5 ms·

In the US, the sincerity of the asker can vary quite a bit; when I ask I usually want to actually know how someone is doing. The type and depth of the relations

In the US, the sincerity of the asker can vary quite a bit; when I ask I usually want to actually know how someone is doing. The type and depth of the relationship between the asker and the askee can also determine if "How are you?" is sincere, cursory, or even rhetorical after a fashion. Now that I think about it, that's possibly even more confusing/frustrating to non-US speaker than what you describe! Sorry :)

Udo 11y ago
I think familiarity (or lack thereof) is a big part of the puzzle there. Assuming I'm in the US, and I'm asked "how are you?" by a random sales person, my first thought is "you have no business asking me that". But if, say, I'm greeted at the hotel, I somewhat enjoy the display of fake interest and answer with an automated "fine, thanks". I get the different contexts, but it still leaves me with a lot of ambiguous situations.
- Jare 11y ago
  Body language and attitude right after the question is often a good indicator whether the asker expects a response or not. A good strategy if detecting this proves problematic, is to do or fake a breath before starting your response, that's plenty of time for that body language to kick in and gauge the asker's interest.
- pekk 11y ago
  Familiarity is a good clue, but the difference is really just informality, which you can also have with strangers especially if there is any sense of solidarity. If you meet someone who is very low-key and egalitarian like an old hippie or punk or the like, you may actually alienate them with "fake" responses because it is fake and not open, and might imply that you perceive a status difference. But even with a status difference, someone working as a valet could say to a somewhat uptight and wealthy customer "hot day", or similar, and if the customer is not totally mean and uncool he will respond pleasantly to this and the formality level will be a bit reduced. But someone who thinks he is high-status probably doesn't want to hear a long paragraph about the valet's life, because that guy is an asshole. It is true that a man shouldn't complain to people that his wife is on her period without extreme caution at best. In the same way, I cannot go around using "du" or "tu" with everyone I meet either and "too much information" is a thing almost anywhere.

Udo 11y ago

I think familiarity (or lack thereof) is a big part of the puzzle there. Assuming I'm in the US, and I'm asked "how are you?" by a random sales person, my first thought is "you have no business asking me that". But if, say, I'm greeted at the hotel, I somewhat enjoy the display of fake interest and answer with an automated "fine, thanks". I get the different contexts, but it still leaves me with a lot of ambiguous situations.

Jare 11y ago
Body language and attitude right after the question is often a good indicator whether the asker expects a response or not. A good strategy if detecting this proves problematic, is to do or fake a breath before starting your response, that's plenty of time for that body language to kick in and gauge the asker's interest.
pekk 11y ago
Familiarity is a good clue, but the difference is really just informality, which you can also have with strangers especially if there is any sense of solidarity. If you meet someone who is very low-key and egalitarian like an old hippie or punk or the like, you may actually alienate them with "fake" responses because it is fake and not open, and might imply that you perceive a status difference. But even with a status difference, someone working as a valet could say to a somewhat uptight and wealthy customer "hot day", or similar, and if the customer is not totally mean and uncool he will respond pleasantly to this and the formality level will be a bit reduced. But someone who thinks he is high-status probably doesn't want to hear a long paragraph about the valet's life, because that guy is an asshole. It is true that a man shouldn't complain to people that his wife is on her period without extreme caution at best. In the same way, I cannot go around using "du" or "tu" with everyone I meet either and "too much information" is a thing almost anywhere.