I wouldn't characterize the magical detection of uncommon access patterns as a minimalist feature (it can be done, but not out of the box in a meaningful way)

I wouldn't characterize the magical detection of uncommon access patterns as a minimalist feature (it can be done, but not out of the box in a meaningful way) I'm not even sure about a meaningful way. For sake of portability the DB will need to have some way to dump everything. And if a server admin can do that, then someone who can get the same access as a server admin can do it, and we're back to square one.