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A few years ago I was in a situation remarkably similar to yours and I found that getting a stable long term girlfriend was extremely helpful in keeping me on a
by c22 11y ago
A few years ago I was in a situation remarkably similar to yours and I found that getting a stable long term girlfriend was extremely helpful in keeping me on a good trajectory. Ironically, the only real way to achieve this is to already be on that trajectory. One strategy is to focus on getting really good at something you're interested in. Your mastery will attract both women and employment and the process is not unenjoyable. Another attractive trait (to both mates and employers) is healthiness, so eat healthy things, take vitamin D supplements if you're far away from the equator, and get at least some exercise every day (15 minutes is fine). Building these habits can have positive effects on your mental state as well.
- thotpoizn 11y agoI'm sorry, but no. "Ironically, the only real way to achieve this" - is to achieve this. I met my wife almost 25 years ago. We were both homeless at the time. We found each other, loved each other, and despite ridiculous odds against us, found a happy and successful life together. A big part of that was me pulling my head out of my ass and doing things for "us" instead of doing things for "me". The trajectory I was on before I met her was juvenile, selfish, and stupid. Then all of that changed rather dramatically: I met the woman who would become my wife, and she made me want to grow up and step up. My situation changed, when my mind changed.
- c22 11y agoI'm really happy for you and it's that sort of change in focus that I think is hugely beneficial, but either your situation was atypical or you had more going for you than you think. It's not about "being" somewhere or achieving anything specifically, it's more about attitude.
- nate_meurer 11y agoYou got lucky. Sounds like your wife got lucky too :) But for every one of you, I'll find ten others who expected a relationship to pull them off a bad trajectory (esp. addiction), and instead found someone who enables, and often shares and promotes, their self-destruction.