4 ms·

A couple of years ago I was in a waiting room at a medical clinic. There was a family of three there, a man, a woman, and (I presume) their daughter. The daug

A couple of years ago I was in a waiting room at a medical clinic. There was a family of three there, a man, a woman, and (I presume) their daughter. The daughter was approaching teenage; she must have been 12 or 13 -- so, not a young child. I was struck by how casually affectionate she was with her father, even at that age sitting on his lap and being held. It was enough to make me wonder if something untoward was going on between them, but I'd be the first to agree that my having that thought says more about me than about them. Really there wasn't anything in their manner that suggested anything except that they loved each other. I don't know if I could be as un-self-conscious with a daughter, at that age, in public. And that troubles me. Good for you for not letting the SJWs get to you.

jacquesm 11y ago
I still hug my son, he's 21. Wonder what people make of that, though he doesn't sit in my lap. (Though I could probably sit in his, he's easily a head taller than I am.)
- hyperpape 11y ago
  I feel like the answer is "nothing". My wife and I were talking about the parent's example of a 12 year old girl sitting in her dad's lap. I come from a warm, but relatively reserved, family and found it a bit weird. My wife comes from a very openly affectionate family and didn't. But from the reserved side of the exchange, I definitely tend hug my dad when I greet him or leave.
- brudgers 11y ago
  Clearly, you are doing things right.
ScottBurson 11y ago
Downvotes??? ... Oh, I see, it's because I followed the parent in using the abbreviation "SJW". It's not one I normally use; I will avoid it in future. However. I have read in the news about parents being arrested for allowing their children -- 9- and 10-year-olds, not young children -- to play unsupervised, or (in one case) to hang out at a mall while their parent was at a job interview there, for what some busybody thought was too long. 50 years ago, one could never have imagined the police being called -- or if they had been called, actually arresting the parent -- in such a situation. Whatever label one puts on it, there has been a change in American culture that I think is not entirely salutary. Protecting children is important, but people are jumping to conclusions that are not actually warranted by the facts and nuances of the situation.
- jacquesm 11y ago
  In Canada we were warned not to leave our kid (9 years old) unsupervised at the house because it would be considered abandonment. I'm so lucky I didn't grow up in a place like that. By the time we were 6 and 4 my sister and I would take care of ourselves until mom came home from work. This included getting dressed, going to school, going back in the aftenoon. I don't remember a time when I didn't have a key to the house to let myself in when there was nobody home.
  - DanBC 11y ago
    You don't recognise the survivor bias? You don't think that leaving a six year old in charge of a four year old is irresponsible and dangerous? Ideally the "rule" is a guideline, and is only ever used as part of a package of information to protect children (who are by definition vulnerable). So "left young children alone" gets at most a friendly chat with some advice about home safety, while "left children at home alone" combined with "arrested for drunk and disorderly" and "arrested for solicitation and drug possession" gets a friendly chats combined with targetted drug and alcohol rehab. It's weird that CPS bother taken action in these cases. They're so busy with other cases where the need is unambiguously there.
    - jacquesm 11y ago
      > You don't recognise the survivor bias? You don't think that leaving a six year old in charge of a four year old is irresponsible and dangerous? Yes, it's absolutely terrible. But when you're a single mom and you have to go out and make a living it helps if you raise your kids in a way that teaches them to take responsibility from an early age. My sister and I never thought this was 'dangerous', we walked hand-in-hand to school, crossed at the lights like were were taught to and never were late or went missing. For sure the world was safer back then, today it may not be possible to live like this but I'm pretty happy that we had the experience of being trusted with some responsibility from an early age onward. The survivor bias is non-existent, there were tons of kids like us back then and I don't recall any of them that didn't make it because of being unable to walk home from school or being home for an hour or two un-attended.

jacquesm 11y ago

I still hug my son, he's 21. Wonder what people make of that, though he doesn't sit in my lap. (Though I could probably sit in his, he's easily a head taller than I am.)

hyperpape 11y ago
I feel like the answer is "nothing". My wife and I were talking about the parent's example of a 12 year old girl sitting in her dad's lap. I come from a warm, but relatively reserved, family and found it a bit weird. My wife comes from a very openly affectionate family and didn't. But from the reserved side of the exchange, I definitely tend hug my dad when I greet him or leave.
brudgers 11y ago
Clearly, you are doing things right.

ScottBurson 11y ago

Downvotes??? ... Oh, I see, it's because I followed the parent in using the abbreviation "SJW". It's not one I normally use; I will avoid it in future. However. I have read in the news about parents being arrested for allowing their children -- 9- and 10-year-olds, not young children -- to play unsupervised, or (in one case) to hang out at a mall while their parent was at a job interview there, for what some busybody thought was too long. 50 years ago, one could never have imagined the police being called -- or if they had been called, actually arresting the parent -- in such a situation. Whatever label one puts on it, there has been a change in American culture that I think is not entirely salutary. Protecting children is important, but people are jumping to conclusions that are not actually warranted by the facts and nuances of the situation.

jacquesm 11y ago
In Canada we were warned not to leave our kid (9 years old) unsupervised at the house because it would be considered abandonment. I'm so lucky I didn't grow up in a place like that. By the time we were 6 and 4 my sister and I would take care of ourselves until mom came home from work. This included getting dressed, going to school, going back in the aftenoon. I don't remember a time when I didn't have a key to the house to let myself in when there was nobody home.
- DanBC 11y ago
  You don't recognise the survivor bias? You don't think that leaving a six year old in charge of a four year old is irresponsible and dangerous? Ideally the "rule" is a guideline, and is only ever used as part of a package of information to protect children (who are by definition vulnerable). So "left young children alone" gets at most a friendly chat with some advice about home safety, while "left children at home alone" combined with "arrested for drunk and disorderly" and "arrested for solicitation and drug possession" gets a friendly chats combined with targetted drug and alcohol rehab. It's weird that CPS bother taken action in these cases. They're so busy with other cases where the need is unambiguously there.
  - jacquesm 11y ago
    > You don't recognise the survivor bias? You don't think that leaving a six year old in charge of a four year old is irresponsible and dangerous? Yes, it's absolutely terrible. But when you're a single mom and you have to go out and make a living it helps if you raise your kids in a way that teaches them to take responsibility from an early age. My sister and I never thought this was 'dangerous', we walked hand-in-hand to school, crossed at the lights like were were taught to and never were late or went missing. For sure the world was safer back then, today it may not be possible to live like this but I'm pretty happy that we had the experience of being trusted with some responsibility from an early age onward. The survivor bias is non-existent, there were tons of kids like us back then and I don't recall any of them that didn't make it because of being unable to walk home from school or being home for an hour or two un-attended.