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You need a car to do what? Most commonly, to transport your body from point A to point B. You can also consider other alternatives and pick one that (you think)

by gelraen 11y ago

You need a car to do what? Most commonly, to transport your body from point A to point B. You can also consider other alternatives and pick one that (you think) works the best. I doubt that there is such a thing as "need to be in relationship", very often it is a cover for some other, deeper need, like "need to not feel alone", "need for social recognition", "need to feel secure" and so on. And unless that deeper need is realized and verbally communicated, there's a high chance that it won't be satisfied in the best possible way, if at all. Some of those needs even cannot be satisfied by another person (e.g. no one can cure your internal insecurities but yourself). It is your job, as a person, to work on realizing your actual needs. And once you do, you can ask another person to help you fulfill them. Another important difference between cars and people is that people are sentient beings with their own will and their own needs. And when people see that someone is treating them as a tool to fulfill their needs, before even getting to know them better, they are likely to avoid engaging in such activity.

bonoboTP 11y ago
> deeper need, like "need to not feel alone", "need for social recognition", "need to feel secure" and so on Why is this such a big problem? We are social animals and like to be around others. And yes, part of it is social recognition, we mostly do what's expected in our culture and don't like to be the odd ones. Many people like to boast how unique and non-conformist they are, but deep down most of us want to be accepted. You could say there's no need for career achievements either, because then you're just a workoholic. There's no need for anything in particular. I don't like this sentiment that everyone must be a rock and steel-strong independent individual who never has to rely on others/relationships/family/society and just cuts through life like a knife through butter. Most of us aren't like that and if you listen to any successful person they will tell you how much they can thank other people (spouse, family, friends) for their support and how they couldn't have achieved the things they did without that support. The totally individualist mindset is not healthy I think (for most people). Of course I don't mean you should be desperate. But people in our lives are not just "supporting actors" in our movie, but a lot more important. They shape us in many ways.
- gelraen 11y ago
  > Why is this such a big problem? These needs are not a problem. But not stating them clearly creates a problem, where you do what you think would help, but your needs are still not satisfied. > I don't like this sentiment that everyone must be a rock and steel-strong independent individual who never has to rely on others/relationships/family/society and just cuts through life like a knife through butter. I didn't say that either. The more clear and honest you are in expressing your needs to others – the more likely you to get them fulfilled. But for that you often need to do some work first; you can't rely on others to know your needs better then you.

by gelraen 11y ago

bonoboTP 11y ago

> deeper need, like "need to not feel alone", "need for social recognition", "need to feel secure" and so on Why is this such a big problem? We are social animals and like to be around others. And yes, part of it is social recognition, we mostly do what's expected in our culture and don't like to be the odd ones. Many people like to boast how unique and non-conformist they are, but deep down most of us want to be accepted. You could say there's no need for career achievements either, because then you're just a workoholic. There's no need for anything in particular. I don't like this sentiment that everyone must be a rock and steel-strong independent individual who never has to rely on others/relationships/family/society and just cuts through life like a knife through butter. Most of us aren't like that and if you listen to any successful person they will tell you how much they can thank other people (spouse, family, friends) for their support and how they couldn't have achieved the things they did without that support. The totally individualist mindset is not healthy I think (for most people). Of course I don't mean you should be desperate. But people in our lives are not just "supporting actors" in our movie, but a lot more important. They shape us in many ways.

gelraen 11y ago
> Why is this such a big problem? These needs are not a problem. But not stating them clearly creates a problem, where you do what you think would help, but your needs are still not satisfied. > I don't like this sentiment that everyone must be a rock and steel-strong independent individual who never has to rely on others/relationships/family/society and just cuts through life like a knife through butter. I didn't say that either. The more clear and honest you are in expressing your needs to others – the more likely you to get them fulfilled. But for that you often need to do some work first; you can't rely on others to know your needs better then you.