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I'm in similar situation. I finished MA and never really had to work hard for anything. Had IQ at around 130. Probably less now cause I had not done anything ch

I'm in similar situation. I finished MA and never really had to work hard for anything. Had IQ at around 130. Probably less now cause I had not done anything challenging for decade. I hate my job, have no achievments whatosever and I balance on doing bare minimum not to get fired. Changed job 4 times and it's definitely me. That's despite the fact that I was always going to be a programmer since I was 10, and I loved programming. I'm lazy as hell and I'm astonished every day they won't fire me. Any dreams of success in mine choosen callign are long past. I also had huge problems with social interactions, married first girl that could look past it (she has similar problems). It wasn't a good decision. My wife has even bigger problems with employement, but she declines to agree it's her fault (she changes job every year and it's always "them"). We are codependent and use each other not to be alone. We hurt each other a lot. I don't think it's love, but then I find love to be hard to define (I mostly feel "I should be feeling this" instead of actually feeling this, not only towards her). I should really leave her, cause she isn't happy with me (nor am I with her), but she has her life wasted, in some party because of me, and she depends on me at least economicaly at this point. Or maybe it's rationalization because it's more convenient to continue this. I'm addicted to internet and gaming, and I'm well aware of the fact that I'm wasting my life. I just don't care. No right to complain really, I had it better than most people, and it's entirely my fault I'm wasting it all. And yet I do, because nothing worthwhile seems achievable and vice-versa. BTW I know I sound arrogant and selfish, that's because I am. I wondered many times if maybe I'm just stupid (that would explain a lot). In the end it doesn't really matter, results matter and I don't have them. I probably could get depression diagnosed, but I don't want to cure it even if it's true, because it would mean I have to actually do sth. So my best diagnosis is "chronic laziness".

jokoon 11y ago
I'm exactly in the same type of relationship problem, except she is the one working. I'm currently trying a behavioral cognitive therapy, so far it's working a little better than whatever else I tried with psychiatrists. What is making me hold to life, is to try to do some stuff I know how to do: programming, etc at a minimal pace and scale (I have this small video game project I'm trying to do). Even though it won't solve my problems (or at least immediately), I still believe in what I do or can do, and it prevents me from giving up everything. If you have skills and like to do certain things or if you are attracted to certain things, go do them, it's not a waste of your time, even if the task seems daunting or hard. In a way, you can reason it as being some kind of possible contribution to society, and for me that's how I maintain a minimal amount of self-esteem.
- throwaway_65537 11y ago
  (Un)mployment/skills/salary is just one peculiar property of the world you live in, making too much identity out of that seems unhealthy. Frankly, the first time I recall thinking about myself in such terms was when, as a young stupid kid, I wanted to punish some kids whose envy pissed me off by deliberately bragging how great I am. So, don't treat yourself the way I did my schoolyard enemies :) To me, no matter how you think and try to rationalize your worth, the sense of worth seems to be strongly connected with empathy. You may experiment with things like making people happy just for the fun of it when you stumble upon some right opportunity for that. I think this slowly improves my relationships with some people. And I mean actually happy and actually fun - you see, others have empathy too and they know if you are sacrificing yourself for them. This may be appreciated in the short term, but not always in the long term. Sometimes you may paradoxically make them feel better by slowing down a bit, if they can handle that. These processes are slow, all you do is maintain vigilance and use opportunities as they come. It would be hard to engineer one quick action which fixes everything, humans are weird and unpredictable.
throwaway_65537 11y ago
Maybe you would find "The Game" by N. Strauss useful. Don't get too distracted by their "evolutionary science" which is 80% bullcrap, don't get too excited by their "tricks" which are straight way to maneuver yourself into position where you'll be constantly forced to lie and feel like shit for doing so. Just read their story. Let's say that it opened my mind to what kinds of insanity people do in the name of something they want to be love. I used to be badly afraid of ending in a bad relationship, but since reading this I started to notice more and more of low-level mechanics underlying such relationships and my fear of women is slowly subsiding.

jokoon 11y ago

I'm exactly in the same type of relationship problem, except she is the one working. I'm currently trying a behavioral cognitive therapy, so far it's working a little better than whatever else I tried with psychiatrists. What is making me hold to life, is to try to do some stuff I know how to do: programming, etc at a minimal pace and scale (I have this small video game project I'm trying to do). Even though it won't solve my problems (or at least immediately), I still believe in what I do or can do, and it prevents me from giving up everything. If you have skills and like to do certain things or if you are attracted to certain things, go do them, it's not a waste of your time, even if the task seems daunting or hard. In a way, you can reason it as being some kind of possible contribution to society, and for me that's how I maintain a minimal amount of self-esteem.

throwaway_65537 11y ago
(Un)mployment/skills/salary is just one peculiar property of the world you live in, making too much identity out of that seems unhealthy. Frankly, the first time I recall thinking about myself in such terms was when, as a young stupid kid, I wanted to punish some kids whose envy pissed me off by deliberately bragging how great I am. So, don't treat yourself the way I did my schoolyard enemies :) To me, no matter how you think and try to rationalize your worth, the sense of worth seems to be strongly connected with empathy. You may experiment with things like making people happy just for the fun of it when you stumble upon some right opportunity for that. I think this slowly improves my relationships with some people. And I mean actually happy and actually fun - you see, others have empathy too and they know if you are sacrificing yourself for them. This may be appreciated in the short term, but not always in the long term. Sometimes you may paradoxically make them feel better by slowing down a bit, if they can handle that. These processes are slow, all you do is maintain vigilance and use opportunities as they come. It would be hard to engineer one quick action which fixes everything, humans are weird and unpredictable.

throwaway_65537 11y ago

Maybe you would find "The Game" by N. Strauss useful. Don't get too distracted by their "evolutionary science" which is 80% bullcrap, don't get too excited by their "tricks" which are straight way to maneuver yourself into position where you'll be constantly forced to lie and feel like shit for doing so. Just read their story. Let's say that it opened my mind to what kinds of insanity people do in the name of something they want to be love. I used to be badly afraid of ending in a bad relationship, but since reading this I started to notice more and more of low-level mechanics underlying such relationships and my fear of women is slowly subsiding.