3 ms·
You need to hire a writer, or at LEAST a copyeditor. There's numerous mistakes and infelicities. You didn't do a good job of differentiating the different model
by taco_emoji 11y ago
You need to hire a writer, or at LEAST a copyeditor. There's numerous mistakes and infelicities. You didn't do a good job of differentiating the different models - the first two sentences on each description are identical, so there's no need to include them at all. Like it took me way too long to understand that the "lock" model is actually a padlock. Also what is "interlending"?
You also need to hire a designer. The entire page is busy and confusing and doesn't communicate well.
The animation of the iPhone entering sleep mode - what is that supposed to communicate? It's too small to read its screen, so it looks like you're putting the phone into sleep mode. And then it vanishes, for some reason? Does sleep mode make my phone invisible?
The looping background animation is confusing, distracting, and too hard to see to communicate anything worthwhile - it's like a series of nonsense images (crying baby, gun, toilet paper, various signs, a bunch of calendar dates? what the hell is all that supposed to communicate?). The scrolling lags for no reason. The "features" and "connections" sections have icons that respond to mouseover as if to afford clicking, but don't actually respond to clicks. You have quotes not from satisfied customers or impressed journalists, but from the people who made the thing, which is completely pointless.