I don't know that there is a clear distinction. "If you do X, then I'll do Y." "I absolutely refuse to do Y, unless you do X exactly the way I want it done."

I don't know that there is a clear distinction. "If you do X, then I'll do Y." "I absolutely refuse to do Y, unless you do X exactly the way I want it done." The above two are making essentially the same statement. The difference is one of attitude. And the attitude behind a short online text message, is something very easy to misinterpret -- or so recent history suggests, IMHO.