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This is so sad. Dying alone is more frightening than death itself. It is articles like this that force me to stop working so hard and spend more time with famil

This is so sad. Dying alone is more frightening than death itself. It is articles like this that force me to stop working so hard and spend more time with family.

abawany 11y ago
I genuinely want to know: why is that frightening? I have thought through this a few times and I did not come to this conclusion at all.
- littletimmy 11y ago
  Primarily because it is the mark of a life not well lived. Having family, friends etc are essential to a good life for most people.
  - ams6110 11y ago
    Who are any of us to judge what a life well lived is to anyone else?
    - iamdave 11y ago
      Somehow I don't think that's what anyone is doing here.
    - coldtea 11y ago
      Society. The very notion of "well" etc (and most things we believe to be "good" or "ethical") comes from shared culture, else it's totally arbitrary personal preference. It's not about "logical objective reasoning" either. Treating people bad for example. Nothing "logical" about it being more wrong that treating them nice (especially if it benefits you to do so). But the culture we co-created and live in makes it wrong (and that's a good thing).
      - ams6110 11y ago
        Society has been trending towards "arbitrary personal preference" in many areas lately. Conversely, society has condoned and even encouraged things that are horribly unfair. So I don't see why we would carve out an exception for judging the "well-lived-ness" of a person's life based on society's precepts about the number or closeness of friends and family.
        coldtea 11y ago
        >Society has been trending towards "arbitrary personal preference" in many areas lately Yeah, or degenerating, one could say. It also happened in the last days of Rome... >Conversely, society has condoned and even encouraged things that are horribly unfair. Well, it's a balancing act. Society doesn't mean people get a free pass to abandon personal judgement. That said, all those "horribly unfair" things seem horribly unfair to us, from a distance. To their own society they looked perfectly normal.
- no1youknowz 11y ago
  I don't understand it either. Why is it frightening? I also didn't quite understand the family comment either. Whose family are you talking about? When you are born, you have your mom (and possibly Dad) around you. But as you grow older, Mom and Dad will pass away and you'll thus be alone. Unless you have kids, you'll die alone. Even if you do have kids, life happens. I know plenty of people who don't talk to their kids or they hate their mom or dad and there is no relation. Thus some people have died alone. I think some people have this fantasy, that they are on their death bed and there is 3 generations weeping around them. Sorry, but is this even true any more? Quite honestly for me. I'm quite happy to leave as unnoticed. Oh and another thing. Friends. Unless you make seriously good friends and not those on facebook or acquaintances. They may be around you a long time. But I have rarely met someone in their 50s/60s that still knows their childhood friends. So strike that one off the list. I think a life well-meant is what you did with it. Rather than who is in it.
  - icebraining 11y ago
    I think some people have this fantasy, that they are on their death bed and there is 3 generations weeping around them. Sorry, but is this even true any more? Well, at least here in my Southern European country, it sure is. While there are many more elderly people dying alone than a couple of decades ago, I'd say most people I know still keep in close contact with their parents and grandparents, and they spend their last days (usually in the hospital) with them. In fact, that's one thing I always found disconcerting in online conversations with US Americans - the willingness to just move hundreds of miles from their parents and grandparents. I've never considered myself a family-oriented person -I've always disliked family reunions and the "you have to go visit your great-uncle"- but the idea of leaving now, when my grandmothers probably just have a few more years to live, just sounds so ungrateful and selfish :|
    - TJSomething 11y ago
      America's a pretty big country. You can drive the 400 miles from where my grandmother lives to where my parents live and the largest city during that drive has a population of fewer than 4,000 people.
- tokipin 11y ago
  At the moment of death you're having your last memories, so dying alone is like going into the abyss alone forever. Dying with people is like going into the abyss with that company forever. Or something like that. It could be even more subtle than this. I'm speaking psychologically of course. Replace the abyss with whatever. This may seem odd in logical terms but it seems to be a common understanding, and it's found in movies, books, etc. [edit]It might be analagous to children who don't want to fall asleep without an adult with them. They are scared by the darkness and don't want to go through something scary alone.
- e40 11y ago
  Because death is final and there is no pain afterwards. A long, slow decline is a form of mental torture. I think that's what the GP meant.
ekianjo 11y ago
> Dying alone is more frightening than death itself. Maybe, but most people mentioned in the article apparently die from heart attacks, and you don't know when it's going to happen - so it's not like you "know" and expect death to come around the corner. It could have literally happened when that person was shopping out, too.
- acveilleux 11y ago
  It seems like the deceased in the article had nothing left to do but to wait for that death. Actually sounds worse then the death itself to me.
  - dnc 11y ago
    That is also what I find the worst. Everything else, that can be seen in the disturbing pictures of the place seems to me as merely surface and materialization of the inner despair and suffering that one has to go through in a such situation.

This is so sad. Dying alone is more frightening than death itself. It is articles like this that force me to stop working so hard and spend more time with family.

abawany 11y ago

I genuinely want to know: why is that frightening? I have thought through this a few times and I did not come to this conclusion at all.

littletimmy 11y ago
Primarily because it is the mark of a life not well lived. Having family, friends etc are essential to a good life for most people.
- ams6110 11y ago
  Who are any of us to judge what a life well lived is to anyone else?
  - iamdave 11y ago
    Somehow I don't think that's what anyone is doing here.
  - coldtea 11y ago
    Society. The very notion of "well" etc (and most things we believe to be "good" or "ethical") comes from shared culture, else it's totally arbitrary personal preference. It's not about "logical objective reasoning" either. Treating people bad for example. Nothing "logical" about it being more wrong that treating them nice (especially if it benefits you to do so). But the culture we co-created and live in makes it wrong (and that's a good thing).
    - ams6110 11y ago
      Society has been trending towards "arbitrary personal preference" in many areas lately. Conversely, society has condoned and even encouraged things that are horribly unfair. So I don't see why we would carve out an exception for judging the "well-lived-ness" of a person's life based on society's precepts about the number or closeness of friends and family.
      - coldtea 11y ago
        >Society has been trending towards "arbitrary personal preference" in many areas lately Yeah, or degenerating, one could say. It also happened in the last days of Rome... >Conversely, society has condoned and even encouraged things that are horribly unfair. Well, it's a balancing act. Society doesn't mean people get a free pass to abandon personal judgement. That said, all those "horribly unfair" things seem horribly unfair to us, from a distance. To their own society they looked perfectly normal.
no1youknowz 11y ago
I don't understand it either. Why is it frightening? I also didn't quite understand the family comment either. Whose family are you talking about? When you are born, you have your mom (and possibly Dad) around you. But as you grow older, Mom and Dad will pass away and you'll thus be alone. Unless you have kids, you'll die alone. Even if you do have kids, life happens. I know plenty of people who don't talk to their kids or they hate their mom or dad and there is no relation. Thus some people have died alone. I think some people have this fantasy, that they are on their death bed and there is 3 generations weeping around them. Sorry, but is this even true any more? Quite honestly for me. I'm quite happy to leave as unnoticed. Oh and another thing. Friends. Unless you make seriously good friends and not those on facebook or acquaintances. They may be around you a long time. But I have rarely met someone in their 50s/60s that still knows their childhood friends. So strike that one off the list. I think a life well-meant is what you did with it. Rather than who is in it.
- icebraining 11y ago
  I think some people have this fantasy, that they are on their death bed and there is 3 generations weeping around them. Sorry, but is this even true any more? Well, at least here in my Southern European country, it sure is. While there are many more elderly people dying alone than a couple of decades ago, I'd say most people I know still keep in close contact with their parents and grandparents, and they spend their last days (usually in the hospital) with them. In fact, that's one thing I always found disconcerting in online conversations with US Americans - the willingness to just move hundreds of miles from their parents and grandparents. I've never considered myself a family-oriented person -I've always disliked family reunions and the "you have to go visit your great-uncle"- but the idea of leaving now, when my grandmothers probably just have a few more years to live, just sounds so ungrateful and selfish :|
  - TJSomething 11y ago
    America's a pretty big country. You can drive the 400 miles from where my grandmother lives to where my parents live and the largest city during that drive has a population of fewer than 4,000 people.
tokipin 11y ago
At the moment of death you're having your last memories, so dying alone is like going into the abyss alone forever. Dying with people is like going into the abyss with that company forever. Or something like that. It could be even more subtle than this. I'm speaking psychologically of course. Replace the abyss with whatever. This may seem odd in logical terms but it seems to be a common understanding, and it's found in movies, books, etc. [edit]It might be analagous to children who don't want to fall asleep without an adult with them. They are scared by the darkness and don't want to go through something scary alone.
e40 11y ago
Because death is final and there is no pain afterwards. A long, slow decline is a form of mental torture. I think that's what the GP meant.

ekianjo 11y ago

> Dying alone is more frightening than death itself. Maybe, but most people mentioned in the article apparently die from heart attacks, and you don't know when it's going to happen - so it's not like you "know" and expect death to come around the corner. It could have literally happened when that person was shopping out, too.

acveilleux 11y ago
It seems like the deceased in the article had nothing left to do but to wait for that death. Actually sounds worse then the death itself to me.
- dnc 11y ago
  That is also what I find the worst. Everything else, that can be seen in the disturbing pictures of the place seems to me as merely surface and materialization of the inner despair and suffering that one has to go through in a such situation.