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What I don't understand about human nature is that many of us take it as a personal affront when someone else does well. Shouldn't we be happy for them. Instead

What I don't understand about human nature is that many of us take it as a personal affront when someone else does well. Shouldn't we be happy for them. Instead it makes us evaluate our own performance and leads to fear that we may not measure up. If only we could be better humans.

tormeh 11y ago
It's because success is about status, and status is a zero-sum game.
- jacquesm 11y ago
  Success can be defined in many ways, some of those involve status but plenty do not. As soon as your definition of 'success' involves others then you're in the status domain but if your definition of success lets those other people out it becomes a much better driver and is no longer a zero-sum game because you determine what you believe to be your standard for success. For instance, I could define my measure for success as my ability to fix something and then go and do it. If I'm successful I win, if I'm not successful I still learn. It won't matter at all in the eyes of others (to me, at least) what the outcome is and the world as a whole will be better off, even if I'm unsuccessful.
brianmcc 11y ago
Makes me think there could be a little more to this. On the one hand, if a friend or colleague has something go well (personally, in business, whatever), I will be happy for them, and certainly wouldn't begrudge a twitter/facebook "yay me". Alternatively, if someone is constantly self-promoting, they'll quickly find themselves unfollowed. Seems to me general politeness rules apply: brag all the time, and people will think less of you. From the original title, I was expecting a study into the latter. Doesn't come across that way in the end.
anigbrowl 11y ago
There's quite a difference between 'check out how successful I am' and 'check out how successful Someone Else is.' It's the same difference between someone trying to sell you a product or service, and someone observing that the product or service happens to be popular (but who has not interest in persuading you to spend money on it).
ekianjo 11y ago
> when someone else does well The issue is not about casual bragging, there's literally a mass of people out there who live to brag about whatever they do, wherever they go, whoever they are with. And we did not need a study to know that they were annoying.
- pasiaj 11y ago
  > who live to brag about whatever they do, wherever they go, whoever they are with Yeah, but why is that annoying? What is the core reason for reacting negatively to others' self-promotion. The feeling can be quite viceral, and that might suggest an evolutionary origin. Do we equate self-promotion with unfairness, or taking more than your own share? Or does it have to do with our tendency to define our own well being as a comparison to the apparent well being of others (as in: you got a promotion, so my status relative to the average of my social group got worse). The fact is, that self-promotion, at least on social networks, is mostly harmless and should not warrant negative emotions. But it does. And that is interesting.
  - deleted 11y ago
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codingdave 11y ago
I don't think that is human nature. I think that is a societal problem, and not even a universal one.

tormeh 11y ago

It's because success is about status, and status is a zero-sum game.

jacquesm 11y ago
Success can be defined in many ways, some of those involve status but plenty do not. As soon as your definition of 'success' involves others then you're in the status domain but if your definition of success lets those other people out it becomes a much better driver and is no longer a zero-sum game because you determine what you believe to be your standard for success. For instance, I could define my measure for success as my ability to fix something and then go and do it. If I'm successful I win, if I'm not successful I still learn. It won't matter at all in the eyes of others (to me, at least) what the outcome is and the world as a whole will be better off, even if I'm unsuccessful.

brianmcc 11y ago

Makes me think there could be a little more to this. On the one hand, if a friend or colleague has something go well (personally, in business, whatever), I will be happy for them, and certainly wouldn't begrudge a twitter/facebook "yay me". Alternatively, if someone is constantly self-promoting, they'll quickly find themselves unfollowed. Seems to me general politeness rules apply: brag all the time, and people will think less of you. From the original title, I was expecting a study into the latter. Doesn't come across that way in the end.

anigbrowl 11y ago

There's quite a difference between 'check out how successful I am' and 'check out how successful Someone Else is.' It's the same difference between someone trying to sell you a product or service, and someone observing that the product or service happens to be popular (but who has not interest in persuading you to spend money on it).

ekianjo 11y ago

> when someone else does well The issue is not about casual bragging, there's literally a mass of people out there who live to brag about whatever they do, wherever they go, whoever they are with. And we did not need a study to know that they were annoying.

pasiaj 11y ago
> who live to brag about whatever they do, wherever they go, whoever they are with Yeah, but why is that annoying? What is the core reason for reacting negatively to others' self-promotion. The feeling can be quite viceral, and that might suggest an evolutionary origin. Do we equate self-promotion with unfairness, or taking more than your own share? Or does it have to do with our tendency to define our own well being as a comparison to the apparent well being of others (as in: you got a promotion, so my status relative to the average of my social group got worse). The fact is, that self-promotion, at least on social networks, is mostly harmless and should not warrant negative emotions. But it does. And that is interesting.
- deleted 11y ago
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codingdave 11y ago

I don't think that is human nature. I think that is a societal problem, and not even a universal one.