8 ms·

I am not surprised that a treatment that is so effective to the author has remained unknown to him for so long. I have had feelings of suicide for the last 14 y

I am not surprised that a treatment that is so effective to the author has remained unknown to him for so long. I have had feelings of suicide for the last 14 years. I personally hate meeting psychologists, because they can be so unpredictable. Some of the better ones prescribed me medicine, some of the worse ones, told me I had to stop crying and find solutions to my problems, that I was lazy. I was also told because I could do my job and earn a good living, I had nothing wrong. Few acknowledge that having no friends for 14 years can be disruptive. I am in a state where every moment is sad, but over the years at least I have learnt to keep a happy face on the outside and wait for something to happen. I just wished psychologists be more scientific and stop considering everything trial and error!

a3n 11y ago
> I am in a state where every moment is sad Please, keep trying. As for trial and error, we're far from knowing everything. Among a list of things known to have worked for various people, it is still somewhat trial and error finding out which of those things will work for any individual. We're big bags of meat, bone and mystery, and solving that mystery is a challenge, for ourselves and for our practitioners.
cpncrunch 11y ago
Here are some suggestions that worked for me, and may (or may not) help. I find that depression -- at least for me -- has two main causes: [1] Excessive emotional response to bad situations (similar to what the author of this article is experiencing). and: [2] Insufficient motivation/goals/joy. My solution to [1] is twofold: mindfulness and resolution. Be aware that excessive negative emotional responses are bad (as they lead to depression), so it is better to just observe bad situations and try not to get overly emotional. Secondly, try to resolve the issue (either by actively managing it, or by accepting that the world is just like that and you can't change it), so that the conflict doesn't arise in future. For [2], the solution is to have a purpose in life, with motivating, goal-oriented activities that you enjoy. I suspect this might be the issue for you. There is more to life than having a well-paid job. I gave up very well paid contract work 15 years ago, as I hated it. Since then I have worked on my own business. I earn a hell of a lot less money now, but I'm much happier. Having friends (or at least social contact) is also important to mental health, even if that is just saying hello to people you meet on the street, or chatting to like-minded people online. Please don't wait for something to happen. Take charge of your life and do something about it. Being depressed all the time is an unnatural state, and is your brain's way of telling you that you need to change something in your life. Sometimes you need to make major changes in your life to make things better. Feel free to email me at cpncrunchhn@gmail.com if you want to chat.
- Chinmayh 11y ago
  Thanks cpncrunch! It feels good to have my problems acknowledged. I will remember your advice. Regarding mindfullness, I am trying to be busy all the time and take no breaks. Either do some activity that doesn't let me analyze an event or crash on the bed. The moment I feel I am getting involved in some topic, I just try to move on.
  - judk 11y ago
    Remember that busy doesn't have to mean hectic -- taking a walk or seeing a movie with people is a way to stay busy.
    - cpncrunch 11y ago
      Yes, agreed. Excessive stress can also cause depression. I find hiking, cycling, napping, swimming in the sea, sitting at the beach, etc. are all good for optimum mental health.
- throwaway3301 11y ago
  Re: [2] But what are you to do when you have no purpose in life? No motivating, goal-oriented activities that you enjoy? For many depressed people, including myself, everything seems pointless and therefore nothing has purpose and nothing is motivating or truly interesting. No one really offers any good advice on this part of the solution and yet it's the most important part! Everyone seems to think that everyone must have something that interests them enough to chase a goal for the rest of their lives but I think the reality is that very few people have this. And furthermore motivation ebbs and flows, I have found that it's not very reliable and so a solution that involves it seems oversimplified to me.
  - DanBC 11y ago
    There's a concept of "social prescribing" being developed. So, if you need to go to a gym a doctor will give you a prescription which gives you cheaper access to a gym. There are a bunch of organisations to provide "vocational services" for people with mental health problems. Vocational services doesn't just mean work based activity, it involves social and sports and etc stuff too. This used to be "day services" and was provided in sub-optimal ways. Usually it'd be in a room in a hospital or other mental health building, and there would be strict segregation so no members of the general community would use the room and people with a MH problem wouldn't use rooms in the wider community. There was little concept of progression or push. The Sainsbury Centre for Mental Health did a great report and so now day services are better - although still no where near good enough. My local area has "People and Places". They have a large allotment in a normal allotments place. They grow fruit and veg and flowers with other gardening work. There's also the Independence Trust which run a variety of different groups and sign post to other groups. Both these groups work with people at most stages of illness (not while they're detained under section in hospital, but pretty much everything else) and they can tailor the work to what the people feel able to do. http://www.independencetrust.co.uk/ http://www.independencetrust.co.uk/ http://www.peopleandplacesglos.co.uk/ http://www.peopleandplacesglos.co.uk/
eli_gottlieb 11y ago
>having no friends for 14 years can be disruptive WHAT THE UNHOLY FLYING FUCK!? How are you not dead? No actual personal relationships closer than coworker or acquaintance, other than possibly your parents? Near-total personal isolation? FOR 14 YEARS!? That would have broken me in mere months.
- maxerickson 11y ago
  If this is really what you want to say, maybe try to spend a bit more effort saying it.
  - randxx 11y ago
    Yeah, a little sympathy and open-mindedness here would be helpful. I'm a grown adult, C-level professional with ZERO real-world friends. And I've tried... but the connections haven't stuck. It's quite bothersome, and makes you question everything about yourself and why this outcome could possibly be true after a lifetime of having tried to maintain and improve connections with others. I've adopted a more tolerant and accepting self-view with respect to this, and the pain level of being completely socially isolated is in the 20-30% range, but the pain of on-going disinterest on the part of others was quite high.. like 80-90%. So it's a bit of progress. But my point is: for those who haven't found their way to an operable level of acceptance, a "WTF!" response isn't kind or helpful or insightful. There are many of us "ForeverAlone"-ers out there, and trust me... we're 10x more confused than you might profess to be.
    - Chinmayh 11y ago
      Thanks for the support!! I have heard a lot worse from people. The worst is always when I am suddenly cut off from their life or just ignored. Well, the only way is to move on and try again in such situations. Over analyzing or confrontation only hurts more.
  - eli_gottlieb 11y ago
    Effort? The more effort you spend on being shocked and appalled, the falser it appears. And I am really, properly shocked and appalled. I fail to conceive of how people could ever not be terminally depressed in that situation. I fail to understand how they can keep functioning in that situation. How can people live that way? Worse: how do we expect people to live that way?

a3n 11y ago

> I am in a state where every moment is sad Please, keep trying. As for trial and error, we're far from knowing everything. Among a list of things known to have worked for various people, it is still somewhat trial and error finding out which of those things will work for any individual. We're big bags of meat, bone and mystery, and solving that mystery is a challenge, for ourselves and for our practitioners.

cpncrunch 11y ago

Here are some suggestions that worked for me, and may (or may not) help. I find that depression -- at least for me -- has two main causes: [1] Excessive emotional response to bad situations (similar to what the author of this article is experiencing). and: [2] Insufficient motivation/goals/joy. My solution to [1] is twofold: mindfulness and resolution. Be aware that excessive negative emotional responses are bad (as they lead to depression), so it is better to just observe bad situations and try not to get overly emotional. Secondly, try to resolve the issue (either by actively managing it, or by accepting that the world is just like that and you can't change it), so that the conflict doesn't arise in future. For [2], the solution is to have a purpose in life, with motivating, goal-oriented activities that you enjoy. I suspect this might be the issue for you. There is more to life than having a well-paid job. I gave up very well paid contract work 15 years ago, as I hated it. Since then I have worked on my own business. I earn a hell of a lot less money now, but I'm much happier. Having friends (or at least social contact) is also important to mental health, even if that is just saying hello to people you meet on the street, or chatting to like-minded people online. Please don't wait for something to happen. Take charge of your life and do something about it. Being depressed all the time is an unnatural state, and is your brain's way of telling you that you need to change something in your life. Sometimes you need to make major changes in your life to make things better. Feel free to email me at cpncrunchhn@gmail.com if you want to chat.

Chinmayh 11y ago
Thanks cpncrunch! It feels good to have my problems acknowledged. I will remember your advice. Regarding mindfullness, I am trying to be busy all the time and take no breaks. Either do some activity that doesn't let me analyze an event or crash on the bed. The moment I feel I am getting involved in some topic, I just try to move on.
- judk 11y ago
  Remember that busy doesn't have to mean hectic -- taking a walk or seeing a movie with people is a way to stay busy.
  - cpncrunch 11y ago
    Yes, agreed. Excessive stress can also cause depression. I find hiking, cycling, napping, swimming in the sea, sitting at the beach, etc. are all good for optimum mental health.
throwaway3301 11y ago
Re: [2] But what are you to do when you have no purpose in life? No motivating, goal-oriented activities that you enjoy? For many depressed people, including myself, everything seems pointless and therefore nothing has purpose and nothing is motivating or truly interesting. No one really offers any good advice on this part of the solution and yet it's the most important part! Everyone seems to think that everyone must have something that interests them enough to chase a goal for the rest of their lives but I think the reality is that very few people have this. And furthermore motivation ebbs and flows, I have found that it's not very reliable and so a solution that involves it seems oversimplified to me.
- DanBC 11y ago
  There's a concept of "social prescribing" being developed. So, if you need to go to a gym a doctor will give you a prescription which gives you cheaper access to a gym. There are a bunch of organisations to provide "vocational services" for people with mental health problems. Vocational services doesn't just mean work based activity, it involves social and sports and etc stuff too. This used to be "day services" and was provided in sub-optimal ways. Usually it'd be in a room in a hospital or other mental health building, and there would be strict segregation so no members of the general community would use the room and people with a MH problem wouldn't use rooms in the wider community. There was little concept of progression or push. The Sainsbury Centre for Mental Health did a great report and so now day services are better - although still no where near good enough. My local area has "People and Places". They have a large allotment in a normal allotments place. They grow fruit and veg and flowers with other gardening work. There's also the Independence Trust which run a variety of different groups and sign post to other groups. Both these groups work with people at most stages of illness (not while they're detained under section in hospital, but pretty much everything else) and they can tailor the work to what the people feel able to do. http://www.independencetrust.co.uk/ http://www.independencetrust.co.uk/ http://www.peopleandplacesglos.co.uk/ http://www.peopleandplacesglos.co.uk/

eli_gottlieb 11y ago

>having no friends for 14 years can be disruptive WHAT THE UNHOLY FLYING FUCK!? How are you not dead? No actual personal relationships closer than coworker or acquaintance, other than possibly your parents? Near-total personal isolation? FOR 14 YEARS!? That would have broken me in mere months.

maxerickson 11y ago
If this is really what you want to say, maybe try to spend a bit more effort saying it.
- randxx 11y ago
  Yeah, a little sympathy and open-mindedness here would be helpful. I'm a grown adult, C-level professional with ZERO real-world friends. And I've tried... but the connections haven't stuck. It's quite bothersome, and makes you question everything about yourself and why this outcome could possibly be true after a lifetime of having tried to maintain and improve connections with others. I've adopted a more tolerant and accepting self-view with respect to this, and the pain level of being completely socially isolated is in the 20-30% range, but the pain of on-going disinterest on the part of others was quite high.. like 80-90%. So it's a bit of progress. But my point is: for those who haven't found their way to an operable level of acceptance, a "WTF!" response isn't kind or helpful or insightful. There are many of us "ForeverAlone"-ers out there, and trust me... we're 10x more confused than you might profess to be.
  - Chinmayh 11y ago
    Thanks for the support!! I have heard a lot worse from people. The worst is always when I am suddenly cut off from their life or just ignored. Well, the only way is to move on and try again in such situations. Over analyzing or confrontation only hurts more.
- eli_gottlieb 11y ago
  Effort? The more effort you spend on being shocked and appalled, the falser it appears. And I am really, properly shocked and appalled. I fail to conceive of how people could ever not be terminally depressed in that situation. I fail to understand how they can keep functioning in that situation. How can people live that way? Worse: how do we expect people to live that way?