3 ms·

The copy is too aggressive, I understand your position but as I was reading more of the page the more disconnected I was. IMO, you should rewrite it to make it

by edu 17y ago

The copy is too aggressive, I understand your position but as I was reading more of the page the more disconnected I was. IMO, you should rewrite it to make it more persuasive.

pmichaud 17y ago
I didn't think it was too aggressive. Maybe you're just not comfortable with frank, direct writing?
- edu 17y ago
  You Are Indifferent So, you don't really care about people who die from Chordoma? Fine. There's room for you too. If Chordoma is cured, you wont have to be nagged by me anymore. Pimp. This sounds quite aggressive to me. Probably if somebody is in deferent and reads this won't be convinced.
  - chasingsparks 17y ago
    Agreed. Deleted that part. Thanks.
chasingsparks 17y ago
My friend seem equally split on this issue. I prefer direct writing, but even some of them -- people who liked me -- said they were turned off. On the other hand, a lot of them said things like, "I wish most solicitations were like this. Just tell me what you want and if i can I will." I.E. I am not sure if i should or should not change it.
- pmichaud 17y ago
  I think it's more effective to ask for a specific dollar amount. If you notice, radio pledge drives and the like mention a "suggested donation amount" constantly. That way you short circuit all kinds of over thinking people do. Ask for $100 then tell people if they can't afford it, to give less, and that every bit helps.
- edu 17y ago
  I guess it's a difficult choice, I'd stick to the one that feels more authentic to you. It's impossible that everybody likes it.
ErrantX 17y ago
agreed. I also felt the copy reads like the writer is angry specifically with us. Particularly the bit at the end needs to go. Some parts of the text seem irrationally argued as well. Particularly the graph. There is no real evidence (or links to evidence) to back up the claim. Finally it does look a tiny weeny little bit like the "EARN $500 A DAY" pages that crop up a lot. Only a little but probably enough to put people off.
- chasingsparks 17y ago
  Deleted the bottom part (indifferent). I agree. It was ill conceived.

by edu 17y ago

The copy is too aggressive, I understand your position but as I was reading more of the page the more disconnected I was. IMO, you should rewrite it to make it more persuasive.

pmichaud 17y ago

I didn't think it was too aggressive. Maybe you're just not comfortable with frank, direct writing?

edu 17y ago
You Are Indifferent So, you don't really care about people who die from Chordoma? Fine. There's room for you too. If Chordoma is cured, you wont have to be nagged by me anymore. Pimp. This sounds quite aggressive to me. Probably if somebody is in deferent and reads this won't be convinced.
- chasingsparks 17y ago
  Agreed. Deleted that part. Thanks.

chasingsparks 17y ago

My friend seem equally split on this issue. I prefer direct writing, but even some of them -- people who liked me -- said they were turned off. On the other hand, a lot of them said things like, "I wish most solicitations were like this. Just tell me what you want and if i can I will." I.E. I am not sure if i should or should not change it.

pmichaud 17y ago
I think it's more effective to ask for a specific dollar amount. If you notice, radio pledge drives and the like mention a "suggested donation amount" constantly. That way you short circuit all kinds of over thinking people do. Ask for $100 then tell people if they can't afford it, to give less, and that every bit helps.
edu 17y ago
I guess it's a difficult choice, I'd stick to the one that feels more authentic to you. It's impossible that everybody likes it.

ErrantX 17y ago

agreed. I also felt the copy reads like the writer is angry specifically with us. Particularly the bit at the end needs to go. Some parts of the text seem irrationally argued as well. Particularly the graph. There is no real evidence (or links to evidence) to back up the claim. Finally it does look a tiny weeny little bit like the "EARN $500 A DAY" pages that crop up a lot. Only a little but probably enough to put people off.

chasingsparks 17y ago
Deleted the bottom part (indifferent). I agree. It was ill conceived.