occasion), open the bottle they brought. Otherwise, you're sending one of two messages: 1) I'm certain that this wine you brought as a gift is so bad, I don't even want to bother drinking it. 2) I'm certain that this wine you brought as a gift is so good, I don't want to share it with you at all. Neither message is a good look. If it's bad wine, open it, share the bad experience, and joke about how horrible the wine is. You've all learned something. If it's good wine, open it, share the good experience, and marvel over how great the bottle is.
    - magic_beans 11y ago
      What is this $10 wine you speak of :)
      - CocaKoala 11y ago
        Damiani Dolce Bianco, a blended table white. It's an eminently drinkable white wine, pairs well with chicken, pasta, or dishes with a citrus element. Alternatively, it's light enough that you can simply drink it on its own over the course of an evening. Drink it chilled, and I highly recommend sharing with friends. You'll have a lot of trouble finding it for sale unless you happen to live in the upstate NY area; they're a small winery in the Finger Lakes region. I visited them once when I was living in that area, and discovered later that their table white could be bought at my local Century Wine and Liquor for ten bucks. At the time, I was living with some friends and none of us were making very much money (we were all immediately post-college), and that bottle of wine was the backdrop to basically all of our social gatherings and group dinners. A couple years later, when I moved out to California, I sent the winery an email letting them know how much I had enjoyed drinking their wine with my friends, and how sad I was that I was no longer in an area where they had distribution. In response, they offered to sell me a case for ten percent off, and covered shipping as a wedding present for my upcoming wedding. It's worth noting here that while I'm presenting this story as an example of how nice the winemakers are, it should be stressed that they are not unusual in this regard! If you live in an area that has vineyards and wineries, you should go visit and do tastings! You can probably find cheap wines that you like, you can build relationships with the people who make the wines, and you will enjoy the wine even more for it. It's boatloads of fun to bring a bottle of wine to dinner with friends and say "Now, I know the folks who make this, they're especially proud of this bottle. Let me know what you think!"
mjcarroll 11y ago
With regards to the birthday gifts, we have friends that have their children choose a charity to support via donations. An example would be the local humane society, and each birthday party attendee is asked to bring something that could be donated, such as leashes, bowls, or food. Then the birthday boy/girl gets to take all of the donations to the humane society. It's a win/win. No additional clutter, and birthday boy/girl gets life experience with donation and community involvement.
stevewillows 11y ago
I haven't celebrated christmas with gifts since about the age of 12 or so. My family forces a gift or two on me each year.. and each year I return it for cash and leave the money at their house. Sometimes they notice, other times they don't. In the end, we both win. I stopped accepting / asking for gifts after I overheard them stressing about a credit card bill. It didn't make sense that they should stress so I could have something I didn't want or need. I have a small soap company on the side. I started bringing soap as a hostess gift instead of wine. It felt weird at first, but I find that most people are grateful to have a useful gift over some two-bit beach wine.

ycmbntrthrwaway 11y ago

Those thoughts sometimes lead me to conclusion that "gift" tradition is invented or supported by marketing. It sounds like conspiracy theory, but it is partially true: take for example valentines day that is exploited by advertisement industry each year. I wonder if that gift tradition would be nearly dead were it not for aggressive advertising.

hyperpape 11y ago
Of course it isn't. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gift_(book) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gift_(book)
mixmastamyk 11y ago
True, look no further than the diamond ring "tradition."
ZeroFries 11y ago
Doesn't require conspiracy. It's in the best interests of retailers to peddle gift-giving, so they do. This peddling increases gift-giving, or the retailers would stop doing it. Therefore it's safe to assume that gift-giving rates would be lower if the retailers did not peddle it.

venomsnake 11y ago

Bad wine makes terrific vinegar :)

axxl 11y ago

I understand most of your post and your desire to have less stuff. However, when you can't bring wine (a consumable, literally no long term space-occupation or anything else, probably gone that night, if not you can just dump it down the drain) to dinner... sheesh.

branchless 11y ago
Let me flesh that out. It's the waste I don't like. I don't dislike the person for the sentiment. I don't enforce this nor do I criticize it should a guest bring some. I basically just want someone to come to my place and enjoy themselves, they shouldn't have to bring me a gift: I invited them. If they do anyway I thank them but I wish they had not.
qaq 11y ago
The point is it's a waste if you dump it down the drain
- branchless 11y ago
  This is putting the cart before the horse. If I dump 4,000 kilos of butter outside your front door will you make enough sandwiches or should I not have done that? I used to drink bad wine, then I realised I'm putting myself through displeasure for no real end.

matnewton 11y ago

These chain of thought leads to one of the most common startup ideas ever to cross VC desks - the ability to gift experiences online. (Interestingly, a Google search that I just ran for 'gift experiences' returned almost exclusively UK results. What would a US resident be searching for?)

rcfox 11y ago

> Coming over for dinner? They bring a (bad) bottle of wine that I now have to get rid of. I'm not a drinker myself, but I always assumed that people brought wine to dinners with the intention of drinking them at that dinner. Shouldn't that take care of getting rid of it?

branchless 11y ago
Often it's bad because the people I know aren't rich. That's fine, I'd rather they just brought themselves. If it's bad why spoil dinner!
- CocaKoala 11y ago
  Expensive wine is not always good, cheap wine is not always bad. One of my favourite wines is a ten bucks a bottle; it's more expensive for me now because I need to order it by the case and ship it across the country to get it, but so it goes. If somebody brings a bottle of wine to dinner, unless you specifically planned the meal to go with a specific bottle of wine (or if they specifically say that this bottle is meant to be opened at a certain time or for a certain occasion), open the bottle they brought. Otherwise, you're sending one of two messages: 1) I'm certain that this wine you brought as a gift is so bad, I don't even want to bother drinking it. 2) I'm certain that this wine you brought as a gift is so good, I don't want to share it with you at all. Neither message is a good look. If it's bad wine, open it, share the bad experience, and joke about how horrible the wine is. You've all learned something. If it's good wine, open it, share the good experience, and marvel over how great the bottle is.
  - magic_beans 11y ago
    What is this $10 wine you speak of :)
    - CocaKoala 11y ago
      Damiani Dolce Bianco, a blended table white. It's an eminently drinkable white wine, pairs well with chicken, pasta, or dishes with a citrus element. Alternatively, it's light enough that you can simply drink it on its own over the course of an evening. Drink it chilled, and I highly recommend sharing with friends. You'll have a lot of trouble finding it for sale unless you happen to live in the upstate NY area; they're a small winery in the Finger Lakes region. I visited them once when I was living in that area, and discovered later that their table white could be bought at my local Century Wine and Liquor for ten bucks. At the time, I was living with some friends and none of us were making very much money (we were all immediately post-college), and that bottle of wine was the backdrop to basically all of our social gatherings and group dinners. A couple years later, when I moved out to California, I sent the winery an email letting them know how much I had enjoyed drinking their wine with my friends, and how sad I was that I was no longer in an area where they had distribution. In response, they offered to sell me a case for ten percent off, and covered shipping as a wedding present for my upcoming wedding. It's worth noting here that while I'm presenting this story as an example of how nice the winemakers are, it should be stressed that they are not unusual in this regard! If you live in an area that has vineyards and wineries, you should go visit and do tastings! You can probably find cheap wines that you like, you can build relationships with the people who make the wines, and you will enjoy the wine even more for it. It's boatloads of fun to bring a bottle of wine to dinner with friends and say "Now, I know the folks who make this, they're especially proud of this bottle. Let me know what you think!"

mjcarroll 11y ago

With regards to the birthday gifts, we have friends that have their children choose a charity to support via donations. An example would be the local humane society, and each birthday party attendee is asked to bring something that could be donated, such as leashes, bowls, or food. Then the birthday boy/girl gets to take all of the donations to the humane society. It's a win/win. No additional clutter, and birthday boy/girl gets life experience with donation and community involvement.

stevewillows 11y ago

I haven't celebrated christmas with gifts since about the age of 12 or so. My family forces a gift or two on me each year.. and each year I return it for cash and leave the money at their house. Sometimes they notice, other times they don't. In the end, we both win. I stopped accepting / asking for gifts after I overheard them stressing about a credit card bill. It didn't make sense that they should stress so I could have something I didn't want or need. I have a small soap company on the side. I started bringing soap as a hostess gift instead of wine. It felt weird at first, but I find that most people are grateful to have a useful gift over some two-bit beach wine.