3 ms·

I've deleted this comment based on replies, I may have had wrong information : )

by ep103 11y ago

dragonwriter 11y ago
You can try, but every study I've seen has found that men are favored in contested custody proceedings. Its true that women are more likely to end up with custody, but that appears to because they are vastly more likely to seek custody.
- arzugula 11y ago
  You seem to think men can just walk down to the "Fathers Who Want Custody Office" and declare "Give me form #1 please! I'll have it filled out and be with my child again by this afternoon!" What is ignored when people make the "There's no bias in family court! Fathers just don't seek custody!" claim: 1. Who gets automatic custody? Custody of children born out of wedlock is automatically given to the mother. In most states custody of children in divorced families also goes automatically to the mother. In both cases the father must undergo a lengthy and expensive legal process (depending on how willing the mother is to allow him access - the father is at the mercy of the mother to allow him to be in his children's lives). It is then the father's "privilege" to sue for custody. 2. The price of seeking custody for men - fathers must pony up the cash, time, and emotional expense for: * Hiring a family practice lawyer (thousands of dollars) * Paying for a custody mediator (hundreds of dollars) * Paying for supervised visitation (hundreds of dollars) * Custody screenings (hundreds-thousands of dollars) * Psychological evaluation (hundreds of dollars and the risk of thrusting oneself into the state psychological system) * Drug testing (massive invasion of privacy). 3. While the father is busy jumping through these hoops and spending the required thousands of dollars, he is also expected to be paying child support (and alimony if he was married). If he fails to do so he will be jailed, have his state professional and drivers licenses revoked, and face public humiliation as a "dead beat dad". 4. Law surrounding domestic and sexual violence make it extremely easy for mothers to accuse fathers with a complete lack of evidence. This is extremely common ( http://www.saveservices.org/camp/faam-2011/false-accusations-of-domestic-violence-by-the-numbers/ http://www.saveservices.org/camp/faam-2011/false-accusations... ). Now the father is fighting a criminal charge while fighting for custody of his children. Thanks to VAWA/The Duluth Model, even with no evidence he will be arrested and charged. Lets take a look at what it really means to be a father facing the family court system: You are unable to see your child for months or even years, yet you are sending 25%+ of your income every month to their mother - the person who is preventing you from being in your kids lives. You are expected to continue sending these payments, while opening your life to rigorous inspection from the state and funding your custody battle. You are attending mediation and court hearings while holding down a full-time job - a job that if you lose, you will be unable to make your payments and end up a felon in child support arrears. During all of this your risk of being falsely accused of domestic or sexual violence is increased exponentially. When people like yourself try and spin the horrific situation that men face in the family court system as "men just don't want custody" it makes my blood boil. You ignore the cost of the process, you ignore the unequal laws surrounding parenthood and reproduction, and you ignore the normalized alienation of fathers from their children that is increasing exponentially and having a disastrous effect on society. If you are still confused about how family court works, I invite you to watch the documentary Divorce Corp. and get a more accurate understanding about how fathers are routinely alienated from their children by vindictive mothers with full support from the state.
- GuiA 11y ago
  'arzugula (who replied to 'dragonwriter with an appropriate post), your account is shadow banned.
- Lawtonfogle 11y ago
  >You can try, but every study I've seen has found that men are favored in contested custody proceedings. Do they? Every study I have seen has never accounted for the differences in the average case where the man challenges vs. the average case where they do not. Perhaps they are discriminated against to the point that they only seek to challenge the status quo when they have a very good case, which is why they win more often when they do challenge.

I've deleted this comment based on replies, I may have had wrong information : )

by ep103 11y ago

I've deleted this comment based on replies, I may have had wrong information : )

You can try, but every study I've seen has found that men are favored in contested custody proceedings. Its true that women are more likely to end up with custody, but that appears to because they are vastly more likely to seek custody.

arzugula 11y ago
You seem to think men can just walk down to the "Fathers Who Want Custody Office" and declare "Give me form #1 please! I'll have it filled out and be with my child again by this afternoon!" What is ignored when people make the "There's no bias in family court! Fathers just don't seek custody!" claim: 1. Who gets automatic custody? Custody of children born out of wedlock is automatically given to the mother. In most states custody of children in divorced families also goes automatically to the mother. In both cases the father must undergo a lengthy and expensive legal process (depending on how willing the mother is to allow him access - the father is at the mercy of the mother to allow him to be in his children's lives). It is then the father's "privilege" to sue for custody. 2. The price of seeking custody for men - fathers must pony up the cash, time, and emotional expense for: * Hiring a family practice lawyer (thousands of dollars) * Paying for a custody mediator (hundreds of dollars) * Paying for supervised visitation (hundreds of dollars) * Custody screenings (hundreds-thousands of dollars) * Psychological evaluation (hundreds of dollars and the risk of thrusting oneself into the state psychological system) * Drug testing (massive invasion of privacy). 3. While the father is busy jumping through these hoops and spending the required thousands of dollars, he is also expected to be paying child support (and alimony if he was married). If he fails to do so he will be jailed, have his state professional and drivers licenses revoked, and face public humiliation as a "dead beat dad". 4. Law surrounding domestic and sexual violence make it extremely easy for mothers to accuse fathers with a complete lack of evidence. This is extremely common ( http://www.saveservices.org/camp/faam-2011/false-accusations-of-domestic-violence-by-the-numbers/ http://www.saveservices.org/camp/faam-2011/false-accusations... ). Now the father is fighting a criminal charge while fighting for custody of his children. Thanks to VAWA/The Duluth Model, even with no evidence he will be arrested and charged. Lets take a look at what it really means to be a father facing the family court system: You are unable to see your child for months or even years, yet you are sending 25%+ of your income every month to their mother - the person who is preventing you from being in your kids lives. You are expected to continue sending these payments, while opening your life to rigorous inspection from the state and funding your custody battle. You are attending mediation and court hearings while holding down a full-time job - a job that if you lose, you will be unable to make your payments and end up a felon in child support arrears. During all of this your risk of being falsely accused of domestic or sexual violence is increased exponentially. When people like yourself try and spin the horrific situation that men face in the family court system as "men just don't want custody" it makes my blood boil. You ignore the cost of the process, you ignore the unequal laws surrounding parenthood and reproduction, and you ignore the normalized alienation of fathers from their children that is increasing exponentially and having a disastrous effect on society. If you are still confused about how family court works, I invite you to watch the documentary Divorce Corp. and get a more accurate understanding about how fathers are routinely alienated from their children by vindictive mothers with full support from the state.
GuiA 11y ago
'arzugula (who replied to 'dragonwriter with an appropriate post), your account is shadow banned.
Lawtonfogle 11y ago
>You can try, but every study I've seen has found that men are favored in contested custody proceedings. Do they? Every study I have seen has never accounted for the differences in the average case where the man challenges vs. the average case where they do not. Perhaps they are discriminated against to the point that they only seek to challenge the status quo when they have a very good case, which is why they win more often when they do challenge.