5 ms·

Strange how all the stories here are positive & cheerful. I did the very thing two years ago, mostly due to peer pressure and reading too much HN, and it was a

by kosma 11y ago

Strange how all the stories here are positive & cheerful. I did the very thing two years ago, mostly due to peer pressure and reading too much HN, and it was a disaster. I didn't meet any interesting people, had no exciting adventures, tasted no great food, had no job opportunities, and pretty much only existed, lived in crappy hostels, drank bland coffee and burned all my cash reserves. I came back tired, broke, lonely, sick and with a fleeting feeling that there's something seriously weird about my complete inability to connect with people & navigate the unknown. It did open many new doors on my road to self-discovery, but if I were to go on such a trip again, it would have to be a vastly different arrangement. Stepping too far out of your comfort zone can result in anxiety and paralysis instead of the much desired change. Try it if you want, but don't be too surprised if it ends up in a big disappointment. Contrary to what the cheerful startup crowd may want to to think, it's not for everyone.

j_lev 11y ago
Yeah, I just finished writing mine and was thinking the same thing. The bad points for me were 1) I completely decimated my savings, 2) I had no health insurance and didn't realise why this was a bad thing, 3) I got frustrated at times with the fact that "van-dweller with no fixed address" is not apparently a draw card with the ladies. Fortunately "inability to connect with people" wasn't an issue for me. But I stayed out of the big cities for the most part, and a clean-shaven face and mischievous smile can go a long way in getting conversation started.
zcase 11y ago
Did it have to do with where you went? How would you do it differently next time?
- kosma 11y ago
  The language barrier is a huge thing - especially if you're trying to live like a local (as opposed to being a tourist). I've been to Spain and England on that particular trip, and the latter was ten times easier simply because I could communicate more or less freely. Now, some people can get by even if they barely know the language - but make sure you're one of them if you decide to go that route. And no, being barely able to order a hamburger is not sufficient for comfortable living.
  - rukuu001 11y ago
    It's hard, but you can learn to communicate. I spent a year in South Korea without much more than 'hello' & 'thank you' at the beginning (was 'conversational' by the time I left). Just don't be afraid to make an idiot of yourself.
rukuu001 11y ago
No, it's not for everyone. Stepping outside the comfort zone is, by definition, uncomfortable. What works for me - I get better at going outside the comfort zone the more I practise, but I need a 'safe' place to recover in between. That can be anything from a night on my own in a hotel with hot water, flushing toilet etc, to going out drinking with people who speak my language. Whatever works for you.
cylinder 11y ago
I think travel as a universal solution for everyone and every problem is clearly overdone. Having said that, I'm assuming you are introverted. You probably would have had a better experience traveling in a pair with a highly extroverted friend who can break the ice with other people for you then bring you into the fold. Just a thought.
- kosma 11y ago
  It's not the travel itself that matters, but the challenges and new perspectives that it brings. You won't get an epiphany on an all-inclusive trip; and I've seen people relocate across the globe and continue to live the same life they had back in their home countries. Trying to solve anything by running away is just that - escaping. It may work for a while, but at some point you'll have to stop and face your demons. PS. It's not a matter of introversion, as I know plenty of introverts who can strike up a conversation with a stranger. I can't, no matter how hard I try - and it gets awkward pretty fast if I try too hard. And yes, having social "guide" around does help - but it always feels like being a burden.
  - personlurking 11y ago
    > and I've seen people relocate across the globe and continue to live the same life they had back in their home countries. I see what you're getting at but there are also four cost-prohibitive things in the US that are important to life. They are: Housing (cost of renting or buying), healthcare (free or cheap in a lot of countries), higher education (free or cheap in a lot of countries) and the ability to have a social life when you don't have a lot of extra funds. In the places I've lived, I've had all four of these things at all times and it's changed my lifestyle and my life. When a 1 bedroom apt is a few hundred per month, university is a few thousand, a semi-serious trip to the hospital including ambulance & meds is $20, and a really fun night out (drinks included) costs $10...it can really change one's life. I should add transportation to that, too, since I've been to some amazing places (near cities I've lived in) for $2-3 round-trip.
  - butwhy 11y ago
    You say it isn't a problem of introversion; I say it is. It 99% is. What you have described is absolutely the opposite of travel experiences I have. Once you solve the introversion part, you will absolutely have a great time, meet amazing people and do really enjoyable things. Funnily enough, we seem to have taken very different roads. Travelling was the the thing that actually turned me from being semi introverted to not being introverted at all. Hostels are great in that they put me in touch with very extroverted people and showed me how easy it is to approach people, as most are friendly and welcoming. Once you get that down, you then hang out with people, go on pub crawls, go sight seeing or on road trips together etc. "It's not a matter of introversion, as I know plenty of introverts who can strike up a conversation with a stranger. I can't, no matter how hard I try" - this sounds disillusion. Perhaps you should look up what being an introvert entails. What you have just described is a person that's less introverted than you. Being introverted occurs at different levels in everyone. You having a lot of trouble talking to people actually means that you're more introverted than him. If you think it is something else, then what is your diagnosis? Do you have a physical speech impairment that prevents you from talking? "Trying to solve anything by running away is just that - escaping" - so what? You "escape" into a totally different lifestyle to make new relationships, enjoy new activities and cultures, and ultimately change your life. It can be a permanent "escape" for some.
bruceb 11y ago
Good to read a different point of view. Traveling is great but sometimes it just seeing cool stuff and is not life changing.
elwell 11y ago
> drank bland coffee That one hit where it hurts.
deleted 11y ago
[deleted]
mistermann 11y ago
I had a similarly unrewarding experience. However, one of the biggest gains from my journey was having done it and removing the mystery of "what if?" Now, if I encounter hard times, feel in a rut, etc, I know that for me, leaving it all behind and traveling the world (which would be incredibly costly, never mind impossible due to commitments) is not the answer.
deleted 11y ago
[deleted]
orthoganol 11y ago
> it's not for everyone. True, it's heavily dependent on whether that person is into 'adventuring', i.e. enjoys stepping out of their comfort zone, enjoys changing up their lifestyle, and seeks out those challenges. I have had a blast, met up with developers in the cities I stayed in, advanced my career by finishing projects for my portfolio (also worked remotely), went on constant dates via online dating in the local countries (many of which turned into at least people to hang out with), and just overall made many new friends, locals and xpats alike who I still keep in touch with, not to mention cultural immersion which broadens minds (depends on the country you pick). I've done this in major cities in South America, Spain, Japan, China, and Vietnam. 3 months abroad, 9 months at home, repeat. People should read your post and assess what kind of person they are, but I would be afraid that you might discourage people who would succeed in having an incredible experience. Your response seems like a lot was your personality and hangups which got in the way - and you are right, it won't just automatically work for everyone, it takes a type of person.
- curiouscats 11y ago
  I agree it isn't for everyone. But there are many different types of people it is for. I don't really fit with "stepping outside your comfort zone" etc.. But quoting and traveling and working online works for me. I think way more it is about this type of thing being in your comfort zone. When I hear people talking about how they stepped out of their comfort zone it seems to me they just aren't comfortable plodding through an office for 40 years. Doing that is outside their comfort zone. The reason they did something else was because it was in their comfort zone. I think there are benefits to shaking things up and trying things you are not comfortable with. I think way more often when people talk about that being successful for them what they really did was shake off the shackles of an uncomfortable situation and found one that is more in their comfort zone. I think it sounds cool to say you are being adventurous and brave by doing things those boring friends are not willing to do as they stick with their boring jobs. But I don't think that is really the most accurate way to view it. If you want the best chance of a change making you happy figure out what you really are comfortable with and create that. If you want to grow, challenge yourself and try different things. There is a small group that is most comfortable constantly challenging things. For them their comfort zone is to constantly be taking challenges most people would find uncomfortable. If those people really want to step outside their comfort zone they should seek the opposite of wha they are comfortable with which they don’t want to do. They also tend to like to see themselves as mavericks and brave, etc. so the story of challenging themselves sounds good to them so they use it. For most people, fairly small attempts to live outside your comfort zone, followed by a chance to reconcile what you learned during your challenge into your lifestyle will be the most effective way to grow. We (the types of people reading this) tend to think of growth as really important. I agree but I think we may also emphasize that a bit too much and just plain happiness too little. But who knows, I certainly don’t. These are just my thoughts this day on this topic. I do think Aristotle was right about the importance of an examined life. But at the same time I don't see a huge correlation with that thinking and how satisfied people are with their lives. Still I believe accurate self evaluation is useful in figuring out what to do next. I think the whole step outside your comfort zone thing is largely a myth - especially the way people explain what they mean by that.
golergka 11y ago
Thanks for sharing your experience. People too often try to paint a pretty picture in their online interactions, especially if everyone else seems so "positive & cheerful"; comments like yours are very important to give some perspective, and I appreciate it a lot more than some fantastic travel story, carefully edited and photoshopped.
bewe42 11y ago
My experience was not that bad but I would do things differently next time. What I realized was that I do enjoy traveling and living in new cultures but I hate being a tourist. I loathed staying in hostels and having to meet new people constantly. Also going from city to city felt routine after a while Next I'd rather stay in one place and do something there. Eg attending a language school or do some work.
- siquick 11y ago
  ^^this^^ Unfortunately, the majority of travellers only seem to be able to talk about travelling. "Have you been to City XYZ, you should go its awesome" x 10000 Sounds cliched but far and away the best experiences I had in 11 months in SEA were with locals.

by kosma 11y ago

j_lev 11y ago

Yeah, I just finished writing mine and was thinking the same thing. The bad points for me were 1) I completely decimated my savings, 2) I had no health insurance and didn't realise why this was a bad thing, 3) I got frustrated at times with the fact that "van-dweller with no fixed address" is not apparently a draw card with the ladies. Fortunately "inability to connect with people" wasn't an issue for me. But I stayed out of the big cities for the most part, and a clean-shaven face and mischievous smile can go a long way in getting conversation started.

zcase 11y ago

Did it have to do with where you went? How would you do it differently next time?

kosma 11y ago
The language barrier is a huge thing - especially if you're trying to live like a local (as opposed to being a tourist). I've been to Spain and England on that particular trip, and the latter was ten times easier simply because I could communicate more or less freely. Now, some people can get by even if they barely know the language - but make sure you're one of them if you decide to go that route. And no, being barely able to order a hamburger is not sufficient for comfortable living.
- rukuu001 11y ago
  It's hard, but you can learn to communicate. I spent a year in South Korea without much more than 'hello' & 'thank you' at the beginning (was 'conversational' by the time I left). Just don't be afraid to make an idiot of yourself.

rukuu001 11y ago

No, it's not for everyone. Stepping outside the comfort zone is, by definition, uncomfortable. What works for me - I get better at going outside the comfort zone the more I practise, but I need a 'safe' place to recover in between. That can be anything from a night on my own in a hotel with hot water, flushing toilet etc, to going out drinking with people who speak my language. Whatever works for you.

cylinder 11y ago

I think travel as a universal solution for everyone and every problem is clearly overdone. Having said that, I'm assuming you are introverted. You probably would have had a better experience traveling in a pair with a highly extroverted friend who can break the ice with other people for you then bring you into the fold. Just a thought.

kosma 11y ago
It's not the travel itself that matters, but the challenges and new perspectives that it brings. You won't get an epiphany on an all-inclusive trip; and I've seen people relocate across the globe and continue to live the same life they had back in their home countries. Trying to solve anything by running away is just that - escaping. It may work for a while, but at some point you'll have to stop and face your demons. PS. It's not a matter of introversion, as I know plenty of introverts who can strike up a conversation with a stranger. I can't, no matter how hard I try - and it gets awkward pretty fast if I try too hard. And yes, having social "guide" around does help - but it always feels like being a burden.
- personlurking 11y ago
  > and I've seen people relocate across the globe and continue to live the same life they had back in their home countries. I see what you're getting at but there are also four cost-prohibitive things in the US that are important to life. They are: Housing (cost of renting or buying), healthcare (free or cheap in a lot of countries), higher education (free or cheap in a lot of countries) and the ability to have a social life when you don't have a lot of extra funds. In the places I've lived, I've had all four of these things at all times and it's changed my lifestyle and my life. When a 1 bedroom apt is a few hundred per month, university is a few thousand, a semi-serious trip to the hospital including ambulance & meds is $20, and a really fun night out (drinks included) costs $10...it can really change one's life. I should add transportation to that, too, since I've been to some amazing places (near cities I've lived in) for $2-3 round-trip.
- butwhy 11y ago
  You say it isn't a problem of introversion; I say it is. It 99% is. What you have described is absolutely the opposite of travel experiences I have. Once you solve the introversion part, you will absolutely have a great time, meet amazing people and do really enjoyable things. Funnily enough, we seem to have taken very different roads. Travelling was the the thing that actually turned me from being semi introverted to not being introverted at all. Hostels are great in that they put me in touch with very extroverted people and showed me how easy it is to approach people, as most are friendly and welcoming. Once you get that down, you then hang out with people, go on pub crawls, go sight seeing or on road trips together etc. "It's not a matter of introversion, as I know plenty of introverts who can strike up a conversation with a stranger. I can't, no matter how hard I try" - this sounds disillusion. Perhaps you should look up what being an introvert entails. What you have just described is a person that's less introverted than you. Being introverted occurs at different levels in everyone. You having a lot of trouble talking to people actually means that you're more introverted than him. If you think it is something else, then what is your diagnosis? Do you have a physical speech impairment that prevents you from talking? "Trying to solve anything by running away is just that - escaping" - so what? You "escape" into a totally different lifestyle to make new relationships, enjoy new activities and cultures, and ultimately change your life. It can be a permanent "escape" for some.

bruceb 11y ago

Good to read a different point of view. Traveling is great but sometimes it just seeing cool stuff and is not life changing.

elwell 11y ago

> drank bland coffee That one hit where it hurts.

deleted 11y ago

[deleted]

mistermann 11y ago

I had a similarly unrewarding experience. However, one of the biggest gains from my journey was having done it and removing the mystery of "what if?" Now, if I encounter hard times, feel in a rut, etc, I know that for me, leaving it all behind and traveling the world (which would be incredibly costly, never mind impossible due to commitments) is not the answer.

deleted 11y ago

[deleted]

orthoganol 11y ago

> it's not for everyone. True, it's heavily dependent on whether that person is into 'adventuring', i.e. enjoys stepping out of their comfort zone, enjoys changing up their lifestyle, and seeks out those challenges. I have had a blast, met up with developers in the cities I stayed in, advanced my career by finishing projects for my portfolio (also worked remotely), went on constant dates via online dating in the local countries (many of which turned into at least people to hang out with), and just overall made many new friends, locals and xpats alike who I still keep in touch with, not to mention cultural immersion which broadens minds (depends on the country you pick). I've done this in major cities in South America, Spain, Japan, China, and Vietnam. 3 months abroad, 9 months at home, repeat. People should read your post and assess what kind of person they are, but I would be afraid that you might discourage people who would succeed in having an incredible experience. Your response seems like a lot was your personality and hangups which got in the way - and you are right, it won't just automatically work for everyone, it takes a type of person.

curiouscats 11y ago
I agree it isn't for everyone. But there are many different types of people it is for. I don't really fit with "stepping outside your comfort zone" etc.. But quoting and traveling and working online works for me. I think way more it is about this type of thing being in your comfort zone. When I hear people talking about how they stepped out of their comfort zone it seems to me they just aren't comfortable plodding through an office for 40 years. Doing that is outside their comfort zone. The reason they did something else was because it was in their comfort zone. I think there are benefits to shaking things up and trying things you are not comfortable with. I think way more often when people talk about that being successful for them what they really did was shake off the shackles of an uncomfortable situation and found one that is more in their comfort zone. I think it sounds cool to say you are being adventurous and brave by doing things those boring friends are not willing to do as they stick with their boring jobs. But I don't think that is really the most accurate way to view it. If you want the best chance of a change making you happy figure out what you really are comfortable with and create that. If you want to grow, challenge yourself and try different things. There is a small group that is most comfortable constantly challenging things. For them their comfort zone is to constantly be taking challenges most people would find uncomfortable. If those people really want to step outside their comfort zone they should seek the opposite of wha they are comfortable with which they don’t want to do. They also tend to like to see themselves as mavericks and brave, etc. so the story of challenging themselves sounds good to them so they use it. For most people, fairly small attempts to live outside your comfort zone, followed by a chance to reconcile what you learned during your challenge into your lifestyle will be the most effective way to grow. We (the types of people reading this) tend to think of growth as really important. I agree but I think we may also emphasize that a bit too much and just plain happiness too little. But who knows, I certainly don’t. These are just my thoughts this day on this topic. I do think Aristotle was right about the importance of an examined life. But at the same time I don't see a huge correlation with that thinking and how satisfied people are with their lives. Still I believe accurate self evaluation is useful in figuring out what to do next. I think the whole step outside your comfort zone thing is largely a myth - especially the way people explain what they mean by that.

golergka 11y ago

Thanks for sharing your experience. People too often try to paint a pretty picture in their online interactions, especially if everyone else seems so "positive & cheerful"; comments like yours are very important to give some perspective, and I appreciate it a lot more than some fantastic travel story, carefully edited and photoshopped.

bewe42 11y ago

My experience was not that bad but I would do things differently next time. What I realized was that I do enjoy traveling and living in new cultures but I hate being a tourist. I loathed staying in hostels and having to meet new people constantly. Also going from city to city felt routine after a while Next I'd rather stay in one place and do something there. Eg attending a language school or do some work.

siquick 11y ago
^^this^^ Unfortunately, the majority of travellers only seem to be able to talk about travelling. "Have you been to City XYZ, you should go its awesome" x 10000 Sounds cliched but far and away the best experiences I had in 11 months in SEA were with locals.