Listen to some of the people that are reaching out here. Sometimes I've felt like I've had crossroad moments for a major part of my life, stuck with deep paral

Listen to some of the people that are reaching out here. Sometimes I've felt like I've had crossroad moments for a major part of my life, stuck with deep paralyzing fears because of stupid things I've done. Find someone to talk to, preferably a professional that will let you talk it out without it spilling into your personal life (guilt about burdening my family and friends was a major impediment in getting help). Even though it allowed me to cope and have a professional life, one of the worst things I ever did was to learn to hide how hurt I was. Talk to someone about what you think are the consequences, the worst aspects. Let yourself cry and feel stupid, it's alright. That crap builds up inside you and no matter what, you don't deserve it. And if necessary, consider getting some medical help as well. I have been on anti-anxiety and anti-depression medications ever since I found my father dying from a brain hemorrhage and I couldn't get him to help quickly enough to save him. That event broke me, but I had been building the tension inside for decades. The drugs don't really fix things for me, but they have helped with some of the debilitating physiological aspects, take help from any corner that you can.