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Great story. For those of you who are asking "Why didn't you have an emergency fund?", please consider why you would say such a mean and thoughtless thing. Ar

Great story. For those of you who are asking "Why didn't you have an emergency fund?", please consider why you would say such a mean and thoughtless thing. Are you asking because you want to learn something or are you asking because it makes you feel superior because you made different choices? Do you like it when someone asks you why you made a big mistake (esp when they don't actually care about the answer)?

fsk 11y ago
"Have an emergency fund" is personal finance 101. It's kind of pointless to know enough to earn $100k/year, but not know enough to manage your money.
- shakycode 11y ago
  I was just beginning to make 100k/year. I had the knowledge but was irresponsible with not putting enough away. It was a mistake which I will not incur again.
- chrisbennet 11y ago
  And your point is what? Is it something constructive or are you pig piling on his (now obvious) mistake(s)?
yummyfajitas 11y ago
I have, on a number of occasions, made serious mistakes. On several occasions people have asked me "why didn't you X". Sometimes the answer is "I was stupid and irresponsible". This makes me feel bad, and rightly so. Other times the answer is "I didn't know I could X." Those are the times when I'm very glad someone asked me the "mean and thoughtless" question. Concrete example: a friend of mine graduated coding bootcamp and has been interviewing for her first job. After complaining to me about 2-3 interviews in a row where she bombed questions on the same topic (I think inner joins), I asked a mean and thoughtless question: "why don't you maintain a queue of topics you screw up on interviews, and study one topic each day". Her answer was "I've got no good reason for not doing that". So she made a queue. Then she shrank the queue. The number of questions she messed up started going down. Now she has a job.
- lsc 11y ago
  I find it super amusing how similar interviews at a particular point in time are. It's like all the questions come from the same book that all the managers read or something. If I have a job I want, at this point, I actually try to schedule a couple of interviews at other companies for similar positions first, because then I'll know what questions are "in style" and can make sure I study up on the answers.
- mikro2nd 11y ago
  Sometimes it takes an outsider to see the obvious. Kudos to you for being a good and useful friend instead of just offering sympathy. (By all means offer sympathy, too, but the actionable advice is the more valuable bit.)
thedufer 11y ago
Honestly, the "Why didn't you have an emergency fund?" are probably from people who feel the need to justify their lifestyle. I get it. It feels shitty to see this person owning a house and a sports car while younger than me and making less money than me. So I need to assert that I'm making the right decisions. "Why don't you have an emergency fund?" "Aren't you saving for retirement?" I'm not saying its useful to say those things. But I totally get why one would want to.
- bigtunacan 11y ago
  No, it's just common sense when it comes to finance. But common sense isn't really all that common. I have the nice house and car, but I also have enough saved that if I my wife and I were both to lose our jobs tomorrow we could live for 6 to 10 years unemployed. That is not a brag; nor is it a situation I want to be in. The point is that people need to be responsible and live below their means. There are trade offs to be made. I like sports cars, but I waited to get one until I could pay it off and not be carrying a huge loan. There is something to be said for delayed gratification.
rwallace 11y ago
I think it's important to understand that such remarks, while grammatically in the second person, are not really addressed to the OP (who as he says, has learned from his experiences). They're really addressed to all the other people who have not yet learned those lessons. Maybe in some cases they're addressed to the commenter's acquaintances who make foolish suggestions like 'now you've got a high-paying job, why don't you buy a sports car?' But it is probably also a good idea to not put such remarks in the second person, to avoid confusion.
rsynnott 11y ago
Or to emphasise to people that not having one, where you're earning >100k, is very bloody stupid? It's not an unreasonable thing to point out. Not that I'm not sympathetic, but the primary lesson people should be taking from this is "do not spend above your means if you can possibly avoid doing so".
kamaal 11y ago
>>Are you asking because you want to learn something or are you asking because it makes you feel superior because you made different choices? Yeah, but note these are not 'one event' choices, not opting to save and invest are a long term processes which pan out over months and years. And I would say any one who is doing this, is in full consciousness aware of the risks and melt down that would follow when things go south. Keep this case aside, There are people as of now when we are having this conversation who make crazy salaries and are blowing it all away on gadgets, vacations, and generally things they can't afford/sustain to own on a long term. There are also people who do the exact opposite and save and invest. You shouldn't be surprised where the two kinds of people will end up on a longer run. Yet this is very basic common sense which anybody can understand with a little understanding of math. I don't know of anybody(regardless of how much they earn) who can't bootstrap their their way to at least medium level richness. All it takes is a pen, diary, discipline to save and invest and track things at weekly, monthly an yearly level. It isn't mean or rude. Its just supposed to remind people the next time they are having a nice patch in their life, they should save rather than blow it all away.

fsk 11y ago

"Have an emergency fund" is personal finance 101. It's kind of pointless to know enough to earn $100k/year, but not know enough to manage your money.

shakycode 11y ago
I was just beginning to make 100k/year. I had the knowledge but was irresponsible with not putting enough away. It was a mistake which I will not incur again.
chrisbennet 11y ago
And your point is what? Is it something constructive or are you pig piling on his (now obvious) mistake(s)?

yummyfajitas 11y ago

I have, on a number of occasions, made serious mistakes. On several occasions people have asked me "why didn't you X". Sometimes the answer is "I was stupid and irresponsible". This makes me feel bad, and rightly so. Other times the answer is "I didn't know I could X." Those are the times when I'm very glad someone asked me the "mean and thoughtless" question. Concrete example: a friend of mine graduated coding bootcamp and has been interviewing for her first job. After complaining to me about 2-3 interviews in a row where she bombed questions on the same topic (I think inner joins), I asked a mean and thoughtless question: "why don't you maintain a queue of topics you screw up on interviews, and study one topic each day". Her answer was "I've got no good reason for not doing that". So she made a queue. Then she shrank the queue. The number of questions she messed up started going down. Now she has a job.

lsc 11y ago
I find it super amusing how similar interviews at a particular point in time are. It's like all the questions come from the same book that all the managers read or something. If I have a job I want, at this point, I actually try to schedule a couple of interviews at other companies for similar positions first, because then I'll know what questions are "in style" and can make sure I study up on the answers.
mikro2nd 11y ago
Sometimes it takes an outsider to see the obvious. Kudos to you for being a good and useful friend instead of just offering sympathy. (By all means offer sympathy, too, but the actionable advice is the more valuable bit.)

thedufer 11y ago

Honestly, the "Why didn't you have an emergency fund?" are probably from people who feel the need to justify their lifestyle. I get it. It feels shitty to see this person owning a house and a sports car while younger than me and making less money than me. So I need to assert that I'm making the right decisions. "Why don't you have an emergency fund?" "Aren't you saving for retirement?" I'm not saying its useful to say those things. But I totally get why one would want to.

bigtunacan 11y ago
No, it's just common sense when it comes to finance. But common sense isn't really all that common. I have the nice house and car, but I also have enough saved that if I my wife and I were both to lose our jobs tomorrow we could live for 6 to 10 years unemployed. That is not a brag; nor is it a situation I want to be in. The point is that people need to be responsible and live below their means. There are trade offs to be made. I like sports cars, but I waited to get one until I could pay it off and not be carrying a huge loan. There is something to be said for delayed gratification.

rwallace 11y ago

I think it's important to understand that such remarks, while grammatically in the second person, are not really addressed to the OP (who as he says, has learned from his experiences). They're really addressed to all the other people who have not yet learned those lessons. Maybe in some cases they're addressed to the commenter's acquaintances who make foolish suggestions like 'now you've got a high-paying job, why don't you buy a sports car?' But it is probably also a good idea to not put such remarks in the second person, to avoid confusion.

rsynnott 11y ago

Or to emphasise to people that not having one, where you're earning >100k, is very bloody stupid? It's not an unreasonable thing to point out. Not that I'm not sympathetic, but the primary lesson people should be taking from this is "do not spend above your means if you can possibly avoid doing so".

kamaal 11y ago

>>Are you asking because you want to learn something or are you asking because it makes you feel superior because you made different choices? Yeah, but note these are not 'one event' choices, not opting to save and invest are a long term processes which pan out over months and years. And I would say any one who is doing this, is in full consciousness aware of the risks and melt down that would follow when things go south. Keep this case aside, There are people as of now when we are having this conversation who make crazy salaries and are blowing it all away on gadgets, vacations, and generally things they can't afford/sustain to own on a long term. There are also people who do the exact opposite and save and invest. You shouldn't be surprised where the two kinds of people will end up on a longer run. Yet this is very basic common sense which anybody can understand with a little understanding of math. I don't know of anybody(regardless of how much they earn) who can't bootstrap their their way to at least medium level richness. All it takes is a pen, diary, discipline to save and invest and track things at weekly, monthly an yearly level. It isn't mean or rude. Its just supposed to remind people the next time they are having a nice patch in their life, they should save rather than blow it all away.