3 ms·

I quit my job to travel the world about 5 years ago. I lucked out in some investments and am now in an early retirement, mostly spend my day working on my own c

I quit my job to travel the world about 5 years ago. I lucked out in some investments and am now in an early retirement, mostly spend my day working on my own computer projects, surfing, and occasionally going on trips to different places. I came back after a year, but after spending 18 months in the states, wanted to go travelling again. I'm currently staying in Taiwan, and periodically travel to the neighboring countries. I'm not sure whether it was a good decision or not. It felt like I unplugged myself from my peers, friends, and culture. After coming back, I felt out of place, and just not into what everyone else around me was. It's strange how much a shared perspective on life seems to matter regards to enjoying your relationships with others. It was like I was being slowly wrapped in a spider's web, being bombarded with the thoughts and concerns of others that I couldn't relate to anymore. There was quite a lot of loneliness I had to deal with. That was the main emotion, I think, from when I started. Everyone became a foreigner to me after awhile. I wasn't sure about mentioning this, but I think it's kind of important. I know of two other people who travelled like I did.. They both were really smart, both into IT, paid well, and they both (separately) went travelling for an extended period of time and ended up committing suicide. I can't really speak for why they did it. I know I felt depressed for a period of time, but got out of it. However, it is really fascinating going to a new culture. And the longer you stay in a single place, the further the intricacies of the culture are revealed to you. There is something that is really hard to describe when you let people from other cultures rub off on you. After coming back to the states, I used to have dreams of my trip, nearly every night, coupled with an intense feeling of longing, which is a big reason as to why I left again, the second time. So, I learned a lot of amazing things, but at the same time, I think I lost something that I can never get back. But heck, my sadness may have to do with not needing to work anymore and adjusting to that life. Or because I've always been an introvert, and becoming an outsider, too, was just too much to overcome in order to establish solid relationships with people from my own culture again. Or because I had a tough childhood, etc., etc. I really don't have a conclusion, and probably never will. YMMV. That's all I can say, really.

mistermann 12y ago
Have you been to Japan? man, if I was fortunate enough to be in your situation, I would go spend a very long time there. Such a pleasant country, totally different culture from the west, but first world++.
seekingcharlie 12y ago
I see myself starting to feel like this too. Granted I've only been traveling for just over a year, but I do feel like a bit of an outsider everywhere - even when I was recently in my hometown in Australia. I've found that keeping a routine, exercising & making sure I'm still doing the things I enjoy (painting, taking photos, writing) are really important for my sanity.
walterbell 12y ago
Possibly relevant: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_culture_kid http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_culture_kid
- ggreer 12y ago
  I think the comparison to third culture kids is quite relevant. My dad was in the military for my first 15 years, which meant we lived in a lot of random places. My parents wanted to expose me to other cultures, so they typically lived off-base and sent me to local schools. The whole experience made my childhood more stressful than most, but looking back I'm very thankful. I admit I'm missing out on some things. I don't have a home town. I don't remember the names of childhood friends, let alone keep in touch with them. I find it hard to care about local sports teams. But the benefits far outweigh the downsides. My view of culture is much less parochial than most. I've seen the same mental algorithms running on different data sets. It's almost like cultures are using one Mad Libs template, but substituting different words. And unlike a lot of people in my demographic, I've been on the receiving end of racism (both explicit and unconscious). I find this helps me empathize with victims of current discrimination.[1] It's fascinating to hear from someone who first experienced other cultures later in life. The realizations seem similar, but more unpleasant. While reading the grandparent's post, a strange thought popped into my head: "It's as if an adult just discovered the truth about Santa Claus." Writing this, I can still see the resemblance. GP: Please don't take that as an insult. Most people never realize how provincial their worldview is. 1. It also helps me see the perpetrators as victims of their own culture. Obviously, this doesn't excuse their behavior, but it does help one understand it. Had I spent my whole childhood in Alabama, there's a decent chance I'd be an unpleasant bigot. Instead, I see such people and think, "There but for fortune go I."
hugogee 12y ago
I believe there is a spectrum with individuality on one end and community at opposite end. The closer we get to one the further we are from the other. I assume that leaving your culture has brought you closer to your self and many of the securities that lie within the pack have disappeared. Perhaps by getting comfortable with the discomfort(easier said than done) new experiences await you??
deleted 12y ago
[deleted]
wwwater 12y ago
Thanks for writing this. I liked how you described these feelings about coming back. > It's strange how much a shared perspective on life seems to matter regards to enjoying your relationships with others. That's my permanent state as being an xpat. I don't like to travel in the sence what is usually meant by it. For me it is also just exhausting and similar to what the OP said. But I like to live somewhere else. You learn to see the world and people differently. Though you have to learn how to not feel lonely because of the fact that you are different and have special feelings and thoughts. You need to learn filtering people in order to find those with whom you have something in common. So the problem is not that you cannot approach new people, but that most of them are just of no interest for you.
maxlambic 12y ago
Very interesting viewpoint on solo traveling, and sorry to hear about your friends. Did the 2 friends who committed suicide travel by themselves? Do you know if they committed suicide while traveling or after coming back? I wonder what is the rate of depression when coming back from a long solo travel trip due to reverse culture shock and feeling lonely/disconnected from your family and old friends. It is probably hard to figure out whether these kind of long solo trips may cause depression, or whether people who are prone to depression are more likely to want to escape their current situation and take these kind of long solo trips. I've always wanted to do a long solo trip around the world but this is making me think I should really find a friend/partner willing to do it with me.
- reddytowns 12y ago
  I didn't know either of them that well. One committed suicide after coming back. The other after two years of perpetual travel. I know what you mean. In my personal case, I started travelling because I wasn't satisfied with my life and didn't know what else to do.

mistermann 12y ago

Have you been to Japan? man, if I was fortunate enough to be in your situation, I would go spend a very long time there. Such a pleasant country, totally different culture from the west, but first world++.

seekingcharlie 12y ago

I see myself starting to feel like this too. Granted I've only been traveling for just over a year, but I do feel like a bit of an outsider everywhere - even when I was recently in my hometown in Australia. I've found that keeping a routine, exercising & making sure I'm still doing the things I enjoy (painting, taking photos, writing) are really important for my sanity.

walterbell 12y ago

Possibly relevant: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_culture_kid http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_culture_kid

ggreer 12y ago
I think the comparison to third culture kids is quite relevant. My dad was in the military for my first 15 years, which meant we lived in a lot of random places. My parents wanted to expose me to other cultures, so they typically lived off-base and sent me to local schools. The whole experience made my childhood more stressful than most, but looking back I'm very thankful. I admit I'm missing out on some things. I don't have a home town. I don't remember the names of childhood friends, let alone keep in touch with them. I find it hard to care about local sports teams. But the benefits far outweigh the downsides. My view of culture is much less parochial than most. I've seen the same mental algorithms running on different data sets. It's almost like cultures are using one Mad Libs template, but substituting different words. And unlike a lot of people in my demographic, I've been on the receiving end of racism (both explicit and unconscious). I find this helps me empathize with victims of current discrimination.[1] It's fascinating to hear from someone who first experienced other cultures later in life. The realizations seem similar, but more unpleasant. While reading the grandparent's post, a strange thought popped into my head: "It's as if an adult just discovered the truth about Santa Claus." Writing this, I can still see the resemblance. GP: Please don't take that as an insult. Most people never realize how provincial their worldview is. 1. It also helps me see the perpetrators as victims of their own culture. Obviously, this doesn't excuse their behavior, but it does help one understand it. Had I spent my whole childhood in Alabama, there's a decent chance I'd be an unpleasant bigot. Instead, I see such people and think, "There but for fortune go I."

hugogee 12y ago

I believe there is a spectrum with individuality on one end and community at opposite end. The closer we get to one the further we are from the other. I assume that leaving your culture has brought you closer to your self and many of the securities that lie within the pack have disappeared. Perhaps by getting comfortable with the discomfort(easier said than done) new experiences await you??

deleted 12y ago

[deleted]

wwwater 12y ago

Thanks for writing this. I liked how you described these feelings about coming back. > It's strange how much a shared perspective on life seems to matter regards to enjoying your relationships with others. That's my permanent state as being an xpat. I don't like to travel in the sence what is usually meant by it. For me it is also just exhausting and similar to what the OP said. But I like to live somewhere else. You learn to see the world and people differently. Though you have to learn how to not feel lonely because of the fact that you are different and have special feelings and thoughts. You need to learn filtering people in order to find those with whom you have something in common. So the problem is not that you cannot approach new people, but that most of them are just of no interest for you.

maxlambic 12y ago

Very interesting viewpoint on solo traveling, and sorry to hear about your friends. Did the 2 friends who committed suicide travel by themselves? Do you know if they committed suicide while traveling or after coming back? I wonder what is the rate of depression when coming back from a long solo travel trip due to reverse culture shock and feeling lonely/disconnected from your family and old friends. It is probably hard to figure out whether these kind of long solo trips may cause depression, or whether people who are prone to depression are more likely to want to escape their current situation and take these kind of long solo trips. I've always wanted to do a long solo trip around the world but this is making me think I should really find a friend/partner willing to do it with me.

reddytowns 12y ago
I didn't know either of them that well. One committed suicide after coming back. The other after two years of perpetual travel. I know what you mean. In my personal case, I started travelling because I wasn't satisfied with my life and didn't know what else to do.