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> are you implying that playful office banter with my coworkers is childish and should not exist? I think he's implying that most of the office teasing is done

> are you implying that playful office banter with my coworkers is childish and should not exist? I think he's implying that most of the office teasing is done by people who don't understand the boundaries of teasing correctly -- which seems to be supported by the way HR policies frown on what you'd call "friendly", that many employees report being unhappy at work because of such things, the way in which many toxic workplace lawsuits come about, and that it is a way in which inter-department politics can become downright dysfunctional. Most people who defend teasing as a default mode of social interaction -- particularly with coworkers instead of close friends -- sound like abuse victims (who internalized their abuse as a good thing as a coping mechanism) playing out their abuse over on new victims, and not people arguing for a functional social mechanic.

swasheck 11y ago
who said anything about a "default mode of social interaction" anywhere in this thread? additionally, i think you'd do well to cite your sources for the assertion in the last sentence because right now it sounds like you're both attempting to diagnose me and misrepresenting my statements.
- SomeStupidPoint 11y ago
  Who said anything about teasing being a default mode of social interaction? You. You and everyone talking about teasing be a normal way that you interact and which is a non-trivial fraction of your interactions -- that's just a more wordy way of saying "a default mode of social interaction". A "default mode" is one of a handful of ways that something happens, which is regarded as a normal way for it to happen. So quite literally, I just used other words to describe what you were already talking about. > additionally, i think you'd do well to cite your sources for the assertion in the last sentence because right now it sounds like you're both attempting to diagnose me and misrepresenting my statements The source of my comment is partnering with a large corporation to review the HR comments by abusers fired for workplace harassment of coworkers. Across thousands of cases, for the ones which didn't stem from a single incident (eg, calling your coworker a "fucking nigger" and going on a rant about how he should "go back to Africa" in front of the entire office (not an actual example)), the majority asserted that they were merely trying to be friendly and teasing their coworker, and they they should learn to not take themselves so seriously and lighten up, ie, that months of teasing someone after being asked to stop until they felt motivated to involve outside parties should be excused because they meant well. I just find it interesting that no one seems able to point out a difference between their arguments and yours.
  - SteveLAnderson 11y ago
    Yeah, sorry, there's a big gap between what was written and "default mode of social interaction". Teasing can be a default mode of social interaction, but there's a vast gap between saying that teasing can be okay and saying that it should be a default mode of social interaction. Your claim that they are the same is nonsense. There's no doubt that some people try to excuse unacceptable behavior by claiming they were teasing. There's also no doubt that teasing can be done in a way that does not have negative impacts. The same is true of many things in the office. Asking someone to lunch can be a good way to form a positive bond with them or it can be a non-professional actionable move. If a person asks you to stop talking to them in a certain manner or about a certain topic, you should, just like if someone asks you to stop inviting them to lunch, you should. However, you'd never suggest that no one should ever ask a co-worker to join him/her for lunch, would you? Thus, your position is only valid if you belief that all teasing is harmful. That's simply not supportable, regardless of your experience.

swasheck 11y ago

who said anything about a "default mode of social interaction" anywhere in this thread? additionally, i think you'd do well to cite your sources for the assertion in the last sentence because right now it sounds like you're both attempting to diagnose me and misrepresenting my statements.

SomeStupidPoint 11y ago
Who said anything about teasing being a default mode of social interaction? You. You and everyone talking about teasing be a normal way that you interact and which is a non-trivial fraction of your interactions -- that's just a more wordy way of saying "a default mode of social interaction". A "default mode" is one of a handful of ways that something happens, which is regarded as a normal way for it to happen. So quite literally, I just used other words to describe what you were already talking about. > additionally, i think you'd do well to cite your sources for the assertion in the last sentence because right now it sounds like you're both attempting to diagnose me and misrepresenting my statements The source of my comment is partnering with a large corporation to review the HR comments by abusers fired for workplace harassment of coworkers. Across thousands of cases, for the ones which didn't stem from a single incident (eg, calling your coworker a "fucking nigger" and going on a rant about how he should "go back to Africa" in front of the entire office (not an actual example)), the majority asserted that they were merely trying to be friendly and teasing their coworker, and they they should learn to not take themselves so seriously and lighten up, ie, that months of teasing someone after being asked to stop until they felt motivated to involve outside parties should be excused because they meant well. I just find it interesting that no one seems able to point out a difference between their arguments and yours.
- SteveLAnderson 11y ago
  Yeah, sorry, there's a big gap between what was written and "default mode of social interaction". Teasing can be a default mode of social interaction, but there's a vast gap between saying that teasing can be okay and saying that it should be a default mode of social interaction. Your claim that they are the same is nonsense. There's no doubt that some people try to excuse unacceptable behavior by claiming they were teasing. There's also no doubt that teasing can be done in a way that does not have negative impacts. The same is true of many things in the office. Asking someone to lunch can be a good way to form a positive bond with them or it can be a non-professional actionable move. If a person asks you to stop talking to them in a certain manner or about a certain topic, you should, just like if someone asks you to stop inviting them to lunch, you should. However, you'd never suggest that no one should ever ask a co-worker to join him/her for lunch, would you? Thus, your position is only valid if you belief that all teasing is harmful. That's simply not supportable, regardless of your experience.