4 ms·

If your attraction to someone is determined by whether they have a 1 minute or 10 minute response time, then maybe you should reexamine your priorities.

• golemotron 11y ago
  You're assuming that attraction is rational and a matter of choice. Think about it. Isn't the world is wonderful because it isn't?
  • pm90 11y ago
    That is a rather profound observation. Perhaps the Geek subculture's disdain of the principles of social interaction is because we often try to make sense of it rationally.
    • golemotron 11y ago
      I think that's true. But we're at the tip of a large iceberg. In general people want to believe that they are in control of their emotions and choices, and that they are rational. The more you learn about psychology and neurology the more you realize how much of a conceit that is. It changes your perspective dramatically. Read about Libet's experiments, sales techniques, anchoring, all that. Or meditate for a while and see what it does to your perception of yourself. We want to believe we're the bit of ourselves that tells ourselves what we are doing and what we will do, but we're all the rest of the wiring too and not a lot of that is fully under our control.
      • Strom 11y ago
        A good example of no control is addiction. A person can do something that they're addictied to, while their rational brain is yelling "no! no! no!" at the same time, perhaps even vocalizing it, but you still perform the addictive action. The more clever individuals may overcome this by planning their defense way ahead, e.g. by completely changing their environment or using other tricks to manipulate their more automatic brain parts. However most people seem to need external help with overcoming addiction, even if they're aware of the problem and want to solve it.
  • gelraen 11y ago
    Attraction sometimes is not a matter of choice, but actions are. You can decide to continue communication with someone or not. You're not a slave of your attraction.
    • golemotron 11y ago
      Sometimes it's nice to be, right?
      • gelraen 11y ago
        Nope. Attraction is a nice thing to feel, but it's generally more satisfying if you act on it with conscious choice and not feel "forced" to do something just because you feel a certain way.
        • the_af 11y ago
          I don't think that's how attraction works :( Maybe building a stable, committed relationship -- something that not all people want, by the way, and that's ok -- is an exercise in restraint and rationality, but immediate attraction and hookups? It works irrationally almost by definition.
          • gelraen 11y ago
            My point is not about how attraction works, it's about what people do about it. You can feel attraction and decide to act on it almost instantly, but that's still your choice and you are responsible for what you do. But if you feel that attraction is "making you do something" against your will, when you realize negative consequences of your actions – that's definition of addiction.
            • the_af 11y ago
              What I'm arguing is that attraction bypasses the mechanisms of will and rational decision. We are not logical robots. Most of us do not "decide" to like another person. Falling in love or feeling sexually attracted to someone are irrational things by definition. You do not decide to do it. You cannot force yourself to feel attracted to someone because they "play fair", either. Because of (reasonable) society norms, you cannot simply engage with everyone you're sexually attracted to -- it's not ok to harass fellow coworkers, or someone else's partner, etc. But the core of it is irrational. You cannot impose rational rules like "I'll pay more attention to people who text me back immediately or who are more considerate of other people, or who I agree with on serious issues, even though what I'd really like is to call X and do the naughty all night long".