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Every time I have a birthday I am terribly worried about receiving some gift that I won't like from people who don't know me good enough but want to give me som

Every time I have a birthday I am terribly worried about receiving some gift that I won't like from people who don't know me good enough but want to give me some present. Receiving a gift that I don't like and having to avoid showing that I don't really like it is worse than receiving nothing. In fact I have enough money to buy anything I want myself, so there is really nothing I would like to receive as a gift.

Scarbutt 11y ago
In fact I have enough money to buy anything I want myself, so there is really nothing I would like to receive as a gift. That sounds like a closed mentality to me, you never know really, someone might just surprise you.
- jrs235 11y ago
  Give me the gift of recognizing my preference for no material gifts. EDIT: Or toilet paper. I'll eventually make use of and need TP.
  - Scarbutt 11y ago
    So my point was that unless you know everything about life and the universe you might not know what your preferences are (and preferences change) ;) And not all gifts are material. But sure, there's nothing wrong in not wanting anything from someone else if that is your thing.
  - magic_beans 11y ago
    I get the impression going through this gift that people don't actually know how to give gifts. I LOVE giving gifts. No, I don't go through someone's Amazon wish-list or buy them something they could buy themselves. I usually make people things, and it usually takes 2-6 months of work. I might spend a month on an embroidered pocket square, or a handmade notebook, or a handmade piece of jewelry or carving, or an elaborate 6-course meal and paired wines. If I can't dedicate at LEAST few weeks to constructing the perfect gift/experience for someone, I won't give anything at all. Better nothing than a bad gift...
  - magic_beans 11y ago
    I get the impression going through this gift that people don't actually know how to give gifts. I LOVE giving gifts. No, I don't go through someone's Amazon wish-list or buy them something they could buy themselves. I usually make people things, and it usually takes 2-6 months of work. I might spend a month on an embroidered pocket square, or a handmade notebook, or a handmade piece of jewelry or carving, or an elaborate 6-course meal and paired wines. If I can't dedicate at LEAST few weeks to constructing the perfect gift/experience for someone, I won't give anything at all. Better nothing than a bad gift...
- NhanH 11y ago
  Someone will win the lottery too, but that doesn't mean it's a good idea to buy it.
- ycmbntrthrwaway 11y ago
  Of course it is possible than someone would give me something really nice, it happens with some of my closest friends and relatives. But in the case of strangers or people I know for 1 or 2 years only the chance of a bad surprise and its consequences, such as having to pretend I like gift and worrying about questions about it some time later, outweigh. The risk is just too high.
sanderjd 11y ago
Are there any things you like that are temporary and experiential? For instance, I really like things like coffee, wine, movies, weekend ski trips, nice restaurants, etc. All of these things can be given as gifts, and better yet some of them can be enjoyed with the gift-giver (and spending quality time together is the best gift, really), but don't take up any space. I've had some success over time making it known that I really prefer these sorts of gifts. Or just nice pairs of wool socks – I wear out about 5 pairs a year, which is about the right number to receive as gifts. But people might not believe you that you love getting socks :)
- jrs235 11y ago
  So my in-laws violate my "I don't want anything" desire. EVERY Christmas they but me a new pajama set (or two). Thing is I sleep in my boxers so I have a drawer full of rarely/barely worn pajamas. (I just realized... I'm going to be donating them now and from now on unused to the Salvation Army). Don't get me wrong, I think socks are a great gift... they wear out and fresh soft fuzzy socks rock!
  - nkrisc 11y ago
    My mother in-law sends me socks once or twice a year and it's the best gift as otherwise I'll wear socks until they aren't even one piece anymore. Socks and good beer are the only gifts I normally enjoy receiving. Anything else I'll buy for myself. I'm perfectly happy to not receive gifts.
- whitegrape 11y ago
  Giving and receiving the consumable gifts is the best I think, and I'd rather give/receive cash than gift cards as the extreme version of that. I generally wouldn't consider clothing a consumable item though -- I wear socks until they have holes in them, so it surprises me that you wear out 5 pairs a year. I was successful in a "no clothes" policy for several years, but apparently I need to renew it since over the last few for my birthday and Christmas I've gotten several wool socks from more than one party that I really don't like... They don't fit my feet well (they're "appropriately sized", but don't fit well for the same reasons Nike shoes of my size don't fit well), I wear them as a last resort if I somehow run out of my clean regular white cottons that last forever. The wool ones are the first to go in the donation heap...
wang_li 11y ago
I feel much the same as you, but I recently started receiving gifts from a newly important person in my life. Some of the gifts were not things I would get for myself and weren't even on my radar. But upon receiving them and taking the time to consider the gift and try it, I have learned that gift giving can include the possibility of expanding my tastes by exposing me to things I would otherwise pass over. Reading through the linked blog entry, at first I got the impression that he just likes a minimal life. But then I started to get the impression he just doesn't want to make the effort to maintain relationships with other humans.
patja 11y ago
Why are people who do not know you well even aware of when your birthday is?
- ycmbntrthrwaway 11y ago
  They study or work with me. Some places even have lists of birthdays and all sorts of "teambuilding". Each place has its own traditions, so making your birthday an exception to default policy may require some effort.
- rcfox 11y ago
  Google likes to populate my calendar with the birthdays of anyone I've ever talked to.
  - ycmbntrthrwaway 11y ago
    We also have Facebook and similar social networks now, though I don't use them. All kinds of social networks reminded people about birthdays ever since the era of PHP forums.
fs111 11y ago
everytime I see a book I'd like to have, I just add it to my amazon wishlist and when my bday comes around and I haven't gotten it yet myself, people will get me that. This is really, really easy.

Scarbutt 11y ago

In fact I have enough money to buy anything I want myself, so there is really nothing I would like to receive as a gift. That sounds like a closed mentality to me, you never know really, someone might just surprise you.

jrs235 11y ago
Give me the gift of recognizing my preference for no material gifts. EDIT: Or toilet paper. I'll eventually make use of and need TP.
- Scarbutt 11y ago
  So my point was that unless you know everything about life and the universe you might not know what your preferences are (and preferences change) ;) And not all gifts are material. But sure, there's nothing wrong in not wanting anything from someone else if that is your thing.
- magic_beans 11y ago
  I get the impression going through this gift that people don't actually know how to give gifts. I LOVE giving gifts. No, I don't go through someone's Amazon wish-list or buy them something they could buy themselves. I usually make people things, and it usually takes 2-6 months of work. I might spend a month on an embroidered pocket square, or a handmade notebook, or a handmade piece of jewelry or carving, or an elaborate 6-course meal and paired wines. If I can't dedicate at LEAST few weeks to constructing the perfect gift/experience for someone, I won't give anything at all. Better nothing than a bad gift...
- magic_beans 11y ago
  I get the impression going through this gift that people don't actually know how to give gifts. I LOVE giving gifts. No, I don't go through someone's Amazon wish-list or buy them something they could buy themselves. I usually make people things, and it usually takes 2-6 months of work. I might spend a month on an embroidered pocket square, or a handmade notebook, or a handmade piece of jewelry or carving, or an elaborate 6-course meal and paired wines. If I can't dedicate at LEAST few weeks to constructing the perfect gift/experience for someone, I won't give anything at all. Better nothing than a bad gift...
NhanH 11y ago
Someone will win the lottery too, but that doesn't mean it's a good idea to buy it.
ycmbntrthrwaway 11y ago
Of course it is possible than someone would give me something really nice, it happens with some of my closest friends and relatives. But in the case of strangers or people I know for 1 or 2 years only the chance of a bad surprise and its consequences, such as having to pretend I like gift and worrying about questions about it some time later, outweigh. The risk is just too high.

sanderjd 11y ago

Are there any things you like that are temporary and experiential? For instance, I really like things like coffee, wine, movies, weekend ski trips, nice restaurants, etc. All of these things can be given as gifts, and better yet some of them can be enjoyed with the gift-giver (and spending quality time together is the best gift, really), but don't take up any space. I've had some success over time making it known that I really prefer these sorts of gifts. Or just nice pairs of wool socks – I wear out about 5 pairs a year, which is about the right number to receive as gifts. But people might not believe you that you love getting socks :)

jrs235 11y ago
So my in-laws violate my "I don't want anything" desire. EVERY Christmas they but me a new pajama set (or two). Thing is I sleep in my boxers so I have a drawer full of rarely/barely worn pajamas. (I just realized... I'm going to be donating them now and from now on unused to the Salvation Army). Don't get me wrong, I think socks are a great gift... they wear out and fresh soft fuzzy socks rock!
- nkrisc 11y ago
  My mother in-law sends me socks once or twice a year and it's the best gift as otherwise I'll wear socks until they aren't even one piece anymore. Socks and good beer are the only gifts I normally enjoy receiving. Anything else I'll buy for myself. I'm perfectly happy to not receive gifts.
whitegrape 11y ago
Giving and receiving the consumable gifts is the best I think, and I'd rather give/receive cash than gift cards as the extreme version of that. I generally wouldn't consider clothing a consumable item though -- I wear socks until they have holes in them, so it surprises me that you wear out 5 pairs a year. I was successful in a "no clothes" policy for several years, but apparently I need to renew it since over the last few for my birthday and Christmas I've gotten several wool socks from more than one party that I really don't like... They don't fit my feet well (they're "appropriately sized", but don't fit well for the same reasons Nike shoes of my size don't fit well), I wear them as a last resort if I somehow run out of my clean regular white cottons that last forever. The wool ones are the first to go in the donation heap...

wang_li 11y ago

I feel much the same as you, but I recently started receiving gifts from a newly important person in my life. Some of the gifts were not things I would get for myself and weren't even on my radar. But upon receiving them and taking the time to consider the gift and try it, I have learned that gift giving can include the possibility of expanding my tastes by exposing me to things I would otherwise pass over. Reading through the linked blog entry, at first I got the impression that he just likes a minimal life. But then I started to get the impression he just doesn't want to make the effort to maintain relationships with other humans.

patja 11y ago

Why are people who do not know you well even aware of when your birthday is?

ycmbntrthrwaway 11y ago
They study or work with me. Some places even have lists of birthdays and all sorts of "teambuilding". Each place has its own traditions, so making your birthday an exception to default policy may require some effort.
rcfox 11y ago
Google likes to populate my calendar with the birthdays of anyone I've ever talked to.
- ycmbntrthrwaway 11y ago
  We also have Facebook and similar social networks now, though I don't use them. All kinds of social networks reminded people about birthdays ever since the era of PHP forums.

fs111 11y ago

everytime I see a book I'd like to have, I just add it to my amazon wishlist and when my bday comes around and I haven't gotten it yet myself, people will get me that. This is really, really easy.