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i still can't agree with you. are you implying that playful office banter with my coworkers is childish and should not exist? are you stating that joking with f

i still can't agree with you. are you implying that playful office banter with my coworkers is childish and should not exist? are you stating that joking with friends is childish and should have been discarded in primary school? what if his wife is overly sensitive to teasing because of a lack of its presence in her formative years and, as such, she never learned to cope with it and he's giving an appropriate amount of teasing? i just dont think that we have enough information to levy specific criticisms against this poster.

SomeStupidPoint 11y ago
> are you implying that playful office banter with my coworkers is childish and should not exist? I think he's implying that most of the office teasing is done by people who don't understand the boundaries of teasing correctly -- which seems to be supported by the way HR policies frown on what you'd call "friendly", that many employees report being unhappy at work because of such things, the way in which many toxic workplace lawsuits come about, and that it is a way in which inter-department politics can become downright dysfunctional. Most people who defend teasing as a default mode of social interaction -- particularly with coworkers instead of close friends -- sound like abuse victims (who internalized their abuse as a good thing as a coping mechanism) playing out their abuse over on new victims, and not people arguing for a functional social mechanic.
- swasheck 11y ago
  who said anything about a "default mode of social interaction" anywhere in this thread? additionally, i think you'd do well to cite your sources for the assertion in the last sentence because right now it sounds like you're both attempting to diagnose me and misrepresenting my statements.
  - SomeStupidPoint 11y ago
    Who said anything about teasing being a default mode of social interaction? You. You and everyone talking about teasing be a normal way that you interact and which is a non-trivial fraction of your interactions -- that's just a more wordy way of saying "a default mode of social interaction". A "default mode" is one of a handful of ways that something happens, which is regarded as a normal way for it to happen. So quite literally, I just used other words to describe what you were already talking about. > additionally, i think you'd do well to cite your sources for the assertion in the last sentence because right now it sounds like you're both attempting to diagnose me and misrepresenting my statements The source of my comment is partnering with a large corporation to review the HR comments by abusers fired for workplace harassment of coworkers. Across thousands of cases, for the ones which didn't stem from a single incident (eg, calling your coworker a "fucking nigger" and going on a rant about how he should "go back to Africa" in front of the entire office (not an actual example)), the majority asserted that they were merely trying to be friendly and teasing their coworker, and they they should learn to not take themselves so seriously and lighten up, ie, that months of teasing someone after being asked to stop until they felt motivated to involve outside parties should be excused because they meant well. I just find it interesting that no one seems able to point out a difference between their arguments and yours.
    - SteveLAnderson 11y ago
      Yeah, sorry, there's a big gap between what was written and "default mode of social interaction". Teasing can be a default mode of social interaction, but there's a vast gap between saying that teasing can be okay and saying that it should be a default mode of social interaction. Your claim that they are the same is nonsense. There's no doubt that some people try to excuse unacceptable behavior by claiming they were teasing. There's also no doubt that teasing can be done in a way that does not have negative impacts. The same is true of many things in the office. Asking someone to lunch can be a good way to form a positive bond with them or it can be a non-professional actionable move. If a person asks you to stop talking to them in a certain manner or about a certain topic, you should, just like if someone asks you to stop inviting them to lunch, you should. However, you'd never suggest that no one should ever ask a co-worker to join him/her for lunch, would you? Thus, your position is only valid if you belief that all teasing is harmful. That's simply not supportable, regardless of your experience.
marktangotango 11y ago
The problem with playful banter with acquaintances or coworkers is that not everyone has the same threshold or filter for what is or isn't appropriate, or what is or isn't hurtful or insulting. Often times, and what I found with my brother in law is, some can serve it up, but they can't take it in turn without getting all bent out of shape or offended. I have learned over the years it's always best to behave cordially and respectfully toward those I work with. I've come to believe that it's simply not realistic to go to work and expect to form deep friendships with people there. I also think this expectation that everyone should be ok with banter and teasing contributes to the lack of diversity we often see now. If everyone you work with is of a certain type, and interacts in the same way, in way that some find insulting or hurtful, then you are not cultivating a diverse group of people, just more of the same.
- deleted 11y ago
  [deleted]
__z 11y ago
>are you implying that playful office banter with my coworkers is childish and should not exist? I would avoid playful office banter with coworkers - save it for your good friends. Act professionally at work, goof around after work. It is extremely easy to accidentally create a hostile work environment for some. Those people also don't "need a sense of humor."
pzxc 11y ago
Reciprocated playful office banter is fine. It's childish but it's okay to be childish with someone who wants to be childish also. Unreciprocated playful office banter should not exist. Teasing friends is fine and good, all fun and games, but I think it builds deeper and more meaningful relationships to build people up rather than tear them down (even in jest). I don't make friends with people who tease routinely (all in good fun), but that's my choice. I tolerate it from family, because, family. By the way, most school bullying starts as unreciprocated teasing. Yeah, teasing is childish and I too think friendships are better without it. Maybe it means I take myself too seriously, but I prefer to compensate for others' weaknesses (especially colleagues and spouse) rather than point it out to have a good laugh about it. And if you're a kid, you're not going to be the one who complains about it. You don't know words like introverted or strategies like "haha that's funny, let's change the subject", you're just going to grin and bear it. And then the teaser (in total innocence, not maliciously) is going to be like, "well he always grins when I do that"...

SomeStupidPoint 11y ago

> are you implying that playful office banter with my coworkers is childish and should not exist? I think he's implying that most of the office teasing is done by people who don't understand the boundaries of teasing correctly -- which seems to be supported by the way HR policies frown on what you'd call "friendly", that many employees report being unhappy at work because of such things, the way in which many toxic workplace lawsuits come about, and that it is a way in which inter-department politics can become downright dysfunctional. Most people who defend teasing as a default mode of social interaction -- particularly with coworkers instead of close friends -- sound like abuse victims (who internalized their abuse as a good thing as a coping mechanism) playing out their abuse over on new victims, and not people arguing for a functional social mechanic.

swasheck 11y ago
who said anything about a "default mode of social interaction" anywhere in this thread? additionally, i think you'd do well to cite your sources for the assertion in the last sentence because right now it sounds like you're both attempting to diagnose me and misrepresenting my statements.
- SomeStupidPoint 11y ago
  Who said anything about teasing being a default mode of social interaction? You. You and everyone talking about teasing be a normal way that you interact and which is a non-trivial fraction of your interactions -- that's just a more wordy way of saying "a default mode of social interaction". A "default mode" is one of a handful of ways that something happens, which is regarded as a normal way for it to happen. So quite literally, I just used other words to describe what you were already talking about. > additionally, i think you'd do well to cite your sources for the assertion in the last sentence because right now it sounds like you're both attempting to diagnose me and misrepresenting my statements The source of my comment is partnering with a large corporation to review the HR comments by abusers fired for workplace harassment of coworkers. Across thousands of cases, for the ones which didn't stem from a single incident (eg, calling your coworker a "fucking nigger" and going on a rant about how he should "go back to Africa" in front of the entire office (not an actual example)), the majority asserted that they were merely trying to be friendly and teasing their coworker, and they they should learn to not take themselves so seriously and lighten up, ie, that months of teasing someone after being asked to stop until they felt motivated to involve outside parties should be excused because they meant well. I just find it interesting that no one seems able to point out a difference between their arguments and yours.
  - SteveLAnderson 11y ago
    Yeah, sorry, there's a big gap between what was written and "default mode of social interaction". Teasing can be a default mode of social interaction, but there's a vast gap between saying that teasing can be okay and saying that it should be a default mode of social interaction. Your claim that they are the same is nonsense. There's no doubt that some people try to excuse unacceptable behavior by claiming they were teasing. There's also no doubt that teasing can be done in a way that does not have negative impacts. The same is true of many things in the office. Asking someone to lunch can be a good way to form a positive bond with them or it can be a non-professional actionable move. If a person asks you to stop talking to them in a certain manner or about a certain topic, you should, just like if someone asks you to stop inviting them to lunch, you should. However, you'd never suggest that no one should ever ask a co-worker to join him/her for lunch, would you? Thus, your position is only valid if you belief that all teasing is harmful. That's simply not supportable, regardless of your experience.

marktangotango 11y ago

The problem with playful banter with acquaintances or coworkers is that not everyone has the same threshold or filter for what is or isn't appropriate, or what is or isn't hurtful or insulting. Often times, and what I found with my brother in law is, some can serve it up, but they can't take it in turn without getting all bent out of shape or offended. I have learned over the years it's always best to behave cordially and respectfully toward those I work with. I've come to believe that it's simply not realistic to go to work and expect to form deep friendships with people there. I also think this expectation that everyone should be ok with banter and teasing contributes to the lack of diversity we often see now. If everyone you work with is of a certain type, and interacts in the same way, in way that some find insulting or hurtful, then you are not cultivating a diverse group of people, just more of the same.

deleted 11y ago
[deleted]

__z 11y ago

>are you implying that playful office banter with my coworkers is childish and should not exist? I would avoid playful office banter with coworkers - save it for your good friends. Act professionally at work, goof around after work. It is extremely easy to accidentally create a hostile work environment for some. Those people also don't "need a sense of humor."

pzxc 11y ago

Reciprocated playful office banter is fine. It's childish but it's okay to be childish with someone who wants to be childish also. Unreciprocated playful office banter should not exist. Teasing friends is fine and good, all fun and games, but I think it builds deeper and more meaningful relationships to build people up rather than tear them down (even in jest). I don't make friends with people who tease routinely (all in good fun), but that's my choice. I tolerate it from family, because, family. By the way, most school bullying starts as unreciprocated teasing. Yeah, teasing is childish and I too think friendships are better without it. Maybe it means I take myself too seriously, but I prefer to compensate for others' weaknesses (especially colleagues and spouse) rather than point it out to have a good laugh about it. And if you're a kid, you're not going to be the one who complains about it. You don't know words like introverted or strategies like "haha that's funny, let's change the subject", you're just going to grin and bear it. And then the teaser (in total innocence, not maliciously) is going to be like, "well he always grins when I do that"...