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For someone like me who is borderline Asperger, this is a rather hard game to take part in. I would sometime take it literally and accept their refusal, not rea
by yitchelle 11y ago
For someone like me who is borderline Asperger, this is a rather hard game to take part in. I would sometime take it literally and accept their refusal, not realising that this has caused offense. Other similar taarof exchanges were not respected by me, causing further problems.
As you can imagine, this has causes unintended serious problems/misunderstandings in our social circles.
- stared 11y agoFor exactly that reason (I am poor at mind-reading plus I do value honesty over civility) I like the Bay Area style: you can ask for anything, but you should never expect positive answer for a given. In particular, when I offer a couch, or payment, or a snack, then I mean it (sometimes I made this explicit). And if someone said "no" but wanted to say "yes", well, it's their problem, not mine.
- meric 11y agoI hope the article is informative - just count out their refusals three times.
- smnrchrds 11y agoThat's an oversimplification of a very complex custom. There are no mathematical rules. You need to understand the subtle undertone and leave a margin of error to be sure. By the way, when someone says "Bi Ta'arof migam ..." (meaning "I say this without ta'arof"), it's still ta'arof. OP, I feel your pain. There is no easy way around this.
- yitchelle 11y agoNo, there is no easy way around this. My kids are diagnosed with Asperger. my heart aches when I see them missing social prompts and fail to form the social bonds that are so important at their formative years. When Google glass was first announced, I had hope that it would help with the interpretation of underlying meaning of social interactions. I came to the conclusion that the idea is there, but the technology is not.