4 ms·

It sounds like you might've come from the exact opposite place, where you were never teased or taught not to take yourself seriously. My family bonds over const

It sounds like you might've come from the exact opposite place, where you were never teased or taught not to take yourself seriously. My family bonds over constantly harassing each other. No one takes it seriously and we're all better adjusted for it. I've definitely had friends who can't take a joke AT ALL and have ended up being neurotic and no fun to be around.

SomeStupidPoint 11y ago
Can you not make the same defense of mild family wide alcoholism, which most people agree the family would be better without? It seems to fit all the pieces you describe: mechanism which relaxes people and which can form bonding experiences for the whole group participating.
- irishcoffee 11y ago
  Smoking pot would do the same thing. Playing a board game also. Are we now going to say that teasing, drinking, smoking pot, and playing a board game are equal? I can't tell if I'm getting trolled because of your username or not, but it seems to fit here.
  - SomeStupidPoint 11y ago
    Actually, you basically just rephrased my point: the argument I was responding to applies to everything from mild dysfunction (inter-generational family addictions being passed down and celebrated) to perfectly benign (similar habits regarding board games instead of drugs). Hence, it applying to teasing doesn't say anything at all about whether or not teasing is a good thing -- the argument applies to nearly anything at all, both functional and dysfunctional.
Johnny_Brahms 11y ago
I have spent some time reading about attachment theory [1], and I believe that what hoopwhatever (on my phone, sorry) said might not be unfounded. The attachment model (hownyou relate to other people) you are taught in childhood will stay with you for the rest of your life, so whatever you see as normal and healthy might very well not be. I come from a family situation not unlike what you described, but where the teasing was a symptom of something else. We were never allowed to be serious, where the constant banter was a way to distance ourselves from issues. After my parents died I have talked to my siblings about this, and while they are now in good, loving relationships, they admit to having had a really hard time forming a relationship. In my own case I have had a really hard time talking about my emotions and I have been independent to a fault. I have since realised I was more or less suppressing my emotions throughout my childhood and we'll into my twenties. I had a huge problem realising that my way of attaching to other people was causing me to feel bad, but when I finally decided to work hard to see my emotions and try my best to talk about them, all my relationships (romantic and otherwise) became much better. I constantly fall back into teasing mode and not being emotionally present (because hey, it is quite fun) but I have become much better at being emotionally present when I should. I just wanted to say that it is extremely hard to see any problems with your own attachment model, because it is very natural to you. This became an unstructured walll of text with too much personal info. I am not sure if I can read any meaning intonit myself I [1] https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_theory https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_theory

SomeStupidPoint 11y ago

Can you not make the same defense of mild family wide alcoholism, which most people agree the family would be better without? It seems to fit all the pieces you describe: mechanism which relaxes people and which can form bonding experiences for the whole group participating.

irishcoffee 11y ago
Smoking pot would do the same thing. Playing a board game also. Are we now going to say that teasing, drinking, smoking pot, and playing a board game are equal? I can't tell if I'm getting trolled because of your username or not, but it seems to fit here.
- SomeStupidPoint 11y ago
  Actually, you basically just rephrased my point: the argument I was responding to applies to everything from mild dysfunction (inter-generational family addictions being passed down and celebrated) to perfectly benign (similar habits regarding board games instead of drugs). Hence, it applying to teasing doesn't say anything at all about whether or not teasing is a good thing -- the argument applies to nearly anything at all, both functional and dysfunctional.

Johnny_Brahms 11y ago

I have spent some time reading about attachment theory [1], and I believe that what hoopwhatever (on my phone, sorry) said might not be unfounded. The attachment model (hownyou relate to other people) you are taught in childhood will stay with you for the rest of your life, so whatever you see as normal and healthy might very well not be. I come from a family situation not unlike what you described, but where the teasing was a symptom of something else. We were never allowed to be serious, where the constant banter was a way to distance ourselves from issues. After my parents died I have talked to my siblings about this, and while they are now in good, loving relationships, they admit to having had a really hard time forming a relationship. In my own case I have had a really hard time talking about my emotions and I have been independent to a fault. I have since realised I was more or less suppressing my emotions throughout my childhood and we'll into my twenties. I had a huge problem realising that my way of attaching to other people was causing me to feel bad, but when I finally decided to work hard to see my emotions and try my best to talk about them, all my relationships (romantic and otherwise) became much better. I constantly fall back into teasing mode and not being emotionally present (because hey, it is quite fun) but I have become much better at being emotionally present when I should. I just wanted to say that it is extremely hard to see any problems with your own attachment model, because it is very natural to you. This became an unstructured walll of text with too much personal info. I am not sure if I can read any meaning intonit myself I [1] https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_theory https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_theory