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Some of it is that parenting isn't always as much fun as you dream it will be. It's easy to idealize before you have kids. I love mine and am as dedicated a d

Some of it is that parenting isn't always as much fun as you dream it will be. It's easy to idealize before you have kids. I love mine and am as dedicated a dad as I can be, but I'm also glad I get to go to work every day. For a nuanced look at the complex emotions of parenting, I highly recommend Jennifer Senior's book "All Joy and No Fun" (http://www.amazon.com/All-Joy-No-Fun-Parenthood/dp/0062072242 http://www.amazon.com/All-Joy-No-Fun-Parenthood/dp/006207224...). There's a condensed version here: http://nymag.com/news/features/67024/ http://nymag.com/news/features/67024/

zzalpha 11y ago
I've always found that piece to be interesting in that it spends the majority of the article citing studies and illustrating examples for how difficult child rearing is and how unhappy parents are. In the process the author raises the disconnect between that reality versus the contradictory feelings parents espouse... How they can be so much less happy yet will claim the opposite. And then right at the end the author makes an about face and goes out of their way to defend parenthood... Seeming to inadvertently demonstrate that very delusion. Of course, the author is a parent.
- plonh 11y ago
  Have you ever been obsessed with a hobby, past the point that it is really fun? Spent all night debugging a program? Kids are like that. How we find meaning and what we find fun aren't always the same.
  - zzalpha 11y ago
    I think you miss my point. Taking no position on the topic, what I find fascinating is how the author seems to inadvertently be displaying the very behaviour the article is describing, even though with all their research you'd expect they'd be best equipped not to. There's something very... Meta... About that, I think.
    - mcphage 11y ago
      > what I find fascinating is how the author seems to inadvertently be displaying the very behaviour the article is describing, even though with all their research you'd expect they'd be best equipped not to. The article is about how parenting is stressful but (ultimately) rewarding, and you're surprised that the author of it finds parenting stressful but (ultimately) rewarding? Did you expect she'd find it not stressful, or that she'd find it not rewarding?
      - zzalpha 11y ago
        No that's the point. The article is almost entirely about the fact that parenting is terribly stressfulamd parents are actually far less happy than they seem to be able to admit to themselves. The only bit that attempts to redeem parenting is right near the end, in a way that always to me felt like rationalization, in the way a parent might rationalize their choice just as previously described in the article. This meta nature to me, given it was written by a parent, seems to highlight that very conflict: its a written embodiment of the mental contradiction parents experience.
        mcphage 11y ago
        I guess I don't see the contradiction you see. Parenting is stressful, and definitely can cause unhappiness. But it is rewarding. That's not a contradiction; they're separate axes. (The author discusses this when making the square of rewarding-vs-enjoyable). I guess you can claim that the feeling that it's rewarding is a false rationalization, but... I'm not really sure how you'd argue that. "You only think it's rewarding, but it's not!". I'm not sure how you could demonstrate something like that.

zzalpha 11y ago

I've always found that piece to be interesting in that it spends the majority of the article citing studies and illustrating examples for how difficult child rearing is and how unhappy parents are. In the process the author raises the disconnect between that reality versus the contradictory feelings parents espouse... How they can be so much less happy yet will claim the opposite. And then right at the end the author makes an about face and goes out of their way to defend parenthood... Seeming to inadvertently demonstrate that very delusion. Of course, the author is a parent.

plonh 11y ago
Have you ever been obsessed with a hobby, past the point that it is really fun? Spent all night debugging a program? Kids are like that. How we find meaning and what we find fun aren't always the same.
- zzalpha 11y ago
  I think you miss my point. Taking no position on the topic, what I find fascinating is how the author seems to inadvertently be displaying the very behaviour the article is describing, even though with all their research you'd expect they'd be best equipped not to. There's something very... Meta... About that, I think.
  - mcphage 11y ago
    > what I find fascinating is how the author seems to inadvertently be displaying the very behaviour the article is describing, even though with all their research you'd expect they'd be best equipped not to. The article is about how parenting is stressful but (ultimately) rewarding, and you're surprised that the author of it finds parenting stressful but (ultimately) rewarding? Did you expect she'd find it not stressful, or that she'd find it not rewarding?
    - zzalpha 11y ago
      No that's the point. The article is almost entirely about the fact that parenting is terribly stressfulamd parents are actually far less happy than they seem to be able to admit to themselves. The only bit that attempts to redeem parenting is right near the end, in a way that always to me felt like rationalization, in the way a parent might rationalize their choice just as previously described in the article. This meta nature to me, given it was written by a parent, seems to highlight that very conflict: its a written embodiment of the mental contradiction parents experience.
      - mcphage 11y ago
        I guess I don't see the contradiction you see. Parenting is stressful, and definitely can cause unhappiness. But it is rewarding. That's not a contradiction; they're separate axes. (The author discusses this when making the square of rewarding-vs-enjoyable). I guess you can claim that the feeling that it's rewarding is a false rationalization, but... I'm not really sure how you'd argue that. "You only think it's rewarding, but it's not!". I'm not sure how you could demonstrate something like that.