Ok I read what you have rewritten but found it oddly very very fast paced. May be its just me, I wanted this story to be subtle and a bit slow. That may become

Ok I read what you have rewritten but found it oddly very very fast paced. May be its just me, I wanted this story to be subtle and a bit slow. That may become clearer why in the second half which has some good pace but I want the effect of the second half to be as subtle. May be the experiment went wrong with the style.