I am not sure what the situation is like in Europe, but (coming from the US) I think that your conception of what the life of an academic is like is probably ti

I am not sure what the situation is like in Europe, but (coming from the US) I think that your conception of what the life of an academic is like is probably tinted by rose-colored glasses. At a good university, you will be expected to serve on numerous soul-sucking committees, your students will be sucking up to you so that you will hook them up with good recommendations and/or good jobs (and you better deliver), and your dean will be riding your ass to get grants, publish, and get rated highly on poorly designed course surveys. At a less-than-good university, you will still have the course survey problems, but you will largely have a student body that is best described as apathetic and untalented (there will be a few good students, but they will be the exception rather than the rule). You will also have a larger teaching load. Good luck getting a good research grant -- I hope you have a great professional network. Expect your research to be reviewed a bit more strictly, because no respectable journal wants to publish an also-ran. Now that the reality check is complete, let me make some pro-active suggestions: - If you are any good at all at ML, there are many organizations with interesting problems who will snap you up in two seconds flat. You just need to be good at ML and have a way to demonstrate that. - As far as learning goes, find the people you want to work with and figure out a way to work with them. There are a handful of researchers who have a surplus of talented people who want to work with them, but most researchers are starved to find people who are both talented and passionate about their subject. If you can be that person, they will find a way to make it work. It might be on a grant, it might be as a grad student, it might be something else -- just roll with it. - If you can't make Coursera work for you, then I truly wonder about your motivation. What do you think you will get from a "proper degree program"? Most of your professors (at good universities, at least) will not want to hold your hand -- quite the contrary. From my perspective, the best grad students go to professors for suggested readings and to answer questions when they come to a (relatively rare) road block in their autonomous learning. Outside of that, peer networks are peer networks. I think this is enough for now -- feel free to ask follow-up questions. As a side note, I get the sense that some of your issues/challenges are being fed from the psychological side (e.g., what does it take for you to be "satisfied"). I suggest you talk to a professional if possible. The road to self-actualization is often riddled with potholes.