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Most bonds formed by friendships, however strong, are eventually broken with distance and time. This is different from the "community experience" the OP describ

Most bonds formed by friendships, however strong, are eventually broken with distance and time. This is different from the "community experience" the OP describes. You don't need eternal lasting meaningful bonds to form a sense of community. The sense of community can be as transient as the bonds of friendship that form the community itself. College is the last place that can potentially offer this type of community but attending college does not guarantee you'll have such an experience. Even though you missed the experience I'm sure you observed this thing in colleges called "Frats." They get a bad rep, but a fraternity is a good example of a place where you will get this sense of community, however transient it is. Still it is in these communities where you can actually form lasting relationships. Although the majority of people don't see each other again, I'm sure most frat members graduate with one or two lasting friendships.

freditup 11y ago
You're right. The 'community experience' I had (and I in fact went to a large state school as well as the previous poster) was two-fold: One part was the more transient community you described: I could sit in a downtown coffee shop, sit in a study space on campus, etc. and see throughout the day various friends and acquaintances. And honestly, this felt great. It made me feel surrounded by friends and a quick chat provides a fulfilling diversion from work. Of course, many of these relationships faded/are fading away with time after college as life goes on (and that's neither an inherently good nor bad thing). But I also made deep, meaningful, friendships. And I think this is important because it prevents you from the depressing 'isolated while surrounded by friends' type of feeling that social media can give. For me, these people came from the guys I lived with and near freshman year and guys/girls whom I went to church with. (A church by no means has a monopoly on creating healthy community and many churches have unhealthy community. But a church, that is healthy in my opinion, has fantastic community. It's one with trust and care towards each other regardless of flaws and mistakes. It's also is a diverse community with people of all sorts being brought together by a common hope.) Interestingly, one focus we had as a church was intentionally building these kinds of relationships: asking each other out to breakfast or lunch just one on one and having honest conversations with each other. I think this is a great way to form deeper relationships with friends.

freditup 11y ago

You're right. The 'community experience' I had (and I in fact went to a large state school as well as the previous poster) was two-fold: One part was the more transient community you described: I could sit in a downtown coffee shop, sit in a study space on campus, etc. and see throughout the day various friends and acquaintances. And honestly, this felt great. It made me feel surrounded by friends and a quick chat provides a fulfilling diversion from work. Of course, many of these relationships faded/are fading away with time after college as life goes on (and that's neither an inherently good nor bad thing). But I also made deep, meaningful, friendships. And I think this is important because it prevents you from the depressing 'isolated while surrounded by friends' type of feeling that social media can give. For me, these people came from the guys I lived with and near freshman year and guys/girls whom I went to church with. (A church by no means has a monopoly on creating healthy community and many churches have unhealthy community. But a church, that is healthy in my opinion, has fantastic community. It's one with trust and care towards each other regardless of flaws and mistakes. It's also is a diverse community with people of all sorts being brought together by a common hope.) Interestingly, one focus we had as a church was intentionally building these kinds of relationships: asking each other out to breakfast or lunch just one on one and having honest conversations with each other. I think this is a great way to form deeper relationships with friends.