8 ms·

Having kids is a great way to give yourself some perspective and curb existential angst. This is going to be a touchy subject as people have children for many

Having kids is a great way to give yourself some perspective and curb existential angst. This is going to be a touchy subject as people have children for many different reasons - I'll describe a few significant groups: - Those who do it to pass on knowledge, teach kids to be inquisitive and enjoy making/learning. This kind of parent themselves love learning, and raising a child is a massive part of their life journey - Those who figure it's the next logical progression in their life/relationship, who wind up so tired from the combination of work and raising a child/children that yes their existential angst has been effectively banished. Some may find perspective when they finally find the time to reflect. Most are ultimately happy that they had kids - Those who seemingly have Stockholm syndrome, evangelizing the joys of having kids in one breath and telling their children to shut up in another. The kind who had kids because they're a status symbol, a Rubicon of the aspirational class The first kind make the best parents. We shouldn't try to sell kids as a solution to life's problems - otherwise we'll just keep making the second and third kinds of parents with each generation.

rayiner 11y ago
I don't love my daughter because I'm sharing some lifelong journey of learning, whatever that means. I love her because my brain is wired to do so, to flood my blood stream with neurotransmitters that and hormones in response to her. You're right that there are many different reasons people love their kids. But your overly intellectuallized and snobbish categorization misses the main reasons. Most people aren't on a journey of learning, and probably don't even like learning very much. But even dumb uninquisitive people can derive great joy from raising families. It's the ultimate equalizer. Indeed, throughout history and still today in at least Asia, much of the Americas, and the U.S., most people get married and have kids because of reason 2. I assure you they make perfectly fine parents and most derive tremendous joy from parenthood.
- eli_gottlieb 11y ago
  > I don't love my daughter because I'm sharing some lifelong journey of learning, whatever that means. I love her because my brain is wired to do so, to flood my blood stream with neurotransmitters that and hormones in response to her. Yes, but that's more-or-less the same reason you feel anyway about anything.
  - rayiner 11y ago
    The difference is the amount of cognition involved in the process of eliciting that reaction. When my daughter was little I'd feed her a bottle and snuggle her to sleep. My wife noted that when I did that I looked stoned.
- icanhackit 11y ago
  I don't love my daughter because [...] My first sentence professed that "This is going to be a touchy subject as people have children for many different reasons" - I don't pretend to know why anyone here had kids. But your overly intellectuallized and snobbish categorization misses the main reasons. Here's some big ones I missed: working the farm and supporting the parents or for dowry. Entirely valid reasons to have kids depending on circumstance. My point was that kids shouldn't be sold as a solution to existential problems. My best friend did just that and his relationship with his partner has disintegrated because it wasn't a realistic way of dealing with the issues that he has. He'll make a good dad and partner when he figures out what's burning inside him.
  - deleted 11y ago
    [deleted]

rayiner 11y ago

I don't love my daughter because I'm sharing some lifelong journey of learning, whatever that means. I love her because my brain is wired to do so, to flood my blood stream with neurotransmitters that and hormones in response to her. You're right that there are many different reasons people love their kids. But your overly intellectuallized and snobbish categorization misses the main reasons. Most people aren't on a journey of learning, and probably don't even like learning very much. But even dumb uninquisitive people can derive great joy from raising families. It's the ultimate equalizer. Indeed, throughout history and still today in at least Asia, much of the Americas, and the U.S., most people get married and have kids because of reason 2. I assure you they make perfectly fine parents and most derive tremendous joy from parenthood.

eli_gottlieb 11y ago
> I don't love my daughter because I'm sharing some lifelong journey of learning, whatever that means. I love her because my brain is wired to do so, to flood my blood stream with neurotransmitters that and hormones in response to her. Yes, but that's more-or-less the same reason you feel anyway about anything.
- rayiner 11y ago
  The difference is the amount of cognition involved in the process of eliciting that reaction. When my daughter was little I'd feed her a bottle and snuggle her to sleep. My wife noted that when I did that I looked stoned.
icanhackit 11y ago
I don't love my daughter because [...] My first sentence professed that "This is going to be a touchy subject as people have children for many different reasons" - I don't pretend to know why anyone here had kids. But your overly intellectuallized and snobbish categorization misses the main reasons. Here's some big ones I missed: working the farm and supporting the parents or for dowry. Entirely valid reasons to have kids depending on circumstance. My point was that kids shouldn't be sold as a solution to existential problems. My best friend did just that and his relationship with his partner has disintegrated because it wasn't a realistic way of dealing with the issues that he has. He'll make a good dad and partner when he figures out what's burning inside him.
- deleted 11y ago
  [deleted]