4 ms·

I would put the purported plus of introverts "listening to people speak" a bit differently. To generalize, extroverts talk to work through their own thinking.

by jeremyw 17y ago

I would put the purported plus of introverts "listening to people speak" a bit differently. To generalize, extroverts talk to work through their own thinking. So some/much of what they say is that process in public. As a young introvert, I often got annoyed at their listening dead zones, until I realized they were still working through their own patterns as they integrated what others had to say. In the world of extroverts, introverts do this behind the scenes.

Goladus 17y ago
I don't think the way a person works through their thoughts is closely related to listening. There are a number of circumstances under which people fail to listen. Two common ones are: 1. One's own speech fills in the entire time leaving no one else a chance to talk. 2. One's listening time is wasted mentally preparing what you are going to say and anticipating an opportunity to say it. So others talk, but you aren't paying attention. (1) would be a problem associated with "extraverts" while (2) would be a problem associated with "introverts." But in fact, if you really got someone to observe your behavior you might be surprised to find how often you are guilty of the first. The introvert/extravert labels are somewhat dangerous models to apply to your own behavior.
- adamc 17y ago
  There is at least one more common pattern, which I would call "half-listening" -- thinking about something else entirely. I don't really know what studies there are on this, but the belief that introverts are better listeners is widespread (just google on "introverts better listeners" -- compare that to "extroverts better listeners").
  - Goladus 17y ago
    True, and again I don't really think the __vert label means much when it comes to half-listening. But what does introvert really mean? There's a vague understanding that it's a kind of person who "directs energy inward to the mind as opposed to outward to the environment." Lots of programmers spend a lot of time programming, which is a solitary activity, so they all think "they are introverts." Just like all these other people who "are introverts." It's very comforting. But it's lazy. Most people express both kinds of behavior, and are quite capable of thinking in different ways. People who become Buddhist monks don't have to be "introverted people" but they practice what would be described as introverted behavior. Do they "become introverts" via training? Someone who has spent most of their life programming can learn to direct energy outward playing soccer. They can learn to experience the thrill of improvising a story to a crowd, making it bits as you go based on how you want them to feel about it. The general assumptions are way too broad. "uncomfortable in social situations" - Why? Low self-esteem? Maybe it's as simple as bad posture. You are slouching and don't realize it, this means you have to make a lot of effort to use your voice. This makes you reluctant to talk and when you do, your voice is soft and sounds a bit strained and uncomfortable. It's hard for people to hear you and they don't enjoy listening, so they have to ask you to repeat yourself, you get frustrated and feel embarassed. So you go home and say "I don't like social situations." "I must be an introvert." When really you just need to practice standing up straight and breathing properly. It could be hundreds of different things depending on the person, and giving yourself a broad label like "introvert" and "extravert" only interferes with your ability to understand those things.

by jeremyw 17y ago

Goladus 17y ago

I don't think the way a person works through their thoughts is closely related to listening. There are a number of circumstances under which people fail to listen. Two common ones are: 1. One's own speech fills in the entire time leaving no one else a chance to talk. 2. One's listening time is wasted mentally preparing what you are going to say and anticipating an opportunity to say it. So others talk, but you aren't paying attention. (1) would be a problem associated with "extraverts" while (2) would be a problem associated with "introverts." But in fact, if you really got someone to observe your behavior you might be surprised to find how often you are guilty of the first. The introvert/extravert labels are somewhat dangerous models to apply to your own behavior.

adamc 17y ago
There is at least one more common pattern, which I would call "half-listening" -- thinking about something else entirely. I don't really know what studies there are on this, but the belief that introverts are better listeners is widespread (just google on "introverts better listeners" -- compare that to "extroverts better listeners").
- Goladus 17y ago
  True, and again I don't really think the __vert label means much when it comes to half-listening. But what does introvert really mean? There's a vague understanding that it's a kind of person who "directs energy inward to the mind as opposed to outward to the environment." Lots of programmers spend a lot of time programming, which is a solitary activity, so they all think "they are introverts." Just like all these other people who "are introverts." It's very comforting. But it's lazy. Most people express both kinds of behavior, and are quite capable of thinking in different ways. People who become Buddhist monks don't have to be "introverted people" but they practice what would be described as introverted behavior. Do they "become introverts" via training? Someone who has spent most of their life programming can learn to direct energy outward playing soccer. They can learn to experience the thrill of improvising a story to a crowd, making it bits as you go based on how you want them to feel about it. The general assumptions are way too broad. "uncomfortable in social situations" - Why? Low self-esteem? Maybe it's as simple as bad posture. You are slouching and don't realize it, this means you have to make a lot of effort to use your voice. This makes you reluctant to talk and when you do, your voice is soft and sounds a bit strained and uncomfortable. It's hard for people to hear you and they don't enjoy listening, so they have to ask you to repeat yourself, you get frustrated and feel embarassed. So you go home and say "I don't like social situations." "I must be an introvert." When really you just need to practice standing up straight and breathing properly. It could be hundreds of different things depending on the person, and giving yourself a broad label like "introvert" and "extravert" only interferes with your ability to understand those things.