6 ms·

Osborne’s National Spider Plan – Replacing “cyber” with “spider” in a gov speech

104 points by rmc 11y ago

daveguy 11y ago
You know what stops spider attacks better than anything? Boots on the ground. Squish.
- deleted 11y ago
  [deleted]
- DonHopkins 11y ago
  "There's an app for that!" ;) Pantomime Bug Squish: https://vimeo.com/145017503 https://vimeo.com/145017503 Growing Giant Bugs: https://vimeo.com/144954809 https://vimeo.com/144954809
rjknight 11y ago
The spiders are not insects, but in a war they will side with the insects. Traitors, traitors, spider traitors - they'll betray us and they'll make us human slaves, in an insect nation!
- bitwize 11y ago
  I, for one, welcome... oh, never mind.
mtgx 11y ago
Does the speech address spidersex, too?
- Rotten194 11y ago
  What two adult spiders do consensually in the privacy of their own web isn't any of our business.
  - mtgx 11y ago
    Tell that to GCHQ and its new spider plan!
    - spacecowboy_lon 11y ago
      Followed up by outraged editorials in the Daily Mail when the BBC dramatizes it in a couple of years
- Roboprog 11y ago
  Hmm. There ought to be a "Deepness in the Sky" joke in here, somewhere. Perhaps somebody remembers the appropriate details? I'm sure there's an appropriate time and place for spidersex, as long as it doesn't impact our cold war...
  - zardo 11y ago
    >I'm sure there's an appropriate time and place for spidersex. In the deep places, as the atmosphere snows down in the cold above.
  - DonHopkins 11y ago
    Gokna noticed, too. "Poor babies. They're the only ones she can scare. Watch! I'm gonna Give Ten to the Honored Pedure." She turned away from the window and ran to the side wall—and then up the rack of audio tapes. The girls were seven years old, much too big for acrobatics. Oops. The rack was freestanding. It swayed out from the wall, tapes and assorted junk sliding to the edge of each shelf. Gokna reached the top before anyone but Viki realized what was happening. And from there she leaped out, grabbing the top molding of the soundstage window. The rest of her body swung down against the glass with a solid splat sound. For an instant, she was a perfect Ten splayed out across the window. On the far side of the glass, Pedure stared in stupefied shock. The two girls shrieked with laughter. It wasn't often you could give such a perfect Ten, flaring your underwear in the target's face.
    - Roboprog 11y ago
      It's not every day you can "BA" an upstanding public figure :-) Guess it helps if your parents are the alien equivalents of say a "Tesla" (quirky scientist/inventor) and (a big black widow version of) a "Doolittle" (general promoting modern warfare tactics).
- mmanfrin 11y ago
  age? / spider? / location?
akerro 11y ago
>that right now GCHQ is monitoring spider threats from high end adversaries against 450 companies across the aerospace, defence, energy, water, finance, transport and telecoms sectors. Soo... German Samsung, Boeing, Iranian power plants, Gemalto?
JDeArte 11y ago
Now all I can think of is Futurama's Zapp Brannigan declaring war on Tarantulon 6 against the Spidarians http://futurama.wikia.com/wiki/Tarantulon_6 http://futurama.wikia.com/wiki/Tarantulon_6
jerf 11y ago
"And so inspired by Jennie Rigg’s brilliant tweet, here are extracts from George Osborne’s speech today, with “cyber” replaced with “spider”. And it makes just as much sense." No it doesn't. That's crazy. "Spiderspace"? The term "cyberspace" may be prone to abuse but it does mean something. "Cyber security" means something real. "Cyber-age" means something real. I'd prefer "computer" for the latter two, but it doesn't change the fact that "computer/cyber security" is a real problem. Nobody's going to hack into a spider and break all your grid electrical generators by over-revving them. This is clearly just "I don't like X therefore all negative claims about X must be true". The claim that this speech makes just as much sense is so transparently ludicrous I can't imagine where else it comes from.
- Roboprog 11y ago
  Like most political speeches, it's lacking details. Replacing the threat name is funny because the vagueness still fits.
  - Roboprog 11y ago
    I'm surprised this comment was upvoted. I considered it a "PSA from Captain Obvious"
  - jerf 11y ago
    It would be far more effective to replace it with "public transportation" or something... except then it would be far more obvious that it doesn't work. Yes, it's a political speech, but no, it's not that vague.
- spacecowboy_lon 11y ago
  Exactly I suspect that Jack came late to computers and like all new enthusiasts get caught up in terminology. Cyber is a trendy cliche but its a useful shorthand to the problem area.
- wdmeldon 11y ago
  You're clearly just not living in the spider-age like the rest of us.
Roboprog 11y ago
I am reminded of a scene at the end of the Sci Fi novel "The Mote in God's Eye" (note: title describes appearance of a local asterism - the book is a "first contact" type story). The alien ambassadors come back to meet the human politicians who throw a parade and start speechifying. The boss alien asks the translator minions "What is he saying?", to which they respond ... "but he has said nothing!" "Then you shall respond in kind."
- oxryly1 11y ago
  Or like in the movie "Wing of Honneamise", a character goes to meet with officials and speaks for awhile in the standard language. One of the officials says, aside, to him "you can switch to vernacular if you like". The character responds, "oh, well in in that case I'm done speaking."
mtgx 11y ago
Joking aside, I think it's a fundamental problem to allow secret spy agencies to be in charge of a country's digital security. A cybersecurity agency should be easily reviewed for abuses. That's not possible with a spy agency. Not to mention the whole conflict of interest between offense and defense. How many times will the GCHQ decide to let some defenses compromised in order for it to maintain its offensive capability? That's an unacceptable conflict of interest.
- spacecowboy_lon 11y ago
  You woudl rather a bunch of ex plods (ones who had to take medical retirement nudge nudge) who will sell juicey bits to their News international mates down the pub. I know the type, met some of them British telecom when they tried to kibosh the internet as just some fad the "girls " in marketing where keen on. Or Would you rather put Talk Talk in charge as they have done so well.
- saalweachter 11y ago
  I wouldn't mind if spy agencies were reviewed for abuses as well.
mokus 11y ago
"cyber to spider" would be a fun new addition to the "cloud to butt" browser extension.
- Karunamon 11y ago
  Chrome has "Word Replacer 2" that lets you define your own replacements. This one is definitely going into rotation now...
rootbear 11y ago
This is hilarious. I dislike how the word cyber has been used for things far from its original meaning. But I'm not sure I like "computer attack" any better than "cyber attack". Information ware fare? Offensive data war? But this also makes me want to name some cyber security app "Shelob".

104 points by rmc 11y ago

daveguy 11y ago

You know what stops spider attacks better than anything? Boots on the ground. Squish.

deleted 11y ago
[deleted]
DonHopkins 11y ago
"There's an app for that!" ;) Pantomime Bug Squish: https://vimeo.com/145017503 https://vimeo.com/145017503 Growing Giant Bugs: https://vimeo.com/144954809 https://vimeo.com/144954809

rjknight 11y ago

The spiders are not insects, but in a war they will side with the insects. Traitors, traitors, spider traitors - they'll betray us and they'll make us human slaves, in an insect nation!

bitwize 11y ago
I, for one, welcome... oh, never mind.

mtgx 11y ago

Does the speech address spidersex, too?

Rotten194 11y ago
What two adult spiders do consensually in the privacy of their own web isn't any of our business.
- mtgx 11y ago
  Tell that to GCHQ and its new spider plan!
  - spacecowboy_lon 11y ago
    Followed up by outraged editorials in the Daily Mail when the BBC dramatizes it in a couple of years
Roboprog 11y ago
Hmm. There ought to be a "Deepness in the Sky" joke in here, somewhere. Perhaps somebody remembers the appropriate details? I'm sure there's an appropriate time and place for spidersex, as long as it doesn't impact our cold war...
- zardo 11y ago
  >I'm sure there's an appropriate time and place for spidersex. In the deep places, as the atmosphere snows down in the cold above.
- DonHopkins 11y ago
  Gokna noticed, too. "Poor babies. They're the only ones she can scare. Watch! I'm gonna Give Ten to the Honored Pedure." She turned away from the window and ran to the side wall—and then up the rack of audio tapes. The girls were seven years old, much too big for acrobatics. Oops. The rack was freestanding. It swayed out from the wall, tapes and assorted junk sliding to the edge of each shelf. Gokna reached the top before anyone but Viki realized what was happening. And from there she leaped out, grabbing the top molding of the soundstage window. The rest of her body swung down against the glass with a solid splat sound. For an instant, she was a perfect Ten splayed out across the window. On the far side of the glass, Pedure stared in stupefied shock. The two girls shrieked with laughter. It wasn't often you could give such a perfect Ten, flaring your underwear in the target's face.
  - Roboprog 11y ago
    It's not every day you can "BA" an upstanding public figure :-) Guess it helps if your parents are the alien equivalents of say a "Tesla" (quirky scientist/inventor) and (a big black widow version of) a "Doolittle" (general promoting modern warfare tactics).
mmanfrin 11y ago
age? / spider? / location?

akerro 11y ago

>that right now GCHQ is monitoring spider threats from high end adversaries against 450 companies across the aerospace, defence, energy, water, finance, transport and telecoms sectors. Soo... German Samsung, Boeing, Iranian power plants, Gemalto?

JDeArte 11y ago

Now all I can think of is Futurama's Zapp Brannigan declaring war on Tarantulon 6 against the Spidarians http://futurama.wikia.com/wiki/Tarantulon_6 http://futurama.wikia.com/wiki/Tarantulon_6

jerf 11y ago

"And so inspired by Jennie Rigg’s brilliant tweet, here are extracts from George Osborne’s speech today, with “cyber” replaced with “spider”. And it makes just as much sense." No it doesn't. That's crazy. "Spiderspace"? The term "cyberspace" may be prone to abuse but it does mean something. "Cyber security" means something real. "Cyber-age" means something real. I'd prefer "computer" for the latter two, but it doesn't change the fact that "computer/cyber security" is a real problem. Nobody's going to hack into a spider and break all your grid electrical generators by over-revving them. This is clearly just "I don't like X therefore all negative claims about X must be true". The claim that this speech makes just as much sense is so transparently ludicrous I can't imagine where else it comes from.

Roboprog 11y ago
Like most political speeches, it's lacking details. Replacing the threat name is funny because the vagueness still fits.
- Roboprog 11y ago
  I'm surprised this comment was upvoted. I considered it a "PSA from Captain Obvious"
- jerf 11y ago
  It would be far more effective to replace it with "public transportation" or something... except then it would be far more obvious that it doesn't work. Yes, it's a political speech, but no, it's not that vague.
spacecowboy_lon 11y ago
Exactly I suspect that Jack came late to computers and like all new enthusiasts get caught up in terminology. Cyber is a trendy cliche but its a useful shorthand to the problem area.
wdmeldon 11y ago
You're clearly just not living in the spider-age like the rest of us.

Roboprog 11y ago

I am reminded of a scene at the end of the Sci Fi novel "The Mote in God's Eye" (note: title describes appearance of a local asterism - the book is a "first contact" type story). The alien ambassadors come back to meet the human politicians who throw a parade and start speechifying. The boss alien asks the translator minions "What is he saying?", to which they respond ... "but he has said nothing!" "Then you shall respond in kind."

oxryly1 11y ago
Or like in the movie "Wing of Honneamise", a character goes to meet with officials and speaks for awhile in the standard language. One of the officials says, aside, to him "you can switch to vernacular if you like". The character responds, "oh, well in in that case I'm done speaking."

mtgx 11y ago

Joking aside, I think it's a fundamental problem to allow secret spy agencies to be in charge of a country's digital security. A cybersecurity agency should be easily reviewed for abuses. That's not possible with a spy agency. Not to mention the whole conflict of interest between offense and defense. How many times will the GCHQ decide to let some defenses compromised in order for it to maintain its offensive capability? That's an unacceptable conflict of interest.

spacecowboy_lon 11y ago
You woudl rather a bunch of ex plods (ones who had to take medical retirement nudge nudge) who will sell juicey bits to their News international mates down the pub. I know the type, met some of them British telecom when they tried to kibosh the internet as just some fad the "girls " in marketing where keen on. Or Would you rather put Talk Talk in charge as they have done so well.
saalweachter 11y ago
I wouldn't mind if spy agencies were reviewed for abuses as well.

mokus 11y ago

"cyber to spider" would be a fun new addition to the "cloud to butt" browser extension.

Karunamon 11y ago
Chrome has "Word Replacer 2" that lets you define your own replacements. This one is definitely going into rotation now...

rootbear 11y ago

This is hilarious. I dislike how the word cyber has been used for things far from its original meaning. But I'm not sure I like "computer attack" any better than "cyber attack". Information ware fare? Offensive data war? But this also makes me want to name some cyber security app "Shelob".