2 ms·

Sometimes anger can make you stronger (give in to your anger, Luke...) But some things you can't change, you can only change how you deal with them. Unless it's

by lutorm 17y ago

Sometimes anger can make you stronger (give in to your anger, Luke...) But some things you can't change, you can only change how you deal with them. Unless it's caused by an immediate physical threat to you or your loved ones, anger is a choice or a learned response and you can learn to respond differently. Have you tried chi gong or other forms of meditation? Something to help you see the big picture and realize that these annoying things don't really mean anything to you.

Mz 17y ago
I had an abusive childhood and lived with a lot of (very legitimate) anger for many years. I'm generally pretty slow to anger these days. Some thoughts: Unlike depression, anger contains energy for action. If used constructively, this can be a Good Thing. The best antidote to anger is action. I find that I fume when I feel helpless to act. Even just analyzing why something is ticking me off is an effective action that starts reducing my anger. If that leads to a To Do list for how to resolve the problem, the anger can pretty completely dissipate -- even while I continue to live with the same frustrations that caused it. But I stop being angry because I know I am working on a solution and won't have to put up with it forever. Although a lot of people feel bad about being angry and we are generally taught that anger is a bad thing, feeling bad about being angry is a waste and anger is not an inherently bad thing. Righteous anger can do a great deal of good in the world. If you are angry for the right reasons and then take constructive action to resolve the problems causing it, anger is nothing you need to worry about "fixing" per se. When the actual cause of the anger is resolved, you will stop being angry.
- btilly 17y ago
  It sounds like you are someone who is not naturally angry who had a lot of cause for anger at one point in your life. I would be very careful in extrapolating from that experience to what will work for people who may have a natural tendency towards being generally angry.
  - Mz 17y ago
    No, I'm naturally a hot head. One reason I don't anger easily these days is because I have resolved a lot of my problems and I rarely run into anything as extreme as what my past held. So most stuff is "small potatoes" in my eyes. I'm a "bounce off the walls" type but I surround myself by people who aren't like that so it doesn't get fed. My youngest son is also something of a hot head, though less expressive of it in part because he is an introvert. We have found that when we are mad, the best thing to do is physically separate us. Doing so reduces tension by 50%. We feed on each others anger.

by lutorm 17y ago

Mz 17y ago

I had an abusive childhood and lived with a lot of (very legitimate) anger for many years. I'm generally pretty slow to anger these days. Some thoughts: Unlike depression, anger contains energy for action. If used constructively, this can be a Good Thing. The best antidote to anger is action. I find that I fume when I feel helpless to act. Even just analyzing why something is ticking me off is an effective action that starts reducing my anger. If that leads to a To Do list for how to resolve the problem, the anger can pretty completely dissipate -- even while I continue to live with the same frustrations that caused it. But I stop being angry because I know I am working on a solution and won't have to put up with it forever. Although a lot of people feel bad about being angry and we are generally taught that anger is a bad thing, feeling bad about being angry is a waste and anger is not an inherently bad thing. Righteous anger can do a great deal of good in the world. If you are angry for the right reasons and then take constructive action to resolve the problems causing it, anger is nothing you need to worry about "fixing" per se. When the actual cause of the anger is resolved, you will stop being angry.

btilly 17y ago
It sounds like you are someone who is not naturally angry who had a lot of cause for anger at one point in your life. I would be very careful in extrapolating from that experience to what will work for people who may have a natural tendency towards being generally angry.
- Mz 17y ago
  No, I'm naturally a hot head. One reason I don't anger easily these days is because I have resolved a lot of my problems and I rarely run into anything as extreme as what my past held. So most stuff is "small potatoes" in my eyes. I'm a "bounce off the walls" type but I surround myself by people who aren't like that so it doesn't get fed. My youngest son is also something of a hot head, though less expressive of it in part because he is an introvert. We have found that when we are mad, the best thing to do is physically separate us. Doing so reduces tension by 50%. We feed on each others anger.