4 ms·

I’m Too Old for This

122 points by kareemm 11y ago

falcolas 11y ago
This made me smile and laugh. And I have to agree, it's amazing what a little bit of resilience and the ability to see the "same old crap" coming can do for you.
kendallpark 11y ago
Love this. > Only when you hit 60 can you begin to say, with great aplomb: “I’m too old for this.” But you definitely don't need to wait until sixty. :)
- sixQuarks 11y ago
  I'm already saying that, and I'm not even 40 yet.
  - evook 11y ago
    I am not even 25 and joined the club already. People tend to forget the concept of circulation.
    - lotharbot 11y ago
      I'm 35 and have an established reputation as a curmudgeon. When people my age were first getting cell phones, I kept a landline. I eventually came around -- now I have a flip phone ;) It might help that I'm from a religious tradition closely affiliated with the Amish (Mennonite), and have developed a mentality of being intentional about both adopting new technology and how I use it once I have it. Likewise with social trends -- there are certain sports I enjoy and therefore watch quite a bit, but I have no idea what clothing or TV shows are "hot" this year.
  - kendallpark 11y ago
    I'm 25 and I already feel this way about a lot of things.
julian_t 11y ago
> Only when you hit 60 can you begin to say, with great aplomb: “I’m too old for this.” Hmmm... for me, that'll be in just under a month, then ;-)
- why-el 11y ago
  Happy 60th birthday then. :)
plg 11y ago
A secret of happiness : you don't have to wait until you're 60
- mooreds 11y ago
  I agree! As I read this I kept thinking--she was saying exactly how I feel. I'm too old to: * follow the latest fashion fads * deal with BS in relationships * not pursue what I find interesting, instead of what others find interesting * etc. It doesn't matter what age you are, having the attitude that you are "too old" to put up with "it" will make your life better.
- nether 11y ago
  Indeed, most HNers have been saying this since they were 14.
woohoo7676 11y ago
Insightful article. I'm only halfway to 60, so I still do a lot of the worrying and mistakes the author mentioned, but even looking back on my 20's there's some situations where I now think "I'm too old for this." Avoiding some of the storms definitely feels nice.
forloop 11y ago
I've come to my own realisation: if I never read the NYTs again, I'll be net better off.
nickbauman 11y ago
Yup. Ruminating is probably the fastest way to arrive at depression. Make a concerted analysis, fine, but then move on.
carsongross 11y ago
Profound. But not in the way the author intends.
dctoedt 11y ago
I'm 60. Of course it'd be great to have my 21-year-old body and brain back (assuming I could keep all my experiences and learnings). And I'd love to be around to see what life will be like 50-80 years in the future, which I know is unlikely to happen. Otherwise, though, I wouldn't trade. I'm fortunate to be very healthy, and life is better now than it's ever been. (I know, not everyone can say that --- as I say, I've been fortunate.)
- jqm 11y ago
  I'd like my body and brain from around 28 back. In my particular case at 21, I don't think they hadn't quite finished growing up yet.
greghendershott 11y ago
I've heard a similar idea expressed using more colorful language: "Often you hear people say they have a 'bucket list'. Well I also have a 'fuck it' list. The older I get, the longer it grows."
- redcalx 11y ago
  I think that's likely a 'healthier' approach - i.e. to be at ease with where you are in life an not feel like there's a set of things you need to do to make life worthwhile. There's a similarity there with the Buddhist approach to desire or 'thirst' for experiences - i.e. to some extent they can't satiated because satiating one gives rise to another, that seems to be how the human brain is wired. It's the same with wealth, i.e. no matter how much people have they generally want more.
ExpiredLink 11y ago
I'm not over 60 but I'm too old for Scrum. Can anyone over 30 take that Scrum kindergarten serious?
- redcalx 11y ago
  I don't think it's for the type of person that reads HN. I recently asked what a spike was and what the word relates to. I didn't get a clear answer i.e. I don't think anyone properly understood what it meant. I later did some digging - it's basically research. Quite why we have to invent a new word when there's a perfectly good one already I don't know.
  - jleader 11y ago
    I suspect too many people would interpret "research" as (their view of) academic research: no definite goal, no time limit, no constraints. A spike is supposed to be a time-limited investigation of something specific. After that time, either you learned enough to go ahead with implementation, or you didn't, and you have to decide what to do instead. FWIW, I've worked at a few places that used Scrum (my current employer uses less formal processes), and I and some of my co-workers also read HN. I guess I don't know if we're "the type of person that reads HN", though, whatever that is.
- nawitus 11y ago
  "Scrum" means a large number of different things. Many of them can be taken seriously, some cannot.
Xcelerate 11y ago
I generally try to abstain from criticizing articles too much, but this one bothers me a little bit — mainly because it is one among many of the numerous articles and blog posts popping up nowadays that advocate for the same general behavior: "focus on yourself". I felt uncomfortable after I finished reading this and looked up some of the author's other work. See the reviews of her most recent book here: http://www.amazon.com/Slow-Love-Pajamas-Found-Happiness-ebook/product-reviews/B0052RGBW2 http://www.amazon.com/Slow-Love-Pajamas-Found-Happiness-eboo... In addition to having nominating her own work for national awards, there's an odd discrepancy between the generally positive distribution of ratings and the sheer number of upvotes on the lowest rated reviews as sorted by "Most Helpful". I feel that articles that encourage people to have higher self-esteem and more self-confidence are, generally speaking, a good thing; however, the problem starts occurring when the focus is entirely on yourself. I feel like this theme of "be good to yourself; you deserve it", "sorry not sorry", and "you don't need anyone else to make you happy" falls only on the ears of those who are already far too absorbed in themselves. It's peculiar because (at least in my experience), I've found that the people who actually need to read articles like this are those who already give too much of themselves to other people, yet secretly wonder if they are too selfish. Whereas those who are too selfish read these articles and think, "Hey that's me! I need to quit letting other people walk all over me. I need to care about myself more", when in reality they need to move in the other direction and care less about themselves.
- dizzystar 11y ago
  I didn't read it like this at all. I read it as: the older you get the more you realize that the things that were important to you when you were younger weren't that important after all. The older I get, the more I realize how silly many things are. There are ideals I'd tell you I would die for at 20. At 35, I don't even remember what those ideals are. It is so much easier to forgive and let things go later in life. That's my take on the article anyways.
  - matwood 11y ago
    > The older I get, the more I realize how silly many things are. This is the #1 thing I would go back and tell my teenage self if possible. Without my other experiences, I'm not sure my teenage self would listen though.
redcalx 11y ago
"By now I’ve learned, the very hard way, that what you see in someone at the beginning is what you get forevermore." I've heard this a few times over the years. Slowly I'm beginning to learn this first hand, from observing others but also myself.
rayiner 11y ago
A lot of the advice in this article comes down to having perspective. E.g. I don't think the author misjudged her looks when she was younger--she just realized now that she's older it never mattered as much as she thought. Getting married and having a kid was liberating for me in that regard. My desire to impress people who didn't matter or come across as cool and not derpy went almost to nil.
EugeneOZ 11y ago
No, old grumpy woman, you should care how you look. And fat body is a problem too, not only in terms of "look", but in terms of health. Athletic body is the aim - not fat and not anorexic. And "just be yourself" it's not an excuse, it's just laziness. You just too lazy for this. I know you will downvote it and I don't care :) I more care about young people who allow themselves to be fat or ugly because of "be yourself" mantra. You will NEVER return these golden years, don't miss it - make your body beautiful (athletic) and enjoy it.
- dasil003 11y ago
  Hm, she doesn't seem grumpy but you sure do.
Joeboy 11y ago
> Take a pass on bad manners, on thoughtlessness, on unreliability, on carelessness and on all the other ways people distinguish themselves as unappealing specimens. I've also moved in that direction as I've got older, but I think it's because I've also got wealthier and gained more options. If I still had to choose between sharing my kitchen with thoughtless people and living in a ditch, I would still choose the former.

122 points by kareemm 11y ago

This made me smile and laugh. And I have to agree, it's amazing what a little bit of resilience and the ability to see the "same old crap" coming can do for you.

kendallpark 11y ago

Love this. > Only when you hit 60 can you begin to say, with great aplomb: “I’m too old for this.” But you definitely don't need to wait until sixty. :)

sixQuarks 11y ago
I'm already saying that, and I'm not even 40 yet.
- evook 11y ago
  I am not even 25 and joined the club already. People tend to forget the concept of circulation.
  - lotharbot 11y ago
    I'm 35 and have an established reputation as a curmudgeon. When people my age were first getting cell phones, I kept a landline. I eventually came around -- now I have a flip phone ;) It might help that I'm from a religious tradition closely affiliated with the Amish (Mennonite), and have developed a mentality of being intentional about both adopting new technology and how I use it once I have it. Likewise with social trends -- there are certain sports I enjoy and therefore watch quite a bit, but I have no idea what clothing or TV shows are "hot" this year.
- kendallpark 11y ago
  I'm 25 and I already feel this way about a lot of things.

julian_t 11y ago

> Only when you hit 60 can you begin to say, with great aplomb: “I’m too old for this.” Hmmm... for me, that'll be in just under a month, then ;-)

why-el 11y ago
Happy 60th birthday then. :)

plg 11y ago

A secret of happiness : you don't have to wait until you're 60

mooreds 11y ago
I agree! As I read this I kept thinking--she was saying exactly how I feel. I'm too old to: * follow the latest fashion fads * deal with BS in relationships * not pursue what I find interesting, instead of what others find interesting * etc. It doesn't matter what age you are, having the attitude that you are "too old" to put up with "it" will make your life better.
nether 11y ago
Indeed, most HNers have been saying this since they were 14.

woohoo7676 11y ago

Insightful article. I'm only halfway to 60, so I still do a lot of the worrying and mistakes the author mentioned, but even looking back on my 20's there's some situations where I now think "I'm too old for this." Avoiding some of the storms definitely feels nice.

forloop 11y ago

I've come to my own realisation: if I never read the NYTs again, I'll be net better off.

nickbauman 11y ago

Yup. Ruminating is probably the fastest way to arrive at depression. Make a concerted analysis, fine, but then move on.

carsongross 11y ago

Profound. But not in the way the author intends.

dctoedt 11y ago

I'm 60. Of course it'd be great to have my 21-year-old body and brain back (assuming I could keep all my experiences and learnings). And I'd love to be around to see what life will be like 50-80 years in the future, which I know is unlikely to happen. Otherwise, though, I wouldn't trade. I'm fortunate to be very healthy, and life is better now than it's ever been. (I know, not everyone can say that --- as I say, I've been fortunate.)

jqm 11y ago
I'd like my body and brain from around 28 back. In my particular case at 21, I don't think they hadn't quite finished growing up yet.

greghendershott 11y ago

I've heard a similar idea expressed using more colorful language: "Often you hear people say they have a 'bucket list'. Well I also have a 'fuck it' list. The older I get, the longer it grows."

redcalx 11y ago
I think that's likely a 'healthier' approach - i.e. to be at ease with where you are in life an not feel like there's a set of things you need to do to make life worthwhile. There's a similarity there with the Buddhist approach to desire or 'thirst' for experiences - i.e. to some extent they can't satiated because satiating one gives rise to another, that seems to be how the human brain is wired. It's the same with wealth, i.e. no matter how much people have they generally want more.

ExpiredLink 11y ago

I'm not over 60 but I'm too old for Scrum. Can anyone over 30 take that Scrum kindergarten serious?

redcalx 11y ago
I don't think it's for the type of person that reads HN. I recently asked what a spike was and what the word relates to. I didn't get a clear answer i.e. I don't think anyone properly understood what it meant. I later did some digging - it's basically research. Quite why we have to invent a new word when there's a perfectly good one already I don't know.
- jleader 11y ago
  I suspect too many people would interpret "research" as (their view of) academic research: no definite goal, no time limit, no constraints. A spike is supposed to be a time-limited investigation of something specific. After that time, either you learned enough to go ahead with implementation, or you didn't, and you have to decide what to do instead. FWIW, I've worked at a few places that used Scrum (my current employer uses less formal processes), and I and some of my co-workers also read HN. I guess I don't know if we're "the type of person that reads HN", though, whatever that is.
nawitus 11y ago
"Scrum" means a large number of different things. Many of them can be taken seriously, some cannot.

Xcelerate 11y ago

I generally try to abstain from criticizing articles too much, but this one bothers me a little bit — mainly because it is one among many of the numerous articles and blog posts popping up nowadays that advocate for the same general behavior: "focus on yourself". I felt uncomfortable after I finished reading this and looked up some of the author's other work. See the reviews of her most recent book here: http://www.amazon.com/Slow-Love-Pajamas-Found-Happiness-ebook/product-reviews/B0052RGBW2 http://www.amazon.com/Slow-Love-Pajamas-Found-Happiness-eboo... In addition to having nominating her own work for national awards, there's an odd discrepancy between the generally positive distribution of ratings and the sheer number of upvotes on the lowest rated reviews as sorted by "Most Helpful". I feel that articles that encourage people to have higher self-esteem and more self-confidence are, generally speaking, a good thing; however, the problem starts occurring when the focus is entirely on yourself. I feel like this theme of "be good to yourself; you deserve it", "sorry not sorry", and "you don't need anyone else to make you happy" falls only on the ears of those who are already far too absorbed in themselves. It's peculiar because (at least in my experience), I've found that the people who actually need to read articles like this are those who already give too much of themselves to other people, yet secretly wonder if they are too selfish. Whereas those who are too selfish read these articles and think, "Hey that's me! I need to quit letting other people walk all over me. I need to care about myself more", when in reality they need to move in the other direction and care less about themselves.

dizzystar 11y ago
I didn't read it like this at all. I read it as: the older you get the more you realize that the things that were important to you when you were younger weren't that important after all. The older I get, the more I realize how silly many things are. There are ideals I'd tell you I would die for at 20. At 35, I don't even remember what those ideals are. It is so much easier to forgive and let things go later in life. That's my take on the article anyways.
- matwood 11y ago
  > The older I get, the more I realize how silly many things are. This is the #1 thing I would go back and tell my teenage self if possible. Without my other experiences, I'm not sure my teenage self would listen though.

redcalx 11y ago

"By now I’ve learned, the very hard way, that what you see in someone at the beginning is what you get forevermore." I've heard this a few times over the years. Slowly I'm beginning to learn this first hand, from observing others but also myself.

rayiner 11y ago

A lot of the advice in this article comes down to having perspective. E.g. I don't think the author misjudged her looks when she was younger--she just realized now that she's older it never mattered as much as she thought. Getting married and having a kid was liberating for me in that regard. My desire to impress people who didn't matter or come across as cool and not derpy went almost to nil.

EugeneOZ 11y ago

No, old grumpy woman, you should care how you look. And fat body is a problem too, not only in terms of "look", but in terms of health. Athletic body is the aim - not fat and not anorexic. And "just be yourself" it's not an excuse, it's just laziness. You just too lazy for this. I know you will downvote it and I don't care :) I more care about young people who allow themselves to be fat or ugly because of "be yourself" mantra. You will NEVER return these golden years, don't miss it - make your body beautiful (athletic) and enjoy it.

dasil003 11y ago
Hm, she doesn't seem grumpy but you sure do.

Joeboy 11y ago

> Take a pass on bad manners, on thoughtlessness, on unreliability, on carelessness and on all the other ways people distinguish themselves as unappealing specimens. I've also moved in that direction as I've got older, but I think it's because I've also got wealthier and gained more options. If I still had to choose between sharing my kitchen with thoughtless people and living in a ditch, I would still choose the former.