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In January, a student from my alma mater flew all the way across the country to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. I ended up reading a New Yorker article from 20

In January, a student from my alma mater flew all the way across the country to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. I ended up reading a New Yorker article from 2003[1] about Golden Gate jumpers and this anecdote stopped me: Motto had a patient who committed suicide from the Golden Gate in 1963, but the jump that affected him most occurred in the seventies. “I went to this guy’s apartment afterward with the assistant medical examiner,” he told me. “The guy was in his thirties, lived alone, pretty bare apartment. He’d written a note and left it on his bureau. It said, ‘I’m going to walk to the bridge. If one person smiles at me on the way, I will not jump.’” He jumped. And ever since I read that, I've made it a personal mission to smile at everyone I pass on the sidewalk every day. Not only does suicide have unknowable impacts on all of the people around you, but even your most insignificant actions could have an enormous impact on the people around you. Be good to others -- you never know how much it might mean to them. [1] http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2003/10/13/jumpers http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2003/10/13/jumpers

gheiou 11y ago
I knew her--the days after her suicide were pretty surreal, because I always needed to ask my self if I had just been a little more hospitable or a little nicer that one time, could it have made a difference? How we act matters.
- deleted 11y ago
  [deleted]
- tptacek 11y ago
  How we act matters, but we are not as a rule inadvertently responsible for the serious medical conditions of others. Suicide isn't a disease of affection deficiency. It should help to know that reaching the state of being one smile away from suicide implies a profoundly severe illness; the problem wasn't smiles, it was the way we route the ill to the mental health resources they need.
  - jules 11y ago
    In my view it's a harmful oversimplification that suicidal people are simply sick and need to get their mind fixed. I know it's not what you meant, but that's what reflexively rubbed me the wrong way about this comment because I have seen this attitude multiple times from other people who did mean that. One needs to consider that suicide is not just an affliction of the mind, it's also a product of the circumstances a normal person finds him or herself in. It's not just the thoughts that need fixing, it's the circumstances too. Usually this is a chicken and egg problem: the thoughts prevent the person from fixing the circumstances himself, and the circumstances reinforce negative thoughts. This way somebody can get sucked deeper and deeper into a black hole of increasingly irrational negative thoughts. Even if the thoughts are clearly irrational to an outsider, they are not to the person themselves. Therefore suggesting that they simply fix their mind does not help. In their view their mind is not just what needs to be fixed, it's also the circumstances. We all should do our best to not create such circumstances and to fix them when they exist. In the story of the OP for example, it's fair to say that the behaviour of the professor played a big role in almost causing his suicide. If suicide is caused by circumstances a normal person finds him or herself in, do we not bear a collective responsibility to prevent it, even if it's just a smile?
    - tptacek 11y ago
      No. If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal impulses, you are experiencing a medical emergency. Please get professional help as soon as possible.
      - pen2l 11y ago
        "No."? Jules' thoughtful comment deserved better than that terse derision. And, the attitude of simplifying all of this to "get professional help asap" is not very productive. For one, not everyone can afford or access that kind of help. Two, pronto professional help can sometimes yield to bad choices very quickly. Blowing it up risks violating a depressed individual's privacy, they might see that as an action of offense. When a friend of mine was suicidal some odd years ago, I didn't just dial the phone for some professionals to get him, I tried to make it clear to him how much I valued his friendship and what it would do to me if he were to go away -- the guy is rocking life these days. Of course that's definitely not to say don't call for help, rather that this sort of thing demands a more considered response.
- hga 11y ago
  Not necessarily. Because of cognitive distortions (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion) it's entirely possible people smiled at this person and they didn't realize it, or accept it. That said, I've never seen any harm in being generally nice and hospitable, and it can do more than a little good.
Dewie3 11y ago
That's a nice gesture and sentiment. But this kind of thinking would be a ridiculous way to live. A smile towards someone can be interpreted as you laughing at them, which wouldn't help someone who felt bad about themselves. Yes, you've got to consider this possibility if you accept that train of thought. There are simply too many variables and the state of people's mind is too complex to ever hope to save people from going over the edge by such small gestures and actions, or to avoid sending them over the edge by some totally innocuous and well-meant action.

gheiou 11y ago

I knew her--the days after her suicide were pretty surreal, because I always needed to ask my self if I had just been a little more hospitable or a little nicer that one time, could it have made a difference? How we act matters.

deleted 11y ago
[deleted]
tptacek 11y ago
How we act matters, but we are not as a rule inadvertently responsible for the serious medical conditions of others. Suicide isn't a disease of affection deficiency. It should help to know that reaching the state of being one smile away from suicide implies a profoundly severe illness; the problem wasn't smiles, it was the way we route the ill to the mental health resources they need.
- jules 11y ago
  In my view it's a harmful oversimplification that suicidal people are simply sick and need to get their mind fixed. I know it's not what you meant, but that's what reflexively rubbed me the wrong way about this comment because I have seen this attitude multiple times from other people who did mean that. One needs to consider that suicide is not just an affliction of the mind, it's also a product of the circumstances a normal person finds him or herself in. It's not just the thoughts that need fixing, it's the circumstances too. Usually this is a chicken and egg problem: the thoughts prevent the person from fixing the circumstances himself, and the circumstances reinforce negative thoughts. This way somebody can get sucked deeper and deeper into a black hole of increasingly irrational negative thoughts. Even if the thoughts are clearly irrational to an outsider, they are not to the person themselves. Therefore suggesting that they simply fix their mind does not help. In their view their mind is not just what needs to be fixed, it's also the circumstances. We all should do our best to not create such circumstances and to fix them when they exist. In the story of the OP for example, it's fair to say that the behaviour of the professor played a big role in almost causing his suicide. If suicide is caused by circumstances a normal person finds him or herself in, do we not bear a collective responsibility to prevent it, even if it's just a smile?
  - tptacek 11y ago
    No. If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal impulses, you are experiencing a medical emergency. Please get professional help as soon as possible.
    - pen2l 11y ago
      "No."? Jules' thoughtful comment deserved better than that terse derision. And, the attitude of simplifying all of this to "get professional help asap" is not very productive. For one, not everyone can afford or access that kind of help. Two, pronto professional help can sometimes yield to bad choices very quickly. Blowing it up risks violating a depressed individual's privacy, they might see that as an action of offense. When a friend of mine was suicidal some odd years ago, I didn't just dial the phone for some professionals to get him, I tried to make it clear to him how much I valued his friendship and what it would do to me if he were to go away -- the guy is rocking life these days. Of course that's definitely not to say don't call for help, rather that this sort of thing demands a more considered response.
hga 11y ago
Not necessarily. Because of cognitive distortions (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion) it's entirely possible people smiled at this person and they didn't realize it, or accept it. That said, I've never seen any harm in being generally nice and hospitable, and it can do more than a little good.

Dewie3 11y ago

That's a nice gesture and sentiment. But this kind of thinking would be a ridiculous way to live. A smile towards someone can be interpreted as you laughing at them, which wouldn't help someone who felt bad about themselves. Yes, you've got to consider this possibility if you accept that train of thought. There are simply too many variables and the state of people's mind is too complex to ever hope to save people from going over the edge by such small gestures and actions, or to avoid sending them over the edge by some totally innocuous and well-meant action.